Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Let me start out by saying, this idea didn't originate from me. I was reading a website (suggested by kbbcoop77 to someone else) and it was that website (www.breakupdiscoveryguide.com) which suggested starting a thread like this.
That being said, I think this is a great platform to either post what we would like to say to our STBX / Ex, or to post about our struggle with No Contact.
That being said, I think this is a great platform to either post what we would like to say to our STBX / Ex, or to post about our struggle with No Contact.
Concerning this line: "Most of all i hate how easy it was for you to get over me".
I don't know if this will help or hurt, but I suspect that in the vast majority of cases it is not necessarily easy for the leaver to get over you. It just happened much earlier. They spent a lot of time growing apart and/or cheating, frankly (perhaps just emotionally, perhaps not). They are just farther along in the process. And in many cases they find someone else *before* they leave, because they are too cowardly to tell you how they feel about your relationship until they have a backup plan or next step lined up.
That appears to be the sad and destructive truth most of the time.
The hardest part of my stbx w leaving me has been the horrible feeling that she just flipped a switch and stopped loving me. Failing to take my own advice on this thread, I sent her an email over the weekend expressing that fact and I also told her that knowing the reasons why, would not heal the wounds she has caused. I slid a little backwards there, but honestly I feel better having expressed fully how her actions have hurt me.
@Steppingovertheege - what you say makes a lot of sense. I suspect that my stbx w, either never was "in love" with me or that she had fallen out of love with me prior to marriage. I am not sure why she would have moved forward with the marriage if she had, but I am not in her mind and can't claim to understand her actions.
Then, she "flipped the switch" and went from reconnecting with me, telling me she loves me and suddenly having sex with me in May, to advertising for bike buddies and dating her new guy literally the same week. It seems she already had the new guy lined up.
My conclusion is that I was the "default" guy while she was looking. So as painful as it all is to me, it wasn't painful at all to her. She is happily telling me how she came up with the bike idea to get out and meet new guys, like she's proud if it, and how she has such an open and honest relationship with her new guy. Really? After dating him supposedly for three weeks?
I've shared a lot in the past about the things I did for her over this past year while I desperately tried to reconcile, and the stark intellectual conclusion is that I was simply manipulated and used. Even a couple of weeks ago when I hooked up the pump for the waterfall in the pond and ran the grill for her going away party for my step-daughter.
I don't know what hurts the most right now, as it is all a jumble of pain. I do know I need to set boundaries as I don't want to hear about New Guy anymore and I need to let go, heal and move on.