I am new to this sort of thing but I feel like my head is going to explode if I don't find some way to express what is going on.  Everything started about a year ago.  My husband of 18 years told me that he was going to be divorcing me.  I was crushed and completely blindsided. Sure we hadn't been a perfect couple but I always believed in the dream of our forever.  He was literally my first boyfriend, I have never loved anyone other than him. Fast forward through the past year and he did indeed file for divorce and that finalized on September 8th.  I couldn't wrap my mind around anything that was going on or how I would move on from this.  Then on September 6th (2 days prior to the divorce finalizing) he went public with the information that he has a girlfriend and posted pictures of them on their dates.  She is super young.  To the point that I actually questioned him on if he had told her his age.  At this point we are divorced so I guess he has every right to be dating.  However, he is still living in my house.  He did move down to the basement but all of his clothes are in my closet, his stuff is all over my bedroom shelves.  I wake up every morning to him getting ready for the day.  I cannot find any peace with him there.  So I gave him until the end of October to move or I would file eviction.  Now I feel like a horrible person.  Am I being selfish by doing this?  He set the ball in motion when he divorced me, and he made the decision to move on to a new relationship so quickly but am I the bad guy if I kick him out?  The house is in my name, I have worked full time and supported the family (me, him and 4 kids) through all these years.  He has managed to work full time 1 year out of the 19 that we were married.  He has had jobs here and there, part time things, gigs, etc but nothing that I could depend on.  Therefore I feel like I am justified in saying he needs to be out of my home and I need to be given the chance to move on but the nagging fear that I am kicking him out and making him homeless just won't go away.  What will my kids think when I force their father out?  He has been telling everyone in our community that I am angry and awful to be around so if I kick him out I feel like I will only prove him point.  While I don't want to care what others think about me.  Realistically I do care.  I care a lot and I don't know how to stop caring.  How do I attend the kids sporting events, go to parent meetings at school, etc. knowing that people are looking at me at the witch who was so awful he had to divorce me and find some skinny younger version of me.  I have literally spent my whole life doing the "right thing".  Like to the extreme.  Always a straight A student, never swore, never drank, never did drugs or smoked.  Always was faithful to my husband, did not lie to him, gave up personal dreams to make sure my family was okay, moved across the country multiple times to put him in areas that would perhaps pan out a career.  All for what?  I am at the point where I have started swearing, I even tried drinking (didn't like the taste).  I need help.  I need someone to talk to but I can't afford a therapist.  I have spent hours searching the internet and cannot find any resources that would help me.  I am not in crisis to the point that I am going to immediately hurt myself so I can't call those lines, but I don't have the funds to pay someone for their time to listen to me cry.  This has become all consuming pain.  I am physically hurting, mentally I can't function and I cry all the time. What do I do next?  How do I find some sort of peace?  If I stick to it and force the issue if he does not leave at the end of October as I asked then how do I reconcile that decision with myself and how do I not forever hate myself for putting him out?  I just want to go an hour without crying and to get one night of actual sleep.  Everything that I read says to turn to friends and family but I don't have that.  My family is out of the country, and everyone that I had considered friends were actually his friends that I just 3rd wheeled along with.  I feel very alone and unneeded and unwanted.