Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My spouse and I have been married 15 years. We love each other and both have been faithful but it has been a difficult marriage. We both have past histories of trauma. I have been in active therapy but he chooses mostly to not participate. He use to rage on me and the kids yearly and then feel great shame. He's gotten help for rages and he hasn't in 2 years but he can't manage conflict without leaving. He's been living out of the home mostly for two years and visiting weekends. I think he may have undiagnosed autism but refuses to get assessed and gets defensive if I suggest a neurological root to his sensory issues, his need for order and his trouble with communicating.
He is the most generous man I know, both to his family and community (donating buildings etc) and he has created a significantly secure life for us which I know would continue if either of us ended the marriage. We are both sexually experienced and fit and mutually agree that our sexual relationship is the most satisfying without going into specifics.
He has accused me of being controling which has been true at times in fear that his leaving with lead to my losing him. He told me tonight he is in too much emotional pain from our relationship and will not be returning home and maybe in the future he can get beyond the resentment.
It's been 2 years since he's been home full time. Lastly, he has significant medical problems that will end his life within ten years. He wants to live his bucket list while I still have kid responsibilities.
He said maybe if he gets over his resentments and issues we can have a future. He said he doesn't expect me to wait for him yet I want him home now. I feel I've wasted 2 years waiting and I'm fearful that after the grief of his decision gets to acceptance in a year, that I won't really look for a companion successfully because I'm really just waiting for him. But maybe he never returns.
I'd appreciate any feedback. I've read other shares and I think the feedback has been solid. I'm too close to get a rational perspective. Thank you and happy holidays
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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I think you are still waiting and hoping that he will snap out of whatever he has been doing for the last 2 years, and he'll come back home and act like everything is normal again.
But after 2 years.... if nothing has really changed, then it is in your best interest to move on, as well. Holding out hope is not healthy for you. You don't want to waste any more of your life, waiting around. His actions are speaking very loudly.
This is not what you wanted to happen, but unfortunately it is. Go live your life. Think seriously about filing for divorce. Because it will be too hard for you to find another person, if you are still married and still holding out hope.
Think of it from his point of view. He is not holding out hope, he is not waiting. He is out living his life. And you should be doing the same. Relationships don't work unless both people want to be together. For whatever reason, he wants to go do his own thing. Maybe like you said, due to his terminal illness.
No, it won't be easy. And I'm sorry this is happening to you. But I would say after 2 years of his behavior, and he's moved out, nothing is going to change back to the way it was. You've waited long enough. Time to go live your life! You deserve to have a good life!
Take care of YOU now, and your kids. I would suggest focusing on what you want for your life, with or without him, what are your dreams, your wants, your desires, your goals.... for the rest of your life? And work on those things for yourself.
Since it is unclear what he wants, please go and live your life. Waiting is so stressful and all the waiting could lead to - nothing. But if you live your life, then you will care less and less what he is or isn't doing. Because you will be focusing on YOU.
We can't change another person. Unfortunately!! I just think you have waited around long enough, hoping. That sounds very stressful for you.
I agree with much of what has been said above. With your statements
about his verbal abusiveness and being away for 2 years it doesn't sound
very hopeful or healthy for you at all.
It must be so painful for you to be looking at the potential finality that
divorce can bring.
He has told you that he doesn't expect you to wait around for him and that
he is uncertain about returning home. It might bring some relief if you tell
him that you will not be waiting around for him. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Three days ago I finally emailed him that he has enough information to make a decision and that it's in my best interest to not be in contact with him unless urgent and I will be cordial regarding the kids.
You are all right. It's a journey about finding me. Thank you so much and happiness to you too on your journey.
Thanks for the update. I am glad that you are concentrating more on YOU and your kids.
I would seriously consider filing for divorce. It has been 2 years that he left. Many husbands don't want to divorce because then they'd have to pay you spousal support, child support, give you half of his money.... So they try to talk you out of divorce due to them having to pay you money. But since he's already pretty much gone and moved out, then you need to get what you are entitled to from this marriage. You will need this money to live on in the future. And for your kids' future.
He can't have his cake and eat it, too. He can't just leave you in limbo. It seems like it has been long enough. Please consider filing for divorce so that you can truly move on with your life.