Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
so heres how my pain starts ive been married to a great man for nearly 12 years, we have two daughters a mortgadge and normal working lives.
a couple months ago i had a horrid feeling he was having an affair. he started working late most evenings and turned his tracking off on his phone. i asked him a couple times if something was going on and he told me no.
we then went away on a family break two weeks ago and he was texting a lot on the first night we were there, which was strange the next morning i saw his apple watch on the side so checked his text. not something im proud of as i would never of done this in the past. as i went through the text there was ones from a girl whom he has worked with for many years. reading through the messges it became clear they had been sleeping together. when i confronted him he didnt say a word and i got dressed and went for a walk. he never follwed me.
i didnt want to upset our girls so i said we would talk about it when we were back home but this was so hard to do. later that day i asked if it was true and he told me it had been happening for about 3 months. im absolutely devastated.
were back home and he has moved out but im surrounded by his things and memories of the 16 yrs weve been together. over the last 2 weeks ive been having panic attacks, not sleeping well and not eating. i want to try and keep it amicable for the children as they dont and will never know what he did.
he has said there is no chance of getting back together and he is still sleeping with the other woman, i dont know how i get passed this and try to be a good mum and most of all be me again.
when we spoke yesterday he said he felt like i hadnt wanted him for a while and that we never really communicated which is true to degree on the communication part. (im not the best with my emotions) however now we are talking more but i feel like this is just giving me false hope. should i cut contact unless its about our children.
im so broken i never ever thought he would do this, i dont have a lot of family myself and love his family to pieces and im scared that we will move on with his new gf and they will welcome her just as they welcomed me and ill be alone.
i feel like im going crazy. any advice welcome
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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I'm here for you if you want to talk. My marriage in not in great shape either.
And that's the thing, he chose to do this. None of this had anything to do with you. There was nothing you could have said or could have done, to stop him from making his choice to have the affair.
I know it's very hard right now. But you need to talk to a divorce attorney. You need to file for divorce. Let the attorney know that he has already moved out. The reason for getting the divorce is also for legal reasons. Right now, you are legally tied to him still. What if he gets this girl pregnant? She could come after you for child support for their baby... this happens a lot. Do you really want to pay her for their baby? And other legal reasons too, that you don't want to be tied to him.
Once you get the divorce, you will have your spousal support, and your child support payments. Hopefully you can stay in your house, but your attorney will figure all of that out.
As far as your husband's stuff still in the house while he's living with another woman?!? Tell him to take ALL of his stuff and get it out of the house by such and such date, or you're throwing it all out. You are not his "storage facility". He can take his crap out of there and fill it up at his new girlfriend's house. Let her deal with it.
Stand your ground. Be firm. You make the rules now. He made his choice and he can go live with it. You don't have to do anything he says. You are your own person and you have to think about the rest of your life now.
You are strong and you are going to have to be strong now. It won't be easy. But you can do this. It is not fair and I know you have memories of how things used to be. But sadly, he made the decision to now move on with his life in a different direction. And that is so wrong of him, but he did it. Now, you have to move on as well.
He isn’t living with her he’s at his parents house but he has told me he is still seeing her.
As far as a divorce that’s unfortunately off the cards for now as we have to remortgage to pay his parents the remaining money on the house as we brought it from them.
Or sell it but my oldest is just going through there gcse exams. Crap timing I know.
I’m finding myself so confused. He has agreed to still pay half the bills and help out with anything me or the girls need.
He genuinely looked sad when we spoke about the how’s and why’s of it all on Monday. He is a fantastic dad and I would never knock him for that. It’s just I don’t know where I belong anymore or how to move on when I know he is having feelings/sex with someone else.
He has made his choice. You now have to figure out what you want for your life.
I am sure he is acting sad. But that didn't stop him from doing this, and continuing to see some other woman. This is such a slap in your face. This is so wrong what he did and is doing.
What he did was so wrong, and behind your back, and I am so sorry he did this to you and your kids. But, he now has to live with his choice.
I know you are still in shock and disbelief. It will take you some time to get your emotions together. This is not something you expected or wanted to happen.
Start thinking about the things you want for your life. Things you want to do. Maybe things you put on hold for your husband and kids. Your life is about YOU now. Make your own plans now. It will be a great example to show your daughters that you are strong and that you won't take his crap anymore.
Well, he can take his stuff to his parents' house then. You don't want to look at it and have him come and go as he pleases.
You can not move forward until he is out of the house completely (his stuff out), and at least file for a legal separation now. You don't want to be tied to him legally any more.... who knows what he is out doing?!?
I will start to think of things I can do for myself I know it takes time im just not sure if I can wait.
I do appreciate your replies thou
One day at a time is all you can do. Its hard but if you can start to do things that you love and find yourself again the healing does come. You can start by making new memories with your kids, new rituals etc for example on their birthdays you could do something new with them that is unique to your relationship with them. This experience is a really traumatic experience and I admire your commitment to your kids and their relationship with their dad.
You are stronger than you think.