So sorry you are having a hard time with your breakup. How long were you two together? I do think the holidays make us think of past loved ones. Whether they be exes, or relatives that have passed, etc. The holidays are both joyful and maybe a bit melancholy too.

If the weather is not good outside where you live, you could work out in your home still. Either with some new exercise routines on YouTube, or just dance around in the living room! Or get a treadmill (they fold up smaller now), an exercise bike, etc. Can you walk or jog around your neighborhood? So many different ways to work out without going to the gym. I think once you start working out again, you will want to do it more and more. Maybe you just needed some hibernating time :)

I haven't taken Lexapro personally, but I know someone who does, and they take 10 mgs a day and feel pretty good with their depression. They sometimes take 20 mgs a day when things are extra hard. I believe they are supposed to be up to 60 mgs. But, they do okay on 10 mgs a day. It goes by your weight, and he weighs about 200 lbs. He doesn't have any side effects from the 10 or the 20 mgs. Yes, it takes 4 or 6 weeks to really feel the benefits of most SSRIs.

Hi, I'm sorry you're struggling. The holidays can be rough even if everything is going well. Me, I don't like the darkness. It just makes me want to sleep a lot. I think the PP had a lot of great advice. You could work out at home or if you don't want to get up early to go to the gym, could you go after work or during lunch? I don't personally take Lexapro either...

I think you are doing great trying to stay positive. I've also found that missing someone can come in waves too, so you'll most likely get to feeling better soon.

I'm going to preface this with a couple of things....
I'm BiPolar w/Severe Suicidal Depression of 29 years
I've also worked in the Mental Health field as a Clinical Psychologist
I was married to my HS boyfriend for 25 yrs and have been happily divorced for the last 8 years, have raised to amazing sons, and have been BiPolar Stable since 2010.

To answer your questions:

To get over your 8 month old breakup, you stop focusing on the past and focus on the current and future. Start a daily Journal and focus on the good things the happen to you during the day, interesting people you meet, fun things you do. Give yourself things to be happy about. Regardless of any relationship, you can't have a successful one with another person until you learn to be happy and content with just you. You have to realize that you are a great person and you are perfectly enough. Once you get that belief in yourself, then you consider finder another person to share your time with. A relationship with another person is not there so that person can be responsible for your happiness and you there's.......its there so that the 2 of you can create a life of mutual happiness together.

1. Xanax can torpedo all the good things you are working hard to try and regain. Unless you suffer from crippling anxiety, or panic attacks so bad you can't function in public, you might consider tapering off of it. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel with that out of your system. Your "feel good hormones" will get back to levels they need to be and you won't feel fatigued and weighed down all the time. Exercise is the natural way to raise your endorphins and serotonin levels. Making yourself go exercise whether you feel like it or not, is the way to get back in that habit. Start small, start with walks around the walking track at the gym, then move to the Treadmill....get yourself use to exercising again.

You can used Relaxation Therapy and Breathing Exercises to do the same thing Xanax does without all the "feel like crap' side effects.

Get your sleep hygiene under control, go to bed at the same time each night, get up at the same time each morning, stop caffeine, stimulants, and heavy foods 4 hours before bed. Stop liquids 2 hours before bed. Take all the distractions from your bedroom, a bedroom should be for sleeping, no TV, Laptop, Bright Light alarm clocks or loud music. Get yourself back on a good sleep schedule.

Lexapro is a good Anti-Depressant, with a low amount of side effects. Its also not one that causes weight gain for most people. I've used it myself for years. It does take a couple weeks to get to Therapeutic level, so be a little patient. General Therapeutic level for Depression is between 10 - 20mg.

You get back into doing things by taking things in smaller pieces of time. Live by moments, not days. When Depression is trying to take over, looking ahead at a full day can seem impossible...as looking to the next small moment or 1 hour activity is more manageable and way less stressful. You also have to pick your battles when in the middle of a Depressive Episode, some things aren't worth the inner battle. The laundry might stay in the basket, instead of being folded...life will not stop. Showering and getting dressed on the other hand is an important moment, it makes you feel better, so you make yourself do it.....you power though.

The thing about Depression is it is a helluva taker, it will take and feed offf of every small little thing you give it, so each moment you take from it, weakens it. Getting up in the morning, showering/bathing, getting dressed..makes you feel better. Then take a break if you need to. Then take another moment and go to the gym and walk the track. Then take a break if you need. You'll find that as the days go by, your doing more and taking less breaks, and you are overpowering the depression.

Staying positive and being grateful is a daily inner exercise as well as a daily physical Journaling exercise. Journal each day and write down the things you have in your life that you are grateful for. Each night write down the things you've seen through the day that you've felt positive about. Focus on positive things and not negative.

At the end of the day before you go to bed, take a few moments to sit and relax and focus your mind on all that you have, all that your grateful for. Picture your mind as a room with 2 objects, a File Cabinet and a Shredder. See your mind sending the Positive happy thoughts from the day into the File Cabinet so you can recall them as later memories, and sending the Negative thoughts from the day into the Shredder to be forgotten and not focused on.

If you Shred the negative and remove it from your head, you can't keep obsessing on it. If you do this exercise each night before you go to sleep, then your subconscious cannot keep running these thoughts over and over as you sleep, and they are not there to add to whatever the next day brings.

You get to choose what "crap" you keep in your head, you and you alone get to choose that. I learned that a very long time ago. I also learned that when I send the Negative crap to that shredder at night, the Hamster Wheel that is my OCD sometimes Manic Brain cannot run a 100 mph replaying over and over crap that I don't need to obsess about. Its much more relaxing to focus on the positive things and remember the nice memories.

I hope you find the path that works for you.

Take care,
Kat

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for their responses and uplifting messages. To answer the question, we were together for about 3 years and the relationship ended suddenly. All of this advice is really valid and true. It is so easy to give into depression. You feel bad, so you just want to stay asleep because it's easier. But you have to face your life, you can't hide forever, and the less effort you put into yourself, the worse you feel and the more you want to hide (how I feel right now).

It's also true that it's important to set small goals and not think too far ahead, because that is where I think I get myself caught up in trouble. I start panicking and thinking about the future, and worrying myself, which stops me from being the best version of myself in the moment.

As far as Xanax, I think it is making me to tired and just overall blah. I would like to try to stop taking it, or at the very least taking it less. To hold myself accountable for all of these things, I am going to post my plans for self-care and being productive this weekend, and then check back to see what I do:

Friday- good cardio at the gym :)

Saturday- gym, maybe a class at the gym, food shopping, some meal prep, clean the apartment (so desperately needs to happen)

Sunday- gym and maybe see a movie with a relative

*I really want to start keeping up with journaling and a gratitude list nightly too :)

Sounds like your receptive to positive changes and willing to do what you can to boost yourself up....that's always a good thing.

Wishing you well on your goals!!!

Kat

Hi Everyone, thanks for all the advice. Feeling super down again, would love any positive uplift!

Hi Hayley, I understand how you feel, I think we are on a similar timeline. Things will get better, but maybe focus on self development and to learn from the breakup. It took me a while to figure out my own responsibility,e.g. I had no boundaries or at least I wasn't able to impose them. So I been reading and learning about communication, emotions in broad spectrum, self analysis among other things. It has been a whole journey of discovery for me. I still think about her every day, but I'm in peace with the breakup and was a good thing. Otherwise my reflection on life and emotions wouldn't have been possible.