There are only two types of married men Joyride - Hen pecked, or liars. Therefore I am the hen pecked ass. (; I love my wife and she gets much of what she wants. After 17 years, I still enjoy spoiling her. And you know what? She never says no when I offer... LOL. H_E_N P_E_C_K_E_D! But she made a really nice observation yesterday when we were driving around. She said, "You know why we are so good for each other? " Of course I rub my forehead and say, "Here we go..." She smiles and says, " Because we can tell each other to f*ck off but come right back and agree to disagree. It's so liberating. I truly love you. " What could I say that? Eh... She left herself open... "F*ck off. " LOL. But there is alot of truth in that. You have to be able to speak your mind on your bad days. Not any day, just on the really bad ones. And I think when you do, you learn to curb it and not try so hard. Oddly you end up respecting each other much more because the other person doesn't walk off "offended". Your just venting, but you can still be you and it makes all the difference since you spend most of your time being as good as you can be anyway. It's your way of saying to the other, "It's okay. I understand."

we're singing in the same choir Faithful ((hugs))

yep, we sure are, Joy.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I appreciate the insight!

The object I found was a coin given to me by him. A military coin, given to him by the joint chief of staff on a visit to his location way back when. Whe he gave it to me before he deployed for Afghanistan, he asked me to be very careful with it. It was a token of having his energy to hold onto while he was away.

It carried me through many sleepless nights while he was overseas. I had many nights of clutching it, in the hopes of sleep, while the news carried on of the newest casualties and fearing for his safety. :(

I took good care of it. And yep...forgot I had it, as it has been months since we have broken up.

I didn't even have a chance to give it back. There was no last time of seeing each other. Everything unraveled when he went on a trip with a friend after returning from deployment. Just no contact or communication for a few weeks, followed by a cowardly email. He was due to get out of the military a month later. Permanently. Before he left for that 11 month deployment he talked about how he wanted to stay here and build a life..together. Turns out he was too chicken shit to tell me the truth that he decided to move back "home" to the west coast

So..there was no fore warning. Just left. Never said goodbye.

And here I sit with this coin and a whole slew of memories.

I'm ok..not heartbroken. Not in pain that it ended...just questioning it all.

The I love you...I don't get it. I was very careful. It came a month or so after we had gotten together. Maybe he meant it, maybe he didn't. Who knows. I know I meant what I said though... And you know what? When his words came...there was NO sex at that point. I did that purposely. Ugh.

I guess we just never know. I'm grateful for the time we had together. It was good, for the most part while it lasted...with the exception of his few freak out moments, which I chalked up to deployment stress.

One thing I think is safe to say as my move forward on my path...I will wait around for no one. I waited 10 years for my husband to get his shit together..and now a year for this one to return.

No more waiting around. Your in, or not.

JCOS coin? He'll be back for it.

I would be! Which Joint Chief gave it to him?

Mullen.....

One of the reasons why I feel badly about it...

My ex was a Navy guy before he re enlisted as an Army guy, years later.

The chief is a Navy guy...which gave it more significance to him.

Ugh.

Maybe I will just tuck it away.... Maybe he will ask for it back..and if so..I will mail it to the other side of the country.....

namaste, are you going to look for another military type the next time?

I love reading posts like this! You know, what is love? I think that's essentially what we are asking. I liked how Dump3d said "Two grown ups should be able to be on the same page without games" but I also like how you replaced love with cherished, Faithful. It does, IMO, change the dynamic of the situation.

I mean, to be truly loved and cherished is to make that committment and do the best you can, as a team, to follow through...good and bad times, etc.

We are all aware now that there is a honeymoon phase, knowing people are on their best behavior at the beginning...but it's the meat and bones I like: You know, not having to question that person's loyalty because you can trust them, or not being in a spot where you feel like you can't be open and honest for FEAR of what the other will think. Accepting the "negative" (as long as it's not abuse, etc) with the positive..basically, accepting we are simply human.

I don't look at divorce as a life failure: yes, the relationship failed, but I think it's more of a failure when you go through it and don't learn from it, or take ownership of your part in it.

I don't necessarily think there's a perfect time frame to say "I love you", but I don't think people should say it unless they truly believe they mean it.

Trying, i'm glad that you like the word cherish too. the word love is just too vague. we need to assign a synonym that evokes the image that we think is just right.

It reminds me of how "they" say anger is an umbrella feeling...you can be angry, but nine out of ten times, there is a deeper, more uncomfortable feeling you're really experiencing like inscecurity, pain, fear, etc. I think love can be too general..there are just too many forms of love in so many ways.

I know I love my parents, I know I love my son and closest friends. Hell, I know I love my X to some extent. I don't know...I think actions always speak louder than words, and I truly wish people would say what they mean and mean what they say.

Too often "I love you" really means "I love the way I feel when we're having sex".

Then there are the people who say it because they "love" the idea of being in "love".

Maybe I've become cynical in my old age, but what the heck is love anyway?

how old are you, Lance?

Not really sure what those 3 words are, but let me tell you this. If you even THINK that one of them is "Love", you got some work to do girl. That 1 word is so precious, and it should NOT be tossed around like a mixed drink at an all nighter party. I think it's got a bit more value than that. I don't know what you are feeling with your ex-bf, but it would be good for YOU to decide what is best for your future. Get your game face on and decide, is he worth the misery you express?

Hmm..I think my post came out all kinds of wrong....

I'm ntmin misery. Not today, and wasn't even at the day of the so called break up.

It's not a word I use with carelessness.

Actually....I didn't date anyone for 4 YEARS after my ex husband and I split up. Years!!!

Not one to jump into things carelessly.....

Was simply pondering the time frame of things and their outcomes, wondering if there was a correlation.