Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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It seems like many folks here have dealt with someone with narcissistic personality disorder. What are some of the weirdest behaviors or beliefs that your spouse exhibited?
I am not speaking for anyone else's pain, or experience, I am merely asking for myself, and for others that enough consideration be given that qwhen speaking up, our experiences not be discounted or diminished. That a space be held for those of us who HAVE experiendced such things.
Just as apolitical activist does not advocate only for their own space, but for the space of others TO HAVE the opportunity to be taken seriously if they should speak up.
Like someone speaking up for a space to be held for abused spouses, or abused children, or gays, or minorities of any kind, or who knows what else.
If enough awareness of that space can be created by me speaking up, then the others can feel free to say their own piece.
I am not speaking for others voices, simply asking a space be held for those other voices to speak if they choose.
If you too are the survivor of N/abuse and you wish to speak or not, thats your perogative, but I'd like you not to be discounted before you have a chance to exercise it.
thats all
Maybe that makes things a little clearer.
I just dont know what more I can say to make my experience any clearer, to be respectful an considerate and ask for the same in return.
its disheartening,
I'm disheartened.
I don't know how I ended up there, because this is the only support group I'm on, and I have it bookmarked. But, there's a thread about it on the Infidelity board, also--it is a controversial subject.
I just came home from 2 hours in the gym with my trainer whom I called and had no appointment to meet with just so I could jump in the boxing ring and kick and punch the crap out of something. Thankfully he is a very good friend of mine and I was able to do just this, but I digress from that.
Phoenix has so eloquently said everything that i wish I could verbalize in a way to not only help her heal, but Im not sure anyone here will ever know or understand how much she is helping me through this too. Im still processing so much my journey and the S or N will leave your path so twisted and confused..words cannot even describe.
Phoenix is NOT under ANY circumstance speaking for others...but her words are the ones I struggle to verbalize. I try to keep everything under wraps as Im sure she does as well...because so often,not only are we afraid to speak or truth we fear we are being judged for staying with the S, for not staying, for allowing to happen to us, and the list goes on and on and on. I hate being perceived as weak, as a crazy person myself because the story is so sick and twisted that it seem inconceivable or just plain made up.
Our personal truths are frightening. I have to and need to accept that most wont understand it. I cant and wont speak for others either, just myself..and yes, I have taken this thread personally and know I shouldnt have. I feel judged and labeled myself for using a clinical term that I dont use lightly.. a term that was given by a trained professional. Its like being back in the relationship with the S all over again...this is why this thread is painful.... the finger is pointed back at us because we must be crazy ones, or too dramatic or overly emotional.
This is one of the many reasons why this is taken so personally and disheartening. I cant even begin to explain what happens in the S relationship and will not even begin to try to explain it. Its fruitless.
Pheonix I have never attacked you I am not doing that now but I find it very insulting when people presume to stand up for me for something they know nothing about. You know your pain no one elses. Like I said you need to take a step back.
Jaken, I hear your stance and agree with it wholeheartedly. I said it before..not a term to be used lightly and yes frustrating when labels are placed when not by a qualified professional.
I know none of this is directed personally toward anyone, but it has hit a very vulnerable spot within us that is trying to heal. Yes, we have an overwhelming need to be heard as this part of our healing. While I cant speak for Phoenix is this regard, Im just trying to find my place in this journey. I HATE that this label and diagnosis was given. I think the question is to where I personally fit in to all of this. I know for a fact that I need an outlet and place where I can vent as well as give and receive some support because the diagnosis IS there and has been given and that Im not randomly throwing a label out there. That is my overwhelming need to be heard plain and simple.
And yet it eludes me why its not forthcoming.
I like to think of myself as respectful and considerate to everyone, even those who continue to point their angry words, judgments and attacks on me.
I dont get it.
It shouldnt be so hard to get what I try hard to give to everyone -- the space to speak their truth.
NPD and ASPD is part of my truth.
If it causes so much grief to want a small space to discuss that part of my (and others) experiences, then I dont think this is the right forum for me.
You know, in my workplace, we have posters hanging up in strategic places about how to recognize if youre being abused. Theyre lists, and "bills of rights". We have similar posters regarding discrimination, bullying and other things. We have student advocacy groups who get together and create awareness in the student body and go out into the community with what theyve learned and what theyve experienced. They use proper terminology. They talk about the lists theyve learned and experienced. Everyone in those environments recognizes the benefit of arming teens with knowledge.
Its hard for me to understand why in environments like that, these kinds of discussions, this kind of advocacy is considered a bad thing.
Thats why its disheartening.
I hear your point of view, I was merely asking that while you hold onto it you allow the space for someone like me to discuss mine.
I dont know that you have heard my pt of view yet.
I havent said anyones wrong, I've merely asked that you not silence my voice by making what it says wrong.
I hope maybe at some point, that can be understood.
" Its hard for me to understand why in environments like THIS, these kinds of discussions, this kind of advocacy is considered a bad thing."
This day has stirred up a lot of really negative and dark things for me.
Like Namaste I'm really riled by this all.
its not beneficial or constructive.
To get back to the original question: The ex thought rules were made to be broken and they didn't apply to him.
He liked to play chicken when you had to merge from two lanes to one. I started doing most of the driving after that.
Went to buy tires and came home telling me they quit making his tires. They were out of stock and he was pissed that he had to wait. I put tires on the truck two weeks later. The exact tires that came on the truck.
He would tell lies that a 8 year old boy would tell and expect you to believe him.
He married me with the intention of cheating. You can't cheat if you don't have someone to cheat on. It takes away the challenge.
He married somone else while we were still married. He still denies he married her. He denies that she is living with him.
He is a very brillant person whose brillance is wasted on silly shit and games and cheating.
None of this was my fault. My only fault was in marrying somone who told me he was committed to our marriage. Who misrepresented himself.
My ex lied about the ex before me. He ensured that I hate her and it was not hard since she abandoned her own son and I ended up raising him.
After the discovery of his infidelity and his chronic porn addiction, I contacted her and for the first time, I asked her what her story was with him. IT WAS THE EXACT SAME STORY! Hearing her, made me feel better. It was not my fault.
So, we dealt with shit and we shoveled out of that shit. I am free and my life has been getting better.