According to the Universe this did not happen To You but For You, This is how it works,You have to retrain your mind to see this as a Shift not a Loss.The Universe wants you to know your value and worth and wants you to walk in that direction. Okay?If you release all this Energy back to the Universe, the Universe neutralizes it,purifies it and this will be returned to you,But you have to do your part.Focus on you.Drop thoughts of him- How? replace each thought with releasing energy back to the Universe and focus on filling and nurturing oneself.If you can commit to yourself on a daily basis to do this your 99% already there.Good Luck in therapy Love Light Clarity showering you abundantly!!!!!!!!!

Hello,
Sorry to hear you are going thru all that. I am currently going thru a divorce after 17 yrs of being married to my NPD wife. I have been thru the yrs of cheating and forgiving only for it to repeat. The hurt from the heartbreak never got better. Each time it hurt worse than the time before. I think a lot of the hurt came from the shame I put up with it.
I hope it gets better for you, and if you need to talk I have 2 ears. Sometimes it helps to get a mans point of view, although I imagine you are not to happy with men at the moment.

PS,
Its been 2 months sense my wife left me, and I should be happy she is gone. She was a narcissistic sociopath, and very abusive mentally. Yet I am severely depressed and lonely and hurting from heartbreak. My 2 sons remind me we are better off cause she was a financial disaster, they are what keep me going and putting one foot forward every day. I wish I had the answers for you but I am lost myself, thats why I hope talking and comparing will help.

It's going to take more than 8 weeks to get over this...but virtually everyone does.

The first 3 months after my ex left, I lay on the floor and cried...non-stop. Then I got up, dusted myself off and went on. It's FAR more complicated than that...but just know that being a complete mess for the first 6 months...is more common than not.

It's been only 8 weeks of grieving and processing your 25 year relationship. I hurt for almost 2 years after mine ended. And it still sporadically hurts.

I think when they cheat or leave...it makes you question your worth...why you weren't good enough...and no matter what your therapist, friends, or any self help book says...it's hard not to feel that way.

It's hard to be angry at your ex husband...perhaps it was always easier for you to blame yourself and change yourself throughout your marriage...so you are continually doing so after the break up.

It took me months of therapy to even see the light at the end of the tunnel...but much of my work happened on my own.

Cry when you need to cry. Isolate when you need to isolate. But never forget...WHO you are.

You are still that strong, independent woman who had life throw a huge shit fireball at.

As for your husband, take off your love glasses and try to see him for who he truly has become. There is good him, and there is bad him. Know that both can exist in a person.

The cold callus behavior...wiping out your accounts that is extremely selfish.

He WAS an amazing partner...but what I find out...is that sometimes we just want to see what we want to see. Red flags were always there...some were kept hidden.

You can get thru this...it will take time...Grieve...get angry, and go thru the motions.

Sending you light and love.

Lavender said it better than I did.

Just don't expect so much of yourself...okay?

Thank you all so much for the true words and support....and kindness.
I just want to get to that angry stage so I can start to realize that maybe I didn’t loose so much and he lost a faithful, supportive and kind woman who gave her all. I know it’s true but it is exactly what was said, his mistakes have made me question what is wrong with me? Why was I not good enough? His choice of women are very opposite of me and troubled, gold diggers and I am smart, hardworking and self sufficient so I just need to find myself again. I keep getting sucked back in to having a glimmer of the man I married but I have to see that is not the man he is today. I am sure I will keep posting because it is an emotional roller coaster. When I wrote the first post I was so depressed and shaken because I had just talked to him. This morning I did stuff for myself and feel better now- I need to cut all ties with him so he can’t keep abusing me mentally and emotionally. That is so hard after spending all those years with him as my best friend, husband and confidant. Thank you all...
I will try to stop expecting so much and accept this may take months or years to conquer- that just seems like an eternity.

After reading your last post, you mentioned he is emotionally and mentally abusive. Hence...instead of feeling angry now...he's conditioned you to feel like everything is your fault.

Your story is similar to mine. I considered myself a strong independent woman as well. But if I was honest with myself...that wasn't what I had become after almost 2 decades of abusive treatment. It was the image I projected to everyone else...but inside my home...I was a shell of the person I use to be.

I too felt like...why would he go after these kinds of women...well...there's no easy answer LostJewels.

Ego stroke, validation, excitement, control, sex, assholery...we can enter any reason here...and it would probably apply.

I will tell you this....YOU, ME, AND EVERY OTHER WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN PUT IN THIS SITUATION...WILL DIE...NEVER KNOWING WHY HE DID THIS.

So please stop wasting your time and energy figuring out what you did or didn't do. Put that energy towards yourself in a positive way.

Just as many good women that exist in this world...there are just as many who don't care if a man is married, engaged...etc. Fair game.

From what I gather...he picked you b/c you were awesome. Then years and years go by and his emotional and mental abuse took a toll on you. And he still expected you to be shining bright star. Slowly we become shells of ourselves...and then they want a shiny new person again...

This is where you get angry Jewels. Get fucking angry. Realize this asshole made you a shell. You heal, process...and become that strong independent woman again...and don't even give that asshole another chance.

Let him watch from afar when you rise from the ashes a better version of yourself...with a better man to spend the rest of your life with. Dangle that in front of him. Don't let him see you cry, don't give him the satisfaction. If he didn't care when he was with you, he isn't going to care now. You are number one, he is dead last.

This will not happen over night...or maybe even this year...but you keep in the right direction and it will.

But as we know...mind over matter.

Some people have the ability to have radical acceptance. Believe what they want to believe and accept this is how it's going to be...and proceed. I wasn't one of those people...lol.

Start here, read these books:

1) Lose a Cheater Gain a Life (book and blog)
2) Why Does he do that (book)
3) Psychopath Free (book)
4) Esteemology (blog)

These greatly helped me.

Post whenever you need to or feel free to private message me.

Sending you light and love.

You have gotten some great replies already and I just wanted to add something else. Sometimes.... as I've seen with so many couples.... when two people get together so young... things change, both people change, they grow, they mature. What they wanted at 21 years old is not always what they want at 45 years old. I'm just saying.... look at all the ways YOU have changed too, for the better, and the mature, wiser woman you are today, compared to when you were 21 and first met him.

The anger will come. It is a grieving process, and anger is part of grieving. In the meanwhile, don't focus so much on waiting for the anger. Instead, use your time for you, doing productive things, happy things, things for yourself. Don't give him any more of your mental energy!

Thanks for all the new posts- it is so good to hear from others who truly understand what it’s like-
He keeps pulling me back in with just enough glimmers of who I thought he was or maybe who I wished he was and today I found out he’s still seeing another woman he said that he wasn’t. I have to cut all ties from him. I need to secure the lawyer- found a great one but I guess I was too sad, scared, in disbelief, blindsided and devastated I couldn’t give her the retainer. I need to move on, he is a liar and a cheat and it’s not going to change. I will check out those books and blogs.. truly start the mourning process so I can get my life back...my new life that hopefully will be filled with happiness and not lies and deceit.
Again- all your comments are truly helpful- thank you.