What often happens is they check out of the relationship months and sometimes years prior to leaving it. Then you are left holding the bag and wondering wth just happened. He got a head start and didn't have the guts to tell you. It was easier just to play the part than be honest.

You want closure...you may never get it from talking to him and you should be honest with yourself....is that the real reason you want to talk to him or do you just want to hold out hope?

sorry you are going through this (((HUGS)))

Well, after he did this to me I don't think I could get back together with him if that were an option. He has shown me that he is not the man that he presented himself to be and I could never again trust him with my heart. Have I hoped that he would find a way to fix it and come back with a plan? Of course I did. But at this point I'm just trying to deal with what I'm feeling so that I can move on from him and not be effected by him at all. When we were together we would have occasional "check-in's" just to be clear about where we were and he always told me that he wanted the same things I did. Even when I would offer him a way out he wouldn't take it. He would always tell me how I was the love of his life and how I was stuck with him for the rest of our lives. It's just crazy that I'm here and that he handled me this way. I appreciate your response though.

What misred said x2.

They make plans behind your back to make exiting easier for themselves because they can't or won't deal with conflict or confrontation.

It's really very devious and cowardly, but they like to put a different spin on it.

BTW, screw him. If he's not man enough to be in a relationship and be truthful with himself and his partner, just be glad he's gone.

You are right. I felt that way from day one of this break up as far as him being a coward. He has shared with other mutual friends that he just doesn't feel he can give me what I deserve. But i believe that there is more to the story and he doesn't want to face me so that he doesn't have to come clean. He uses this dumb a$$ excuse to not look like the monster that he is. But no matter how much he has broken my heart, I still love him with every part and I hate it. I just want to get past this. I don't understand why my heart won't do what I tell it to.

The part of my ex I fell in love with, this idealized man that I only chose to see the good in, I still love.

The reality isn't so pretty.

He had some pretty glaring issues and it's his life so only he can make different choices.

So I let him go, I can still love him and go on with my life, if that makes sense.

You might try journaling out your feelings or writing letters to him just to let go of some of the grief. Don't mail them though, maybe in a few months re-read them and decide. A break up is like a death so you will go though the stages of grief. Take it easy on yourself, your not going to snap out of it or get over it real soon.

*hug* I wish I could give you advice on how to control your heart and mind to just block him out and toss out all the memories but there's no such thing. Sadly it's gonna be a painful journey day after day but you can do it. You already want to move on and not try again with him, that took me a good while to come to terms with because just like you, my ex also filled my head with sweet nothings and promises of always being there even when things got tough.
Reality sucks but I know you'll make it through this. *bear hug*

ClearDay1, that makes sense. I think thats what it is for me. Im still in love with who I fell in love with but its crazy that its not who he really is.
MisRed, thank you.

Imiru, thank you so much! HUGS FOR ALL OF YOU!! It's insane that we have to endure such tragic things when all we want to do is love and be loved back.

I would get into therapy and join a breakup
Group. Let yourself grieve your losses, stay
No contact, no social media nothing, don't
Even Ask about him.

Most people tell me nothing Since he has
a GF what do i need to know also he was
Checked out long ago.

You will probably never get closure, he
Probably had a GF usually they do surface
After awhile, surprise. HUGS

I have not contacted him recently and even when I did previously, he didn't reply. So I haven't had no contact with him at all since the break-up. I have had conversations with our mutual friends and have told them that I dont want to know anything about him. But somehow I come across info that crushes me and Im just having a hard time trying to manage it.

I'm sorry you're hurting, breakups are the worst. I'm fresh 1 week in and it is just excruciating. Breakupa are almosy worse than a death becausd you're the only one suffering the loss. They are still alive and well to their family and friends and whoever else. I hope you feel better and know you don't ever deserve to be treated that way. I wish I had something to help you more. Lean on your support. Whether it be friends or family right now. It's the only thing that helps. <3<3<3

Thank you Jmit129. And Im sorry to hear that you are going through this as well. *Hug* Heartache is the worse! Everywhere I turn its said that it will get better. I want to believe that so bad but I'm struggling so much. I hate this!

You know what...if someone abandons you like that..and even if he did tell you he was gonna leave..he's the one with the problem. My ex husband did that to me. I'm 33 now but when I was 25 and 5 years in he literally took all the money out of the acct..left me with no car and no explanation.

..later I found out he met someone else. He actually left me for another woman only to try to return 10 months later after she left him.. he wanted me to pick up the pieces of his broken narcissistic heart. I laughed in his face. It took me 2 yrs to get over him but I did. I'll never forget that heartache. Now fast forward I fall for someone FINALLY and this happens. It opens up a wound that never really heals. I'm sorry your hurting I'm right there with you