Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello, I've been married for 22 years. During that time my husband cheated on me twice that I know of. The real betrayal was he lost our home. A home we had for 14 years. I had no idea he was behind on the mortgage or any other bills. The last 10 years I haven't worked because he told me we were doing so well financially. Every once in awhile I would ask is everything ok money wise because I can go back to work and he would assure me all was well. I guess I was living in a dream world thinking everything must be ok we have two new cars, the ulities are on, credit cards were fine. Well it wasn't fine he hadn't paid our mortgage for 5 years I can't believe the bank let it go that long. Then there was a for sale sign on the front yard I hadn't talk to any realtor he did this on his own, then I picked up the mail and saw something from bankruptcy court again never said a word to me. Our cars were repossessed and he still said it was a misunderstanding. He can't tell the truth. We moved into an apt paying almost double what our mortgage was and just a few days ago there was 6 pieces of paper taped to the front door. Yes you guessed it eviction he had'nt paid rent for 6 months. I had just recently asked him if we were behind on rent and he said 2 months. We live in California and Covid has affected his earning capacity. Today I found out I have no health insurance it was suspended and now cancelled. When I asked who cancelled it they told me it was my husband and a years worth of premiums had been refunded to him. Once again my husband said the insurance made a mistake and it's being fixed. I forgot to mention when I showed him the eviction paperwork and asked a couple questions he told me I had no right to ask anything regarding this apartment. Of coarse I'm not on the lease. Needless to say Divorce is in my future. How am I going to be able to support myself after not working for 10 years, I'm in my late 50's and I have no family. I don't even think I can get legal advice because I don't have any money to pay for it. If anyone has gone through this and can offer some advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
The good news is that since you are in CA, it's a community property state. Which means you will get half of EVERYTHING and he HAS to pay you spousal support, monthly, for the rest of your life.
Call around for divorce attorneys. See how much they cost. They might take part of the settlement as their payment.
You are entitled to SO much... just being married in CA. That's the great news!
The bad news is of course that he has been a crappy husband. But you know you deserve better. And you will definitely find someone else, when you are ready. Do you have any family, friends, church... that you can lean on now?
Don't worry, you are going to be okay, and especially financially (which will help, as you go on your new exciting FREE life!). Go get a divorce attorney. Don't tell him yet.
Then prioritize the most pressing issues like food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and find ways to get what you need. You might not get what you want, but you'll find a way to manage. In the process identify your support mechanisms, like family, friends, and free community services. Also separate out whatever finances you have from your husband's and learn to manage your own money.
On the relationship side, affairs are a symptom of the unrealistic expectations around marriage imposed by socialization. In and of themselves, affairs are nothing to be concerned about. What is concerning is the lack of transparency and honesty. Maybe with everything out on the table, there's a chance for a new beginning. If there's no actual domestic abuse happening, then you have to tally-up the pros and cons on both an emotional and material level to determine your best course of action.
Nobody said it would be easy. But no matter what happens, it sounds like it could be an interesting journey to see how your life evolves from this point forward. You have lots of life experience. Use it. Be brave, I know I tell everyone this, but you are stronger than you know. Believe it. And forge ahead.
You also may have rights regarding the eviction. Especially since you mention his employment has been affected due to Covid. A resource for this could also be found in the judiciary/court system. You may want to research the landlord tenant laws in your area.
There are resources for you. The challenge may be to find them at first, but you can do this. You can make it through this. Be sure to take care of your health and well being. You may wish to consider being an advocate for yourself. Take it one step at a time. My prayers are with you.