ok, what is biting you. I am a 57 year old woman, a feminist to boot but I am not a man basher. I am a nothing basher. If I do not like you it is because of you not your gender, colour, race, sexual orientation or whatever. And I am going through a very difficult time with the idiot. I can not wait until it is over. So do not assume a holier than thou attitude with people who are hurting and sometimes just need to vent their fustration, hurt and anger.

I think what you say makes sense. I also agree that you take from here what helps and leave the rest. When you find little that helps it's time to find something else that fills the bill.

I'm not gonna say if I agree or not. This is a website! Yes we are here for healing. That is why we pick and choose our friends here. Those are the people that we trust, and help us heal. Discussion boards are for discussions, questions, or just plain ranting. You have the choice to read it or not. Just like the STAR! We have our friends and our families for backup and support. Who really cares what the other 6 billion people on the internet want to complain about!

We have a saying where I come from.....

VOTE WITH YOUR FEET.

You don't like what you see here, well that's your call. But the door's that way.....(points with the rude finger)

gee I wonder where down went?

Oh, was I supposed to respond?

All I can add is that you have proved the value of the site. You have ranted, cleared the air and no doubt feel better. This is what healing is all about and DS provides the vehicle. Like others have said, if you don't find little nuggets that help you with your issues or if you aren't able to share little nuggets to help others then maybe it is time to vote with your feet.

regardless, I wish you the best.

I did not say, nor do I think that people are whining.

I just can't help but observe that it is less frequent that I read about feelings as opposed to blame or bravado or one-upmanship.

I guess there is more constructive work happening under the radar here.

We all said "I do", had sex, spent money, made decisions, had kids, bought houses, etc. and while I am not minimizing the pain we all experience and the importance of a place like this in the healing process,

I just think that a very big part of the road to recovery is opening ourselves to the idea that, until we all take true responsibility for our part...that there are indeed two sides to every story and that the failure of any relationship is vary rarely due to one persons decisions...that the real healing will be delayed.

Vote with my feet; that's funny. A hanging toenail as opposed to a hanging chad?

Downforthe.. I have to echo your comment "until we all take true responsibility for our part...that there are indeed two sides to every story and that the failure of any relationship is vary rarely due to one persons decisions...that the real healing will be delayed."

This is key, we can blame, rant, wallow... but until we accept our part in all this, no good will happen. It is kind of like your hangnail, always uncomfortable and painful until we dig it out. Odds are it is going to grow back again unless we make changes. LOL

I usually don't post religious topics but if I choose to I would hope that I would be given the same respect that I give others here! I find the religious posts very helpful as I have put my faith in God and have relied on him to help me get through this!

I find it sad that you find posts about Jesus detrimental to this site.

I have probably posted something on every subject you listed! It has all come in stages, I hardly ever reply or post anymore, this is a rare day, but every now and then I jump in. I use my journal on here a lot and keep in touch with a few friends because it was time for me to move on. And honestly if it were always, "please help me" it would mean none of us have moved on at all from day one. They're all just everyone's personal 'vent' for the moment, and yeah you can take it or leave it!

only read 1 pg of the replies so far.. but wow, threads like this take on a life of their own

The thing is that I really don't think I did anything wrong beyond give up when my x refused to change and got progressively worse. Should I have become a drug addict ho when my x husband decided that was what he wanted? I was devoted to my family until I was the only one who was devoted...even then I hung on for years. I was a good wife. Maybe not the kind of wife he needed but I refuse to apologize for that. You should realize that sometimes it's not the fault of one partner. Am I perfect? No...but I was devoted until I was completely broken.

The one thing we all have in common is that our lives have been ripped apart by breakups or divorce. That's a very strong thing to bond so many people together and we should be proud of the support we give one another. I come in and I give you guys what I have. I come in to see how everyone is doing. I don't respond to everythread sometimes I just don't have the advice to give and if I see others doing a good job with the support I'll leave it at that.

It came become very easy to get caught up in our own pity. I can only take so much of the 'whoa is me'. Like I said I help where I can and a lot of times I need the support myself. I personally cannot respect being content with the constant crying and playing the hand someone else dealt you. I believe you should cry because our souls need it. But when you don't allow yourself to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up and make things happen in your own life I consider it whining; and who really wants to hear that? And would you really consider it healing?
I love to come in here and not know what kinda conversation I'll have. It's easier than having you all over to my house.