Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Let me start out by saying, this idea didn't originate from me. I was reading a website (suggested by kbbcoop77 to someone else) and it was that website (www.breakupdiscoveryguide.com) which suggested starting a thread like this.
That being said, I think this is a great platform to either post what we would like to say to our STBX / Ex, or to post about our struggle with No Contact.
That being said, I think this is a great platform to either post what we would like to say to our STBX / Ex, or to post about our struggle with No Contact.
This one is for my current marriage that I dont think will survive due to the fact it was manufactured under duress and circumstances that did not allow me to heal from my first marriage.
I wish we could have known each other in better circumstances because despite our differences and all of the damage we did to each other. ...I feel like we are both able to grow from it. Just two people healing from past wounds. I wish you peace and happiness despite how much you have hurt me.
When he was done with you, he kicked you to the curb like trash. Just like I said he would. And sure enough, now that you are hurt and humiliated, and have absolutely NOTHING... NOW you want me to take you back.
You have treated me like a door mat for too many years. You have made me cry too many times. 18 years is enough. You cheated on me. Made me feel like it was my fault. I gave you every bit of me and I am now a shell of a woman. But what you don't know is that I am strong enough to come through this a better woman with more confidence, strength, beauty, charm and poise than I ever had with you in my life. You will understand one day that the grass isn't greener on the other side. But it is too late. I am done being controlled by you. I am beginning my new life. One that will allow me to experience true happiness. A life that will allow me to experience that true love doesn't come with conditions. I hope that you and the OW truly make each other miserable in your days, months or years to come. She deserves to experience your narcissistic tendencies as punishment for screwing with a married man. I will be the one to make sure our children feel loved, and grow up understanding what it means to be loved. Not the skewed F'd up version that you have shown me. Good Bye, Good Riddance!! May karma treat you as well as you have treated me. May karma also deliver its wrath to you on Xmas eve the way you did to me.
"Stop trying to talk to me. Stop trying to get me to be your friend. Stop thinking you can convince me to stop the divorce. You checked out of our marriage 2 years ago, and I am 99% sure now that you cheated on me before we ever married. You certainly cheated after we were married. Yes we had some good times. Yes there were times I thought we were meant to be. Yes I had dreams too of spending our lives together, being a happy family, you me and J against the world. But you ruined that. You made me believe you were a family man. Then when our baby is 3 months old, you decide to flip a switch and spend all of your time and money on alcohol and pot. I practically destroyed myself running around in circles, trying to keep us financially sound, trying to take care of the baby, trying to keep you happy. And you pissed all over it. Then to top it off, you started cheating on me. And every since we split up, you were drunk and high 24/7, chasing anything with boobs. Barely working. Barely seeing your son. Shacking up with an honest to goodness crack head, who lost parental rights to her own children. Your antics landed you in jail when you got in a fight while blackout drunk. I cried my eyes out in the beginning, so sad to be alone, so worried you'd never get your karma. And now, I'm glad you finally got the reality check of a few weeks in jail. I hope you really did find God. I hope you really are sober. I hope you really do finally see that you need to get your shit together. But how in the hell you think I could EVER take you back, after all of this garbage, is beyond me. I am not attracted to you. I do not respect you. The thought of ever letting you so much as hold my hand makes me want to vomit. Get your shit together, so that maybe your son won't ever have to see you the way you've been for all but the first 3 months of his life. Maybe find a way to be the man you were when we fell in love, for the sake of your parents, your family, your son. But we will NEVER be together again. I dont want that. So stop trying to get me to be with you. You missed your chance, the illusion of us ever having again what we once had is LONG since gone from my mind."
Thank you
Dear X,
I want so bad to talk to you... ask where are you... are you OK... is this what you REALLY wanted? But I know the answers. You made it clear that you hate me and blame me for what you did. As you said I didn't do enough so at the age of 27 you will never have "babies", because as you told me you should have 4 by now. That's all you cared about having "babies". I told you I wanted to get married and then have sometime to ourselves to enjoy that. But to you I said "We are never having babies!" I told you over and over I wanted to have children and you told me over and over I didn't. Now we never will because as you said you gave up on ever having children so you just wanted to have fun, "I envy people with no families because they have no one to answer to!" is what you yelled at me. And to you "fun" is cheating on me with a girl from your work that you said is a drunk pothead and does LSD. You told me the reason she didn't text you over the weekends is because she is so high she forgets she has a phone. Now that we are apart you though she would run to you... but she didn't. She didn't want you. You where just a fling. How does it feel to get played? I would feel sorry but you got mad at me and said it was my fault. But that's how it has been for the last few years... everything is my fault. You would yell at me and say I was controlling. Now I am far from perfect and I know most would have a hard time understanding me. So I asked what was I controlling in our relationship.... and you told me the radio in the car and the air conditioner. THAT'S all you could come up with. Truth is you controlled everything. What we did, where we went, what we watched, what we ate, you name it you controlled it. I was the "controlling one" when I followed you around like a puppy doing everything you asked and everyone saw it. When I pointed that out to you, you just said I was wrong and nothing else. You even tried to say me holding your hand in public was me trying to control you... when in reality I'm so scared to be around people I needed you to be my strength and you gladly did that in the beginning but in the end I was just a burden.
When you left I told you that the one thing you can't deny is that I loved you... and you turned around and told me you believed I didn't really. How could you say THAT! I told you everyday, unlike a lot of guys, I cooked for you, I comforted you, turns out I was comforting you during your heartache for that other girl these last few months, I took care of you when you where sick. If I was sick most of the time you wouldn't even ask me how I was doing. How can you say I didn't love you? I know what you would say because you said it a lot the last few months... if I loved you I would do more... which is your way of saying quit my job. Yes it's crap. We get paid nothing, treated like crap, and I have had some horrible people working in my department... but I'm a leader, something I have never been in my life, and yeah I kind of like it. I have a great crew now. I am happier now at work than I have been in forever. But you hated it. You said it was the reason we couldn't have "babies", you didn't want children just the "babies", you told me so. Yes if a job I thought I could do came up I would try for it.... but you tried to get me to take jobs I never could do or want to do. You harassed me over that for years... even the week before I found out about you cheating you tried to get me to take a job you would of had to drive me to. Why would you do that when you told that girl you where planning on leaving me? You would leave and I would of had no way to get to that job. Dumped and unemployed? Was that your plan? Was that some kind of revenge on the made up slights I had did against you? The two things in my life I am good at and What to do with my life... my art and writing... you degraded and told me you gave up on me doing anything with it. It's hard to be creative when someone is looking over their shoulder asking them, "Can you make money from that?" That's why I stopped drawing... the one thing I pride myself on and I quit because of you.
Hmmm the more I write... the less I want to talk to you... I know this feeling is temporary but I'll take it. When I started to write this I wanted so bad to hear your voice but I was scared I would beg you to come back. I know I don't really want you... I can forgive everything but you hurt me too deeply. I wont be played a fool again... I have done that too many times. I wanted to give you everything but you tossed me aside for someone who didn't even want you. Now that I remember it, didn't a guy date you before just to make his real girlfriend jealous? Seems like I'm not the only one who gets played for a fool.
You know when I write I quote a lot of song lyrics but I bet you never wondered why. It's easier for me to communicate how I feel using someone else's words... so here it comes. To quote my favorite band, the all girl Japanese band, SCANDAL... (that you HATED because you hated me liking a band made up of cute women and I have no idea why when you where cheating on me...)
"Even if a miracle never happens
As long as your heart's beating
Don't let the past bring you down
Give it your best
Do it for yourself and nobody else
Believe in yourself and move forward"
SCANDAL- Your Song (translated)
I think I'm going to put on some music and draw before I head to bed. These good moments don't last long so I'm going to take advantage of it!
Good night where ever you are! Remember, your the reason your alone.
Aaron
Oh man, I think I wrote too much but I NEEDED that!
thank you so much for everything! I couldn't thank you more!
I lost you, but I found myself and somehow that was everything! So, thank you for cheating on me, after 12 years, after I spent all my energy and money, to start a family with you. You know, dear ex, I was very upset for what you did to me, to my family and to your own family...but you know what..I'm a much better person now. The little girl you met a long time ago, she doesn't exist anymore..So thank you!
Oh...all the times you told me I wouldn't be able to do something, to accomplish something..well...turns out I did everything I wanted, without you and I accomplished a lot of things...Oh..remember that job position I wanted so bad and you told me I wasn't good enough to earn it? wow..I got the job position! Remember when I told you I wanted to get a new car and you said "no!"? wow..I got a brand new car! Remember when you told me I couldn't travel by myself because I didn't know how to take care of my self (what??)? wow..I traveled the world all by myself and I survided!Remember when you told me I didn't have enough energy or courage to exercise more??wow..I'm becoming a pilates/yoga master!Remember when you told me, the day I discovered that you were visiting someone else's home, that I would never find someone like you, in my life, do you remember that? well, I hope I won't find someone like you! That's true!
So, I have to thank you, dear ex, for waking me up, for making me see that life needs to be live at its fullest. Thank you for making me stronger and wiser.
Hope you're fine.
C.R.
Guys, we also have to keep in mind the good things we've gained. I'm sure we are better people now and we've gained more than we've lost.
I won't lie and say that you are constantly the one person on my mind on any given day. I know that, given everything that happened between us, I would have done a lot of things differently. I shouldn't have given you all of me. I shouldn't have been afraid to walk on eggshells around you. I should have paid more attention to the needs that I had rather than breaking myself down for an expectation of you that, quite frankly, you couldn't fulfill. The only thing I know I wouldn't, I couldn't do, was not to love you. And I guess that's the reason, even 2 years later, I'm still irrational when it comes to your well-being. I want to be there for you, but I know that that would only hurt me even more. So I will deal with this pain without you, and I will trust that you will be able to care for yourself.
I'm sorry I lost trust in you. I'm sorry you say things in anger that you don't mean at times. You can't unsay them any more than I can, and the damage is done.
I know I did my best to forgive and restore trust, both in you and of me. I'm sorry I failed.
I do wish that, if you were that far gone in your thinking, already planning ways to meet guys and date, that you had not had sex with me while I made love with you. That's why it seems so fast to me, because it meant so much more to me than it did to you. You say we are really good in bed together, but that isn't enough, then you say finally having sex with me cemented your decision to move on. It is tough to hear that something I thought was so special actually cemented your decision to seek someone else. Talk about a failure in bed, and in life.
I'm glad you took the time to ride with me. It was really nice and I did enjoy seeing the eagle nest. I had hoped for a nice relaxing normal ride, and I had that right up until you made the "bike buddies way to meet guys revelation." I'm sorry the implications of that announcement and its probable timing distressed me some and intruded on the peace of the ride for me. I had no idea you were that far gone moving on already when you had sex with me.
You have no idea how much all of this hurt me, again, punctuated by the encounter with seeing you with him.
I remember when you used to be in love with me, at least I think you were - how proud of me you were. The way you talked about me to your friends and to Kim - telling the story of me taking a drawer full of books up from your basement, etc. I ache for your love and affection and for you to be proud of me and in love with me again, but clearly you have not been for a long time.
I wish things were different, but accept that they are not. I'll get over it, though it takes me a little time sometimes when you first drop things on me. I realize I tend to react first, and think later, and it results in email or text or other damaging communication. That's something I need to work on. I'm also sorry for that.
You told me I'd be okay, and I'm really not okay at all right now, and I have nowhere to turn. I have very deep and sincere feelings for you. I love you, whether you hurt me or not, whether you are in love with me or not and have not been, or whether you love me or not,. I can't just shut that off. That is the only thing I know for sure right now, and you are gone.