Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Have you ever purposely tanked a date?
I went out on a date tonight. Met the girl on-line and she is local. She is a very nice person but I am not attracted what-so-ever to her. Kind of kills it for me because her profile said that she was average and she was much bigger than average. Yes, she was a nice person but I am not attracted to her at all.
During the date I can tell that she is interested in me. Problem is that I am not interested in her so I decided to tactfully attempt to tank the date. I started talking a lot about my ex and tried to do things that I knew would send warning flags up for some people. It didn't work. So I finished the date after dinner and told her that I had a headache (which I did) and that I was going to go home and chill.
Before I get home I get a text message saying she had fun and she enjoyed my company. Why is it that when I like someone and try not to tank it things don't go the way I want them to and when I try to tank the date the girl likes me?
I feel bad about doing this but I just am not interested in this girl. I am probably going to get blasted here because I say that I wasn't attracted to her even though she was nice but I am being honest here, she just didn't catch my eye.
Honestly, have you ever tried to tank a date like I did? How do you handle these things?
I went out on a date tonight. Met the girl on-line and she is local. She is a very nice person but I am not attracted what-so-ever to her. Kind of kills it for me because her profile said that she was average and she was much bigger than average. Yes, she was a nice person but I am not attracted to her at all.
During the date I can tell that she is interested in me. Problem is that I am not interested in her so I decided to tactfully attempt to tank the date. I started talking a lot about my ex and tried to do things that I knew would send warning flags up for some people. It didn't work. So I finished the date after dinner and told her that I had a headache (which I did) and that I was going to go home and chill.
Before I get home I get a text message saying she had fun and she enjoyed my company. Why is it that when I like someone and try not to tank it things don't go the way I want them to and when I try to tank the date the girl likes me?
I feel bad about doing this but I just am not interested in this girl. I am probably going to get blasted here because I say that I wasn't attracted to her even though she was nice but I am being honest here, she just didn't catch my eye.
Honestly, have you ever tried to tank a date like I did? How do you handle these things?
I was very coordial with this girl and not rude. I just tried to spare her the let down of me saying "lets just be friends." We have gotten to that point already because she texted me and we talked about it and it is cool. I definately won't mind hanging around with her as a friend because she is a cool chick, just don't see it going any further than that.
Go right ahead and say that I am a self-absorbed egotistical pig. I don't care. You can say that I am shallow as hell. Maybe I am.
What I do know is what I am attracted to and how I feel about a person. Yes, someone can be nice but sorry, it won't go further than friendship if I am not attracted to that person.
At least I didn't lead this chick on, sleep with her, throw her money for a cab, and tell her to not call me anymore. I treated her very respectfully and tried not to trample on her feelings.
Now I am being called insensitive and fat and all kinds of other crap. Does it really matter...NOPE! Not one bit. Funny thing is that if there is someone out there for me then it will happen, and if there isn't, it will be a hell of a lot healthier for me to sit back and be single then try to find a spark with a person I am not attracted to just for the sake of being with them.
Say what you will....I am saying things that are deep rooted and honest. Yes, a person's merrit is on their personality, and looks aren't everything, but looks are still important, especially more so to guys because we are more of a visual creature.
For instance...a guy sees a pic of a naked woman he can be turned on by it. A woman is turned on by a man's actions and the way he treats her far more than the way he looks. We just work differently and our brains are programed differently.
everyone just feels the way they do..you do..dont sweat it..dont defend it. you is you and thats why we love you
Would it have been totally rude to say to her on that first date that you just weren't feeling it? Awkward perhaps.
I think your heart was in the right place but honesty IS the best way to avoid these situations in the future even if it's uncomfortable for a moment. And like you said you don't need to hurt her feelings over it... if you feel no connection then you feel no connection, is that so hard to say?
ok msde is skinny and average looking, but spunky!
gonna be awhile - oh well
Here is the saying that I will use to make the point that I was trying to make. Please...don't take offense to this.
A man will love a woman for making love to him. A woman needs to feel loved by a man to make love to him.
at least that is the way that I have had it explained to me a few times.
And you are right..I know what you are saying and I agree.