Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband of 15 years (22 together) informed me two days ago that he isn't in love with me anymore and wants a divorce. I'm angry that he wouldn't even consider counseling, but you can't force someone to do something they don't want. I don't know if I'm upset about the break-up or just mourning the loss of what was and fearful of the dramatic changes about to happen in my life. I'm Australian living in Texas. I have no family in this country and my closest friend is a 3 he drive away. I am in the middle of a degree that I've wanted to do my whole life and now I have to figure out if I can afford to complete it without so much debt I'll never get away from it or if I leave it and try to get home (which should be fun with Covid).
We're also currently still living in the same house. Trying the it's large we can live separate until we deal with the divorce and selling the house and yet I don't know if this is the smartest thing to be doing.
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My best friend ruined my day with her immature, bitchy self. If she doesn't get her way, she has a tizzy fit. I told her weeks ago that I couildn't go to yard sales with her on 9/12 because i have a hair appointment. She wasn't happy. I also told her that I don't have any money to go to yard sales. She tried to talk me into going to more yard sales by saying that if I don't go, there...
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The Friday before Labor Day just before we left, the options given to me basically were either quit of be fired, and if I were to stay on I were to be put on an improvement plan, which is pretty much synonymous with getting fired. I was going to do the improvement plan and just ride it out until I found another job due to money and due to the fact that I did not want to quit without another job....
It's good that you're thinking about things. I would recommend sticking with your school and to get your degree. Yes, it's going to be hard to do that right now. But you will regret it later if you let him stop you from doing something you really want to do.
As far as the financial, you will be getting plenty of support money from him once the divorce is final. And half the house money, probably his retirement account, too. So, don't worry about the financial aspect of things right now. You are entitled to a lot of the money you two have. Do you have a divorce attorney? I would highly recommend you getting one. You can look online for one, and they give free consultations, usually by phone right now due to Covid.
You did nothing wrong in this marriage. You are right that you can't make him go to counseling, and what good would that do anyway, if he seems to have his mind made up? Counseling just for you would be a good idea, Can you look for a therapist for yourself?
If it were me, I'd tell him that since *he* is done with this marriage, then he needs to move out. This will actually help you later on, as you will still be the primary resident of that house. If YOU left the house, you might not be able to get your half of the house.
I know it's hard to think about all of this stuff right now. But get yourself an attorney and a therapist. You are going to be okay. You will get through this. And you are a young woman at 40 years old and you have so much life ahead of you to live and to be happy. You have been with him since when, you were 18? So he just seems "familiar" after all these years, and that's what makes it hard. You think you know someone. But just because you have known him so long, doesn't mean staying with him or trying to get him to stay is a good idea either. Sometimes people grow up and grow apart. It's sad. but it happens a lot.
I also agree with speaking to an attorney ASAP, and staying in the house. I agree that if anyone moves out, it should be him, since it was all his idea and he is not interested in counseling. I would be discreet about speaking to the attorney. Bring your list of questions, do your homework and make sure you are familiar with the family finances. I wish you the best of luck.
I really just want to move forward with life at this point. I'm looking into finishing my degree in New Zealand and heading home because I don't want to stay in the USA longer than I have to.
Is the house for sale yet?
I'm married to a woman from another country who came here to be with me. Fifteen years later she tells me that people really don't marry for life. That's just not realistic. Wish she had let me know 15 years ago. Maybe I wouldn't have built my entire life and future around US. Looks like that future is gone now.
Finish your degree, build your OWN future and ... I guess many would say something like "be happy with you" or "don't depend on anyone else for your happiness" or some such... In my heart, I was meant to be walking through lie with a woman beside me. Sharing my life and loving me (God willing even just half as much) as I love her. So I'm of no use to you for inspiring talk of being enough alone in life... I don't know if I can be enough by myself.
I wish you much happiness and best of luck.