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Overwhelming Emotions

orangeblast95
orangeblast95

Over the past week, my ex girlfriend who cheated on me after almost two years of dating, contacted me saying happy birthday and continued to message me. She's been on this mission to give me my sweatshirt back but refuses to meet me when I am available. It has been a year since my ex and I broke up. She thinks I am in a relationship with someone else simply because I put a picture of a friend and I together up on this app. I do not know if she is still dating the guy that she cheated with on me. All of these emotions are overwhelming my brain. I have an exam on Monday and I feel if I don't take care of this situation soon, my test grade will suffer because I will be thinking of her. 


I am in need of help on how to handle this situation in the least painful way possible for me. I have not actually seen/touched her since June and it makes me sad because I used to be a huge part of her life and now I am completely out of it. 

HellandHeartbreak
HellandHeartbreak
I am so sorry, if its been so long since you saw each other maybe it would be easier now to tell her to keep the sweater and getting together is not a good idea. But that also depends of your intentions because you are not sure completely what hers are. walk away if you are clear headed and healing without her.
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
How to handle this:

Step 1. Text her to say she can keep the sweatshirt and ask her not to contact you.

Step 2. Delete her contact info from your phone, delete/block her from your social media accounts.

Step 3. Whenever you think of her, start counting to 10,000 until she leaves your head.
Escape
Escape
If you really want that sweater tell her to mail it. (Give a friend's address if she doesnt know where you live). If you dont care about the sweater tell her to keep it, toss it, donate it or burn it.

She's playing mind games with you. She probably realizes she made a mistake but doesnt want to admit it for fear of rejection.

I think shes hoping that you miss her as much as she misdes you and wants you to ask her back. DONT! Wether or not you are willing to forgive her DO NOT forgive her or allow her to manipulate you this way. If she wants forgiveness she NEEDS to ask for it. Then it'll be up to you if you want to try with her. But until those magic words are said AND she proves she can be trusted AND you are willing to forgive her. she has lost any right she once had to contact you or to answers about your dating life.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
The sweatshirt is just an excuse. And wishing you happy birthday all of a sudden. She is obviously feeling jealousy and probably anxiety that she thinks you have moved on and she thinks you are seeing someone else. It seems she wants to meet you in person to talk.... about what... I am not 100% sure.

You need to decide, in your own mind, if you are completely done with her and don't want her back at all. Only then will you know what to do.
orangeblast95
orangeblast95
Here's an update. She said she would let me know tonight if she will be able to meet tomorrow. I believe she's not even going to go through with it. She's done this plenty of times where she says she will let me know but then cancels. She asked me if I took my " girlfriend" (a fake one I made up with a picture of a friend) to the restaurant that my ex and I used to go to all the time. She was testing me, and I said " Oh we've been everywhere! " I'm not sure how to deal with this situation tomorrow considering it has been almost 4-5 months since I've seen her. I need tips on what to do tomorrow if this meeting does take place.
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
What is the purpose of this meeting?
orangeblast95
orangeblast95
@Yard_Eggs she is wanting to "give me my sweatshirt back."
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
If that is "all" it is about, if she shows, fine, get your sweatshirt, tell her "thank you" and then tell her "good bye".

If she doesn't show and she contacts you again to return the sweatshirt, tell her to keep it, donate it, throw it away, burn it. You don't want it.

Sounds like this is just a ploy to draw you back into her little drama and games. It is strictly up to you if you want to play the games. If you don't want the games, please refer back to my reply of 11/09/18.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
As I said above, the sweatshirt is an excuse, and the fact that she just asked about your "girlfriend" is showing that she is jealous and can't believe you have moved on without her. When/if you ever see her next, she will probably ask all about this new "girlfriend". She wants what she can't have (you). But you said she cheated on you before, you have been broken up for awhile, so I am not sure why you'd want to get back together?

This sweatshirt thing has turned into such a big thing, lol. It depends how you feel about her now, but I'd probably tell her "Yeah, could you give me back my sweatshirt. My girlfriend wants to wear it". :D
orangeblast95
orangeblast95
Currently she has yet to respond back tonight letting me know if she “can meet tomorrow.” GirlinCalif, I believe she’s jealous about me having this “girlfriend” because like you said, she wants me but she can’t have me because she’s insecure and doesn’t know what to do with herself. The last paragraph you sent made me laugh! Thank you for that. I thought of telling her that if and when we meet tomorrow. Overall, I’ll always love her but she made a grave mistake of letting me go because she knows in her heart how great of a guy I am.
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
So are you going to keep playing the games or are you going to move on?
orangeblast95
orangeblast95
Update: She surprisingly is meeting me today. I don't care about the stupid sweatshirt, honestly, I am going to give it to GoodWill once I leave since it will have her scent on it. I am going to be blunt and get the sweatshirt. If she wanted to get back with me, she'd dump her shitty boyfriend that she got for me. I feel confident that I can tackle this huge monster today, but a little bit of nervousness is coming out.

Any tips on how to keep me composed and not scared will be appreciated. This is a big day for me so I would love the positive encouragement.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
She's the one that wanted to meet up, so stay kind of quiet. That helps when nervous, that you won't say something that you didn't mean to say. Let her do the talking. If she asks you anything that you are not comfortable with answering or don't know how to answer, say you'll "get back to her later about that but you're very busy". Just walk in all calm and feeling confident. You didn't ask for this meet up. Don't say a lot. Let us know what happens.
orangeblast95
orangeblast95
Hello Everyone,

We met today, and it was bizarre because she talked about making out with me over a stupid joke. I told her " I'm sorry if I hurt you, and I want you happy." Now all of you would say that it was a bad idea for me to say that. However, it made me be at peace with myself. She said she wanted to get to know me more and eventually get back together. That in itself is an improvement considering she didn't want that in the past. I'm optimistic but also skeptical considering this may be fake.
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
I believe you got played.

Good luck.
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