Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Back in January my partner of four years split up with me and despite it being over 3 months I am struggling to move on. We started dating when we was 20, we've bascially grown up together and to know he won't be in my life no more hurts. I cannot find a fault in our relationship for the most part as we barely argued but in a sense that might have been our downfall - the lack of communitcation. He dropped out of college and gave up on his education and went to live back home, even though I was still at college he sometimes continued to live with me at college as we had the same friendship group. Once we all graduated and everyone started to get jobs he was still halted in unemployment getting temporary jobs that were no means of income for the future. I was working in an office and was being paid good money and he did rely on me for money to help him and of course I helped because I loved him, because of his situation I also paid for things like holidays etc. so we could both enjoy them together and be happy. About a year ago I put my card on his phone to buy something and a few days later I noticed £10 bets being made on my statements, when I asked him he did admit it was him but he thought it was his bank card and he ended up admitting to me he had a gambling addiction and had spend hundreds if not thousands of his own money. I know you'll all think this is a red flag but my saviour complex assumed I could help and support him. After that outburst things went back to normal somewhat and we moved past it, he applied for university again and I spent a year visiting him and supporting him on that journey.
Fastforward to September 2020 he got a decent job working for health (although this is temporary because of covid) he was getting paid good money and things were looking up. However he worked extremely long hours but at least things was looking up. Although admittedly at this time he paused university again for this job! By Christmas the long hours meant he was being quite distant and I tried to keep interest and I could tell he was slipping away. Now January come and he calls me to say he doesnt want to be with me anymore, he said he is struggling and feels anxious and feels like a failure, he has no education (college level) and is stuck in life and said he needs to focus on himself. I was gutted as all I've wanted is to help him and support him! I tried to make him stay but his mind was made up, he said he still loves me and hes not good enough for me and that he needs to focus on himself and sort his life out.
I have not contacted him since we broke up, I've done the 30 no contact and he did contact me and admitted he was struggling and was sad and he felt much better after speaking to me... then I havent heard from him since! Its nearly been two months now and no word, I havent messaged him and I'm focusing on fitness to try fill a void. We have the same friendship group so it kills me when I see my friends hanging out and I know he is most likely there it just makes me sad that he left me but still has time to go out with friends! He was my bestfriend and I don't want to let go, he said its nothing to do with me why the relationship ended but him, do you think I still have a chance? In your opinions do you think he will regret everything?? I felt like I supported him so much and he's thrown it in my face but I dont blame him because I know his circumstances are hard. Any opinions would help :)
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Sadly, more often than not, relationships that start so young don't usually work out long term. It's not anyone's fault. People grow up, they grow apart. They want different things for their lives. They need time to go "find themselves". There is nothing you can do to change his mind. Best to leave him alone.
Like you just wrote, reading back your first post, he had traits that were not good for you. He stole money from you, he lied to you (about that, not a good sign). He doesn't have the ambition in life to work and be the man you want and need. He wants to still party with his/your friends. You two just want different things in life.
You say he is your best friend. Do you have any girl friends that you consider good or best friends? Also, finding friends outside of that group would be a really good idea.
What helped me after a bad break up was reading books about break ups, listening to podcasts and free YouTube videos about break ups. I would do this and cry... get it all out of my system. Then I could move on. I would suggest to you, reading some of these books or watching the Youtube videos that focus on getting over a break up. It helped me a lot.
Best way to move on is to stay busy with your work, take up new hobbies where you make some new friends. You will get better, you will move on, you will be even happier. It takes some time. Try not to focus on him as much, counting the number of days since you last talked.... as that just delays moving on. Focus on your own life, what you want to do in life. You are going to be okay!
but I think why you still care is because you love/loved him . You want him to do good .he can sit here and say he feels like a failure and all that but what is he’s doing about it. until he gets his shit together nothing will happen . You can bring a horse to the water but you can’t force the horse to drink.
There’s 2 books I read number of years ago
Women who love too much -Robin Norwood
The Mystery: Finding True Love in a World of Broken Lovers-Lacey Sturm
I don’t really have any close friends, I have a few that are still good friends with him. I don’t even know where to begin to find other friends that don’t know him because I’m not the most socially active person!
I’ve been reading a few books but I think I’m going to have to reread them, I’m not sure but this last week has felt like the breakup all over again. I’m going to buy the book by Robin Norwood on Amazon so thank you for the suggestion. :)
I really do hope things get easier.
"It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy"
and "He's Just Not That Into You"
both by Greg Behrendt.
Highly recommend! Also, just do a search for Break Ups on Amazon and you will see some other books. Try YouTube and podcasts, too, for free audio help to listen to. It helps. Good luck!
Yes, no contact can help you to grasp what life is like without your partner and make them/you miss that feeling. It also helps you to maintain your self care and to focus on yourself to become a more positive version of yourself. That will attract positive in your life. If you haven’t heard from him and you haven’t said anything to him for 1-2 months. Maybe try reaching out and seeing how they are. In my case, I was blindsided by this and waited 10 days before sending the letter and video. It sucks to not get a response, but at least you know that you have done what you can, you’ve made your intentions clear and it is on them now. I truly believe 30-60 days is long enough to think things over.