For the most part I have become indifferent to her affair, but at times it still bothers me.  She sent me a text tonight saying she'd decided to stay there again tonight. I had expected nothing different despite what she'd said all day about coming home later tonight. Im glad she's not coming home so I dont have to see her, but for some reason it made me so angry.  

Im done arguing with her about her inappropriate behaviors. It does no good and only serves to make me more upset and angry. Now that I have somewhat recovered from being totally floored by all of this I have been able to take a step back a look at things a little more clearly. I now see that this is something that she wanted to do and the issues weve had over the past 15 years of marriage only served as her excuse to justify it. She went away on a two week business trip about 4 months ago and came back a totally different person. She fell in love with the "care free" life, met her new "friend" and started behaving like a college aged kid. From the moment I hugged her at the airport when I picked her up after her trip I knew something was different. 

It just amazes and confuses me as to how someone who I have always known to be a pretty mature and stable woman could flip her personality the way she has. This new version sucks and it has affected her job which has always come first to her. 

Who the hell does she think she is to tear our family apart because she wants to have more fun and freedom and then blames it all on me. I feel so betrayed and insulted. On one hand Im glad this is happening because I have taken an honest look back over our relationship and realized that I really wasnt all that happy. Yes we had good times and yes there are things that I will miss, but I will not miss her emotional high maintenance and mood swings. Her making mountains out of mole hills and often refusing to do  things that I thought would be fun because she just didnt want to.  I wont miss her controlling personality and her incessant need to control everything at home, and her often bitchy attitude.

Im sure I will miss things but right now I cant think of any. I feel that once we get lasting seperation we can get back to being friends and work together to raise our kids. Im fully expecting to have the kids a lot so that she can have free time and time with her new man. Im totally fine with that. My kids are the only thing that matters to me now.  Im going to continue to make positive changes in my life to be an example to my boys of how a father and man should conduct themselves. Im no longer burdened by what she feels about anything, and its quite liberating.  I couldnt care less what her opinion is on anything.  Im just going live my life and she and her fellow home wrecker can live what ever life they desire.  They deserve each other thats for sure  

Looking forward to a fresh start and the future is bright