Hi! Oh yeah... I remember your situation. It was the 10 year relationship with a boyfriend and he ended it and you had no closure? Did you ever find out why he left (my guess was another woman, but I was just wondering if he ever did tell you)?

Sometimes the long term relationships that start when you're young, and don't turn into marriage or any kind of truly 100% committed situation, grow apart as you both mature and both decide you want other things from life (you want better things than him, too!)

What you're feeling now is completely normal. It is not pleasant, but after 10 years and being blindsided in the end, you will have up and down feelings. And you threw yourself into busy-work and did everything not to think about him or the relationship ending. But actually, you might be better off grieving for the loss you suffered. It IS a loss. Once you go through the grieving process, and really come to terms with why and how it ended, and focus on why you are better off without someone who would end it the way he did..... you will come out the other end better than ever. It's only been a couple months.... be patient with yourself. You will get there!

Hello, I kind of know how you feel. I going through a similar experience, I was in a 6 years relationship and everything ended badly, bottom line she left me for someone else, although the relationship clearly was not the best, it hurt badly. It's been 7 months, and I have been a lot better for most part. I picked up new things, changed my diet, working out, went out on dates, and even now I getting involved with someone a bit, but the truth is that I don't feel much for anyone (I started dating after 6 months or so).

And yes, I still have some bad days, yesterday was really bad after a weird dream about her, today I went for a ride and I saw her with her new bf, and I think i feel a bit more disgusted than anything else. Sometimes you invest a lot in someone and is reasonable to miss them and have bad days because of it, and they were with us for a long time and lived experiences that marked our lives and changed us. Embrace the sad days, is a healthy thing to go through. Try to found your weak spots and work on those to improve yourself. A big hug and I wish you the best.

I'm sorry you're struggling at this time. You are doing awesome and it's completely normal for relapses in sad feelings. In my experience, it can come in waves but these dark times become shorter and shorter. Keep thinking positively and try not to let the concern of expecting these times overcome you. You are so strong.

I have relapses sometimes, and am dealing with one right now, in fact.

It helps to go back and retry those things you probably did at the beginning of the breakup, things you probably stopped doing because you no longer needed to. For example, making a list of your ex's bad qualities, etc. Your family and friends tell you that you're better off - make a list of the reasons. I also believe it takes 18 months to "detox" from an ex and all the chemicals your brain became accustomed to. I am almost there - it's been about 16 months and I notice I no longer crave his physical presence, no longer remember his kisses or his touch. However, I learned some new information over the weekend that has me backsliding a bit. I will bounce back soon. I hope you do, too.

As everyone here posted, it's normal. Mine has been really 4 months (Of course only 2 weeks of no contact). I'm like you - keeping busy, meeting people, even going on dates. But still a sadness inside. Something will trigger it. While cycling is normal, it should get better in time.

11Christmases posted it takes 18 months. I've read it takes half as long in the relationship to get over it. I personally think it will always be a part of me. Not that it will always be sad, just always there.

Hang in there. Just continue on the path you are on.

GirlinCalif
I found out what happened but not through him telling me. He was cheating on me in the end of our relationship and he is currently dating the girl he cheated with.
It was relief to see them together. One of my biggest fears was seeing him move on and I got the opportunity to face that fear early on in my healing process. I'm thankful I get to face it sooner rather than later. Still hurts but I'll process it with time.
Thank you for your words of encouragement, everything helps at this point!

Broken_Abroad
I know what you mean, it hurts badly no matter what the circumstances, it messes with your heart and your head. I haven't started dating yet and I don't plan to until I'm ready (most likely 6+ months from now). I was with him for a long time and he was all I ever really knew so I need to figure things out. Thank you for the kind words - a big hug back and I'm sorry you have to go through this too!

Growthhurts
You are right, the dark times have gotten dull as well as shorter and shorter. I need to keep sight on how awful it was in the beginning. Growth does hurt but we get stronger!

11Christmases
I'm sorry you are also relapsing, it's a scary feeling especially if you don't trust yourself (like me). That is an excellent point to go back to what I did in the beginning, I tried it today and it definitely brought me a lot of comfort. I guess I wasn't really fully ready for the training wheels to come off but that's okay, healing happens in time.
I am trying to limit my ability to take in new information regarding him, I try to stay away from his social media but I do look sometimes in moments of weakness. and I think this will only pro-long the process. Continuing to look keeps me connected to him in some way and i'm sure my brain gets to feel those chemicals again. I have to focus on the detox. It is like a drug. We will both bounce back, we got this!

Nicholas1993
There is always a trigger or reminder somewhere! My cycling has gotten much better but I feel it happening a little more than I expected lately. We'll keep doing what we do and let time work it's magic for us. Keep hanging in as well!