Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

cavahoo1215 08/22/2016

I wake up every morning wishing I could hate her for making me feel this way, but I cant. All I feel is hurt, hurt and more hurt. Everything I hold dear is being torn apart and I cant handle it. Im tired of just walking through my day like a zombie just trying not to cry in front of my coworkers and kids. Ocasionaly I can get angry and think Im better off without her, but those feelings never last long enough. I feel like a fool for caring so much about someone who doesn't even want to be around me. When we talk she uses the phrase"right now" a lot which gives me seemingly false hope that things will be bettet one day. Im just not sure I can hang on long enough to see it through. Ive seen it written that it can three years to feel normal again. Sometimes I feel like I cant go three minutes more in this amount of pain. I really dont think I would ever hurt myself because I know the pain it would leave my children with. She seems to think they wont be affected by this at all, so I need to remain strong for them because I know they will be devastated! This is going to be the longest most painfully frustrating experience of my life. Im going to talk to her about seperating instead of divorce for a while to give us an honest try at working out our own issues and fixing our broken marriage. Im really afraid that I will hear a response that Im dreading because I know whst it means. She has a male "friend" with whom she has been spending an increasing amount of time "working" with. My gut tells me that she would never cheat on me and I know him too and dont think he would do that either, but everything else screams affair. If there is an affair going on they are doing a terrible job of hiding it. So if she refuses to just seperate I will know its because she's all set to move on with another man and dosent want to be tied down anymore. How can two peolpe be going through the same situation with such polar opposite emotions? This is just terrible!

samantha717 08/22/2016

What I've learned is that recovering from a divorce is a process that you absolutely cannot rush. I felt so much like you do for the first couple of months. Therapy has helped me tremendously though! Recently now I've begun to feel much better. I'm actually starting to look forward to it being over so I can start picking up the pieces of my life. It's the waiting that is so difficult ... waiting and worrying. Once it happens, it's over and you can begin focusing on the future. While it's still going on, you torture yourself with what ifs. When I was where you are, I cried my eyes out whenever I wanted and I talked to everyone who would listen. I knew I had to get that out of my system or it would eat me alive. My stbx would also say things occasionally that gave me false hope. It's very cruel. I am at the point now, thank God, where I don't want to be with him anymore ... period. He can take his show on the road now.

mirandac 08/22/2016

It takes three years after the divorce to normalize.

Divorce and seperation are a battlefield especially If
there is a third party involved, cheating in her heart is
Still cheating. I dont know if my ex did it or not before
he asked for a divorce. Doesnt matter he was checked
Out long before and wanted out, well he found his way
Out with a soft landing all ready and waiting for him. His
Vows or marriage meant nothing to him anymore.

I would be seeing a therapist to help you move thru your
Grief and feelings and emotions. Divorce care.org is a great
Group to help with the grieving and divorce support. I am
sorry for your hurt and pain. HUGS

cavahoo1215 08/22/2016

I actually started therapy this past Saturday. It felt so nice to talk to someone about what I was feeling. I have another sedsion onWednesday and my wife surprisingly aggreed to cone with me. At least after this week I will have a good idea of weather or not theres any hope left. Im thinking not

samantha717 08/22/2016

Be careful in that session with your wife. My stbx asked me to go to marriage counseling with him once, but I strongly suspected he wanted to use that opportunity to get the therapist on his side and then blame me for everything that went wrong in our marriage. I said no, I wouldn't go.

mirandac 08/22/2016

I did everything in my power to save my marriage
so i Can hold my head up high. My ex only pretended
To be willing.

One good thing with MC, the therapist got To meet
him, i went alone maybe 6 times She Was Open with
me as she saw the situation. She had met with him
alone once. We Went together 3 times and she then
called Him on a behavior, he was done that was it for
him. I think it was about behaving condescending when
we did an exercise together. I wish you the best HUGS

cavahoo1215 08/22/2016

Perfect example: she told me she was working out after work and would be home by 9. Just got a text, now its 10:30. An entire day without seeing the kids because i will have put them all to bed. Yet she cant draw herself away from spending time with him. Ugh. I hate this

mirandac 08/22/2016

I know and understand your pain, i am sorry.

My ex would go in the other direction when i Was
coming home he was off to play golf. It was at the
same time, then he would Go out to a meeting If
he even came home first. HUGS

samantha717 08/22/2016

Believe me, I've been there. My stbx couldn't stop drinking and watching TV long enough to attend most of DD's school events. The few times he did, he stayed long enough to see her perform and then left. At first, it upset her a lot, but after a while, she preferred it that way. You can't force them to be good parents. All I can say is that someday, she will regret the lousy relationship she has with her children and honestly, what kind of man would encourage a woman to do that to her own children?

Before I ended up married to Mr. Wonderful here, I had a date with a guy who was a single dad. He didn't make a lot of money and was living with his parents who helped take care of his boys. I knew money was tight for him. We only went on one date, but it was to a super expensive French restaurant. I'm talking the best French restaurant in the city, the kind where the menus they give to the women don't have prices on them. Was I impressed? Did that win him points with me? No on both counts. In fact, it had the opposite effect. All I could think about was how much money he was blowing on dinner, food essentially, when he had two little kids at home he was struggling to support. We could have just gone out for pizza, burgers or even coffee. He looked stunned when I stuck out my hand to give him a handshake at my door instead of a kiss.

cavahoo1215 08/22/2016

The thing is, I'll be heading out every other night whenever she gets home. All she will do is text back and forth with him the entire evening. I would like to have a sit down face to face talk with him, but Im not sure I could control my emotions.
This has turned into one of those nice feeling angry nights. Feels better than being sad.

cavahoo1215 08/22/2016

Thank you all for your support. Its nice to know im not the only one who goes through this.

mirandac 08/22/2016

My ex loved his texting too so clever. HUGS

strongandsilent 08/22/2016

I also wished I could be angry. My ex cheated on me - I was blindsided completely! I spend 17 months in deep grief. I was only after that that is was able to sustain anger for any period of time. Anger was a relief. But, you absolutely have to get thru the disbelief, shock, grief.

It takes time.

Sending you all my best vibes

mirandac 08/22/2016

I got to the gut wretching rage stage,
Thankfully i was in divorce care at the
time To work thru it. I still embrace my
healthy Anger toward him.

Rage is a terrible emotion and feeling,
I feel bad for people that live with it.
Hugs

MTGrl 08/22/2016

"I wake up every morning wishing I could hate her for making me feel this way, but I cant. All I feel is hurt, hurt and more hurt."

I hear ya....that's exactly where I'm at.

Take care of you

steppingovertheedge 08/22/2016

I wish you the best. I'm good at anger. When I found out about my now-ex's cheating, I was quite capable of the anger and hate... most of the time. And I preferred it too.

Your wife is almost certainly cheating on you. I hate to say it. If she's not, then she is at least cruelly toying with your emotions. I hope there is some chance that you can salvage your marriage, via counseling or some other means, but... If I were you I would start on the "180" TODAY. Like, right now. You immediately start focusing on YOU and your kids. She is no longer important. If she wants the relationship to continue, she can go ahead and make an effort. Otherwise, who needs her. Yeah, you'll be faking it to start. But it's still the best way forward IMO. You can google the 180 approach. Here's one semi-random link: http://grahamreidphoenix.com/2010/09/the-male-180/ .

If you're stuck in the hurt, you are probably blaming yourself the most. Some of that can be helpful, in that you are forced to accept that you're not perfect and you made mistakes in the relationship. But you can dwell too much on that! She made mistakes too. And if she's now cheating, then she made huge ones. So forgive yourself. Anyway, good luck! This is a great site so keep posting.

Join the Conversation