Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I made it through the divorce this year and have made it through a year on my own. I am so much happier now, but I am struggling with the co-parenting issue. My daughter is 8 and I share custody with him -- which is a total joke. He basically haves her spend a night once a month her (if I am lucky) and takes her on vacation. Other than that, he has gone missing.
Last year, he picked her up from school every day and then would spend a couple of hours with her and drop her off with me. For the summer, he has decided he has no responsibility. I asked him if he wanted to pick her up from camp and was told that shared custody does not mean he has to pick her up from camp. So she never sees him. He pays for nothing, I drop her off and pick her up from camp. He maybe sees her for a couple of hours in an evening or a weekend.
Bottom line is that he wants to punish me. He likes the fact that I have to take off of work and get her. He'd rather punish me than see her. He refuses to communicate directly with me about seeing her -- so he uses her as the go-between. He tells her to call me if you want to do something, but she's 8 and doesn't think about it. I tell him this and he still refuses to communicate. He left town and gave me less than a days notice. My daughter is doing okay, but she is having problems separating from me. I think in part because her father has mostly gone missing.
I am at my wits end on this one. He is playing games with me -- refusing to pick her up or drop her off at camp or take her for any amount of time (because it would give me a break). He is more focused on punishing me than seeing her. I would like to go after full custody, but don't have the money and really am exhausted with the legal issues. It has taken me until now to get out of debt from the divorce. My daughter wants to see her dad and would see me as the bad guy if I push the issue. I get no child support and am drained at having to run a household, work full time, pay for everything (including her private school), and manage her full time. I tried to get him to sit down and talk with me about some sort of mandated schedule on visitation and even that he played games with me on. He ingnored my text for a week and then the day I was leaving town with my daughter for a few days vacation said let's talk (and by then I could not fit it in my schedule). I am exasperated. I want to have him be an active co-parent, but he is more focused on punishing me. Advice?
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
there was this time during my divorce when my ex was spending a lot of time with the kids and I couldn't. It literally killed me to see my children. I was breaking down every time they were with me because it reminded me of failure and how life will never be the same.
It was my problem, I dealt with it and we began a good co-parenting cycle.
Have you tried talking to him 1:1 to find out why he is doing this ? Somehow, I feel like it is not the same thing that I was going through, but you never know.
You can't MAKE him be a better father. He has to come to it on his own. I know it will hurt your daughter, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. My father stopped coming around when I was little. I waited for him.. it never happened, I gave up.
There was another man in my life who took his place and I think of him fondly.
Passive aggressives can't and won't change. I don't think you will get any more from him than you already have. You might not even get him picking her up from school, once September rolls around. He's someone you will never be able to count on, even if his actions hurt your daughter, and hurt him. He is so deeply emotionally disturbed, and pulling crap to hurt you is still his way of having control. If you are able to set up having a teen or college student pick her up from school and watch her till you're off work, that would eliminate needing him. I know it would minimize contact your daughter has with him, but he could see her at other times. The only healthy solution I can see for you is for you is to minimize contact you have with him and never set up a situation where you need him. Keep looking for solutions, and remember that for him, it really is about hurting you. I'm so sorry he's an idiot.