He changed with me and my family only, not people in general. Started loving me at first sight and ended losing the feelings, that's the big change which made him a more distant and enclosed person with us...

Nope nadda...hes a raving lunatic now and I am pretty sure he wasnt like that when I married him.

Doesn't make it any easier to let go though does it? Maybe it's just me but I feel like, even though he changed, it still tears me up.

This is going to sound totally wild...he's the same exact person...but he went to great lengths to hide things about him self for a very long time. Serious issues that would cause ANYONE to say WTF?.

My ex has totally changed. That's why we are no longer together. She turned into some strange alien type being, not at all the nice sweet thing that I married in 1975. something happened after she went through 'the change'. She emotionally froze me out and glommed on to her 'girlfriend' which is who she is with now.

They both have no use for men. And I can't stand my ex any more, so I am much happier now on my own. I have mostly healed from it all.

Not even close to the same. 20 years being the greatest wife, mother and friend a man could want...2 year of being a solid wife, OK mother and no friend that a man would want...1 year of being a cheat, a woman that can tell a stupid lie with a smile on her face and just plain hurtful...than she was out the door....last year....distant, aloof, party animal...a 42 year old 22 year old....so not even close to the same.

My STBX was always the same person, he just hid it very well in the beginning.

My ex is not the same man. He changed totally.

The creature he is....he was all along. He just got tired of holding up the mask in the beginning. I saw the real him 1 month after marriage...and I remained in complete denial for another 5 yrs.

It does not matter if she was the same, or if she changed.

She is my ex, and is on her way to being a distant memory.

i would have to say he was the same.

considerate, doting, hard working, generous, and an addict who is manipulative and lies.

he was all of these thing all of the way through.

I think we both changed.

I couldn't live with the kind of changes she went through and she didn't want to live with someone who WOULD NOT look the other way.

Mine just stopped trying to be someone he wasn't. He tried for years to be the kind of person his father is, the kind of person that he thought I wanted him to be. My theory is that he stopped trying and just let the demons inside of him take over. He is now a man that has no identity, he has morphed into the other woman. It is pretty scary.. The hardest part is that I cannot even carry on a conversation with him. He has became a stranger....

We both changed. Grew up, had kids.

As far as the problems, the red flags were there. Clouded by the "beginning stuff"...

I agree with the death thing. The decent, honorable and honest man died. The selfish, self-centred, cruel and heartless man took over. Everything is about him and he doesn't seem to care about the scars he has created in the children. All of them.