Mine can never admit fault either. If he knocked over something, it would be the fault of the person who left it in HIS way. If he does something horrendous and I get upset, he'll turn it around and blame me. He'll tell me that I'm too sensitive, I'm overreacting, I'm too honest, etc.

He has some bizarre beliefs about his own abilities - like he believes he can predict the weather. He knows more about it than the weather channel, and certainly more than me. He will robotically contradict me every time I say it's going to rain. We once stood in front of the TV watching the same radar showing a huge storm headed right for our city. He kept insisting that it was "breaking up" because I had told him earlier that it was supposed to rain, and he could not allow himself to be wrong. That was one of the incidents that seriously made me question his sanity.

Wow, Lily, were we married to the same guy? lol

Lynne

Yup, every thing is always my fault. Never ever takes responsiblity for his crap. Takes him longer to get ready than it takes me. Always his schedule and his needs. He's an Aries and so am I. Don't think astrology has any thing to do with this disorder. There is nothing wrong having self esteem if it's balanced.

When my ex and I bought our condo, I made the foolish mistake of having all the closets have mirrored sliding doors on them. Not only did he "preen" in front of them all the time...everytime someone in his family came to visit they did the same thing!!!!!!!

I'm not talking about a quick hair check or making sure the shirt is properly tucked, skirt smoothed...I mean out and out "adoring" themselves in the mirror, the whole damn family. His one daughter would seat herself just so in the dining room and constantly "gaze" at herself!

Ugh *shudders*

I used to play a "game" with my ex, often in the car, it was funny at first, then not-at-all funny later on. I would say "who is better looking, X or you?" Almost ALWAYS he would immediately answer that he was better looking. Sometimes he paused to think before saying eh was better looking. And he was SERIOUS!!! As the years went on, I would challenge him on this, and he did not like that at all! He really thinks he is so good-looking - I guess I msut ahve thought so too, at one time, but he is truly the ugliest person I have ever seen at this point - inner beauty is where it's at, folks, for sure. He had all kinds of ugly inside,too, but I read the first few replies and was reminded of this particular stupid game I played with him, which was serious for him. How on EARTH did I get married and stay married to such an ugly selfish stupid man? Who was with me 24/7? And I wonder why I had no friends when he left the marriage? DUH!

Anne - I know just what you mean. I used to think my husband was nice looking and now he seems so ugly inside that it's hard to understand how I was ever attracted in the first place.

self-esteem and confidence is our birthright...but its usually based on reality -- we accomplish things, we notice our impact, we see we contribute, we feel the power of our own actions and choices, we know we'll get by just fine in this world, we know we're worthy of good treatment and respect.

Thats not what we're talking about here, although N's and S's seem to think being smarter than anyone else, destined for greatness above all others, the waste of laws and rules and etiquette on them, the PROFOUND lack of compassion/empathy/remorse has nothing at all to do with self-esteem and confidence. It is based on what is NOT real -- their fantasy that they are above everyone else.

Its what takes AWAY their humanity as they use everyone else for their pleasure and satisfaction.

And yet...they go on believing its what makes them more human and deserving than the rest of the "great unwashed".

--they live a lie of their own making, and apparently from what I've read, although I find it hard to believe in terms of my expartner, its in old age when they have to come to terms with their frailties as a human being, that they FINALLY and PAINFULLY come to realize, they werent so great afterall, they were just like any of the rest of us.

i have learned that they seek out people like me. people who are victims.
he liked to keep me under him. he controlled me.
i thought he was this great guy who wanted me home with the kids, no, just to control me.
he used to brag about all of his credentials at work.

Verukas,

I cant recommend this book highly enough,. its worth every penny "Women Who Love Psychopath" by Sandra Brown MA.

It will help you see the good traits you have that attracted him. Maybe he did like your willingness to be controlled, but theres a whole lot more to it than that. We're stores of riches that they plundered. Its time to recognize those riches and reclaim them.

Phoenix - I agree. It's hard to believe that even old age can fix their warped thought processes.

But what if he really is superior and more important than everyone else? Laughs like a Halloween witch. ;)

I'll see your witch laughter and raise you a change-of-the-door-locks!!!

Theres no doubt some very important men and women who made huge impact on our culture and society were also narcissists..even sociopaths.

I'll even grant you that we have those very impulses lurking deep within us too, it merely takes all the wrong circumstances to bring them to surface.

AND

I have often wondered if, like in Nature, the presence of self-interested, aggressive members of a pride or social group is necessary for the survival of the species.

The only thing I know for sure is, what being with one did to me and how its taken me this long to feel this good finally, again.

Its hard for me to image that THAT destructive a force can be much good in this world???

and its why I get sad and concerned for him from time to time, because in the world of N's and S's, as dangerous as he is, he runs with others who would step on him like a bug.

I'm just teasing about the "what if."

Sometimes, they are so adamant about their lies that it can make you doubt your own perceptions. Just a little subtle humor there.

selfish i deal with...

I'm a Virgo and I don't start at myself in the mirror... hardly ever even look in it at all..

My ex lost his mind...is that weird enough for you!