I'm not putting much effort into grieving...it's happening without having to put much effort into at all.

Why do you think. It hurts . Rman you think ppl are going to just do what. ? dumb fuckin question bro.

hey rman
for whatever reason you made me think of this song. i know ur not into poetry and all that stuff.. but it made me think of you

jayzhugs!
http://www.last.fm/music/Suzanne+Vega/_/Widow's+Walk

Consider me a widow boys, and I will tell you why,
It's not the man, but it's the marriage that was drowned
So I walk the walk, and wait with watchful eye out to the sky,
Looking for a kind of vessel I have never found.

Though I saw it splinter, I keep looking out to sea.
Like a dog with little sense, I keep returning,
To the very area where I did see the thing go down,
As if there's something at the site I should be learning.

That line is the horizon.
We watch the wind and set the sail,
But save ourselves when all omens
Point to fail.

If I tell the truth then I would have to tell you this;
though I grieve (and I believe I feel it truly),
I knew that ship was empty by the time it hit the rocks,
cause we could not hold on when fate became unruly.

So consider me a widow, boys, and I have told you why
Does the weather say a better day is nearing?
I'll set my house in order now and wait upon the Will,
cause it's clear that I need better skill in steering.

That line is the horizon.
We watch the wind and set the sail,
but save ourselves when omens
all point to fail.

It's guttural energy. Loss, and most time not "controlled".

grief doesn't take effort
it just is
denying grief takes lots of effort
and then the grief sneaks in anyway
sometimes in bad ways

making room for fun WHILE grieving gives you some space to breathe

but if you grieve when you need to grieve
then when you're done, you're REALLY done

and you're free to live your life without it leaking out, maybe even on someone else's lap

wouldn't you rather have fun on someone's lap
than leak grief on it?

Transfer energy to something else, positive...is that bad?

As they say RMan easier said than done.

I was looking at pictures of a wonderfull trip we took to Algonquin Park last summer. It saddened me because the park is still there but it wouldnt be the same without her. I was always the one that arranged these trips she's not good at that stuff and after the split I thought I could still take the kids to these places but after looking at the pictures I realized it wouldnt be the same without her. 2/3rds of the reason is my two kids would feel the same way.

No shit, everyone...
forgive me for thinking that positive thinking is good...

positive thinking is good. But it takes effort.

grieving is negative thinking?

The effort is required to pick yourself up after you have allowed yourself time to grieve. Once the grief starts to become a "comfort zone" leading to isolation (I know ALOT about that) then it is time to close that door and open up a new one, as scary as it may seem, taking comfort in knowing that you can let it now go.

I hear what you are saying, Rman, but very often, people mask the grief with hasty relationships, work, even humor.

;-)

And no, the sucker is still there. I am buying a Dremel tomorrow to cut the head off. Damn $%(&ing bolt.

I can't figure out what to do that would be fun. I'm serious. And I've never been good at self care and I have limited funds. So I can't relax and I feel like I'm wading through molasses all the time. I keep very busy, but it's an effort.

Little pokey today aren't we Rman?

Of course positive thinking is good!

Da point is... to get there make sure you have gone through the grief, and not around it.

grieving to me, is to respect the death but, not to stay stuck in the wave for years...then, the energy would truly be 'wasted' or you may need some major therapy.