Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

pd2012
Okay, here we go..
A lot of my kitchen items starting to go missing a year or so ago. Most of the items that went missing were expensive items. We'd ask her if she saw them or what happened to them and she would become very defensive and irate and deny having taken anything. So, we thought she was becoming forgetful and maybe storing things in the attic or basement and when we couldn't find them anywhere in the house so we even took a few walks out into the woods to see if she was dumping things there. That's when I posted out here and Tigg told me to get the d-link camera. We did but didn't really see her doing much of anything. We told her the camera was for security but I think she knew better.
In talking with the neighbor one day he asked DH how things were going with the MIL, (she's not very friendly to this man when he stops in) and DH told him not well, we have things going missing in the house, can't find them etc. Neighbor said my mother had been to the transfer station a few times but never thought of it other than she was disposing of stuff on our behalf. He said he would keep an eye out at that point and keep anything aside for us. That was how I was going to confront her. DH was talking to my brother and told him about the camera and what was happening at the dump and all of a sudden the activity stopped so we believe my brother talked to her. I asked my brother about saying something to her and he denied it but I believe he did.
All that activity stopped several months ago but just recently started up again. The neighbor came down with cancer awhile back and is not working anymore so we don't have backup at the station now.
I did confront her Saturday when I couldn't find my one last spatula and I just lost it. I know spatula's sound like a small item to get so upset about but it's really the last straw for me. I told her I'd had it with my stuff going missing in which she denied it again. We've barely spoken since then until last night. When I got home from work she was now trying to be sweet and tell me there's nothing wrong with buying my new spatulas at Target and they're just as good as the ones from WS. I said, where did all my other ones go Ma? The transfer station? Cause I know you've visited the place before! If you all could have seen the look on her face? I'll tell ya,,,, guilty! and then she went down to her bedroom.
The conversation is not done with her. I've just been a bit down the last few days and I want to wait till I can have some self control and not yell at her. I just want her to know, that I know what she's done and started doing again.
I think she's having some resentment about having to live with me because she does well with finances, crossword puzzles etc. but her cleaning and cooking skills are definitely not what they used to be. She has a hard time following conversations and forgets often where she puts things.
I'll perk up, just need a day or so. I don't mind her living with me even though it's tough sometimes on the privacy etc. but to have to go through these types of issues with her? And that wasn't all, I fell a number of weeks back helping her with an errand and tore ligaments in my foot and elbow. I was down for awhile and she helped with nothing and wouldn't acknowledge that I was crippled up with a boot on the foot, a wrap on the elbow. Cripes, I looked and felt like the accident victim I was. Not a good feeling when your hurt and your mother acts like your just an inconvenience. I'm feeling like I don't want to care for her anymore and I don't like having those feelings.
So, there it is, that's my story lately. I don't post often about my problems with her because everyone else is going through so much more.
A lot of my kitchen items starting to go missing a year or so ago. Most of the items that went missing were expensive items. We'd ask her if she saw them or what happened to them and she would become very defensive and irate and deny having taken anything. So, we thought she was becoming forgetful and maybe storing things in the attic or basement and when we couldn't find them anywhere in the house so we even took a few walks out into the woods to see if she was dumping things there. That's when I posted out here and Tigg told me to get the d-link camera. We did but didn't really see her doing much of anything. We told her the camera was for security but I think she knew better.
In talking with the neighbor one day he asked DH how things were going with the MIL, (she's not very friendly to this man when he stops in) and DH told him not well, we have things going missing in the house, can't find them etc. Neighbor said my mother had been to the transfer station a few times but never thought of it other than she was disposing of stuff on our behalf. He said he would keep an eye out at that point and keep anything aside for us. That was how I was going to confront her. DH was talking to my brother and told him about the camera and what was happening at the dump and all of a sudden the activity stopped so we believe my brother talked to her. I asked my brother about saying something to her and he denied it but I believe he did.
All that activity stopped several months ago but just recently started up again. The neighbor came down with cancer awhile back and is not working anymore so we don't have backup at the station now.
I did confront her Saturday when I couldn't find my one last spatula and I just lost it. I know spatula's sound like a small item to get so upset about but it's really the last straw for me. I told her I'd had it with my stuff going missing in which she denied it again. We've barely spoken since then until last night. When I got home from work she was now trying to be sweet and tell me there's nothing wrong with buying my new spatulas at Target and they're just as good as the ones from WS. I said, where did all my other ones go Ma? The transfer station? Cause I know you've visited the place before! If you all could have seen the look on her face? I'll tell ya,,,, guilty! and then she went down to her bedroom.
The conversation is not done with her. I've just been a bit down the last few days and I want to wait till I can have some self control and not yell at her. I just want her to know, that I know what she's done and started doing again.
I think she's having some resentment about having to live with me because she does well with finances, crossword puzzles etc. but her cleaning and cooking skills are definitely not what they used to be. She has a hard time following conversations and forgets often where she puts things.
I'll perk up, just need a day or so. I don't mind her living with me even though it's tough sometimes on the privacy etc. but to have to go through these types of issues with her? And that wasn't all, I fell a number of weeks back helping her with an errand and tore ligaments in my foot and elbow. I was down for awhile and she helped with nothing and wouldn't acknowledge that I was crippled up with a boot on the foot, a wrap on the elbow. Cripes, I looked and felt like the accident victim I was. Not a good feeling when your hurt and your mother acts like your just an inconvenience. I'm feeling like I don't want to care for her anymore and I don't like having those feelings.
So, there it is, that's my story lately. I don't post often about my problems with her because everyone else is going through so much more.
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Things have calmed down since then, but the sibling network continues to function. As it not only should, but as it must.
So sorry you are going through this with your Mom. I hope that things will get better soon.
My Mil is so worried about where all her things are since we had to pack everything and move her into assisted living with very short notice. My home has turned into a storage facility. I've not even gone through any boxes yet. She was being so picky about how we were packing and where everything was going. We just told her that everything is in boxes and they will be there for her when she is ready. It was really hard for her to see her things getting packed.
I don't know why she was so worried about the nice things in her curio cabinet as she has already given her very nice Chrystal and China to the Gdaughter's along with dining room table and piano.
So the curio is in my hallway and her sofa in the office. It's getting a bit crowded in here and will get even more crowded as we are planning a move and I need to start packing eventually. Yea! MORE boxes.
Mr. Pepper I agree with you. And I'm so glad the sibling network continues to work. Unfortunately my Dh is an only child. I hope when or if my Mom has to go through this that she will not try the divide and conquer. I have three brothers and soo wish I had a sister.
PD, no one is going through so much more. It's all "so much" for what we all go through. Everyone has their own stress and how we are helping each other to deal with it.
Thank you all.
xoxo
She tried bribing us with money to leave her alone.
Catching us alone when one of us went around a corner.
You name it.
Any manipulation in the playbook!
What was ironic and funny was she can't hear and Hubs Son and I still hear pretty well so we heard it all and threw it back at her. Oh MY! Then it was mom going I never said that!
One time DH who is the kindest gentlest man on earth got right up in Mom's face and told her to Shut the Fuck Up!
Yes. It was upsetting at the time but seems funny now!
Try and get along...stop bitching and complaining. You are here because YOU messed up and would not follow warnings. That is one Hard Headed Women. God bless her...but she is paying the price now. It breaks my heart.
Did I miss something?
Anyway, thank you everyone for the tremendous amount of support you've all given me here. It's a really good feeling to know that there's always people out there to get us through the bad times even when family falls a bit short.
Lots of serious conversations went on this last weekend between mother, sister, brother and I. Ultimatums given and it appears anyway that we're all on the same page so we'll see how the future goes.
And I was making a conversation about MY Mil. So sorry if you took it wrong.
I will ask for you to send me a PM and tell me how I hurt your feelings and the wrong I did to you. I hope I can make it right...I really do.
It's so sad and unfortunate the someone told you that you were the reason you are having problems with your Mom. That would NEVER be a band wagon that I would hop on.
No problem with me either and I hope we are ok. It's very easy to misunderstand posts sometimes. But I do wish you only the best for you and your family. It is a very trying time dealing our aging parents. And I so appreciate all the great info and advice I've gotten here.
xoxo