Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm new to this type of discussion board thing, so if I'm doing it wrong I am sorry.
Three years. One year as friends, two years as lovers. We don't hate each other, we don't not love each other, but we needed a break. If anyone's ever watched LaLaLand the movie, at the end of the film Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone just look at each other and smile; then continue their lives separate. I never wanted that with her. I wanted to grow old together, but we are young and I can't rob her of her twenties. I'm angry and sad, but I have this feeling that's "if we are meant to be, we will be". I just wish that didn't mean a break. With all the holidays around the corner, I don't know what to do. My mom has been super supportive which is helping, but my dad is such a jerk. I finally opened up to him about how I was feeling and he didn't even listen to me, he said I was young and naive. HE MET MY MOM IN 8TH GRADE. Talk about young and naive, now they lowkey have a shitty marriage. I guess this was more of a rant, but if you're reading, thanks. Any advice?
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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It's best if you go live your life. It only wastes time, and wastes your life, to feel sad about something that probably won't get back together. You say you don't want to take away her twenties, but what about your twenties? This is the time in your life to be out living life, having fun, dating girls.
Keep busy, chat with other girls, talk to your friends, spend time with family. Do you work, go to school? Keeping busy will help you to feel better.
Relax, man, just kidding. I am more of a Liam Neeson moviegoer. Maybe I will watch LaLaLand in the future.
Anyway, to answer your thread title, of course it is always okay to hope, especially to hope to get back together. But everyone, whether young or old, needs to have one foot in the real world, specially someone as young as you. Maybe your dad is right, you are young and naïve. Do not take that as an insult, I realize that I was young and naïve in my twenties. Parts of the brain concerned with decision making are not yet fully developed at that age. And just because the met your mom in 8th grade does not mean he is wrong. Many people do say, “I was young and naïve then,” including me.
Many people have similar experiences. She is the one. There will never be another. It is now or never. And that was the young me talking. It is okay to be sad and angry, these is a new experience that will help you grow and get wiser. Just do not do anything foolish, stay away from any substance or things that will harm you. My best advice for you is try to harness these emotions into your studies if you are a student or your work. If you can look into your future, you will see that there will be a number of girls or women lined up for you that will take your breathe away that you will forget this one, you just have to be patient. Trust me.
I disagree with prior advice which said "sadness is a waste" . We can't control emotions as fundamental as attachment and grief over loss. Also "get on with you life" is not helpful... you ARE getting on, right now in this moment. Coping with loss is a part of "getting on" -- emotional intelligence is about recognizing and accepting what one feels.
I also disagree about naivete -- I am 55 years old and I still feel like I make big assumptions about others and forget to explain to them my experience -- i.e. I have big communication failures and learn from each one.
The best tool, I think, is learning some approach to mindfulness (meditation type approach, listen to some podcasts -- Eckhart Tolle, Tara Brach, Ted talks) -- the more you reach out like you are now the more you realize this is such a normal part of life and still quite hard to get through. Mindfulness will teach you how to let an emotion that rises come and go rather quickly -- if one can watch it rise in you but then not feed the emotion a story because that gets you into a loop that continues the emotion for a long time. Like say you start to tear up because some thought comes into your head... notice the emotion, how it feels in your body -- science says that if you can "watch" how it moves in your body but not get into a sad story in your mind, the emotion will pass in less than 2 minutes. The sadness continues when we get lost in thoughts like "I will never love like this again, what did I do wrong... I should have done this they should have done that..." those are the stories that just keep the sadness in a loop much longer.
Find your refuge for comfort to watch the hard emotions: a walk outside, yard work, a hot shower, comfy bed, sitting in front of a fire... and then really settle into that moment -- in that moment you are safe and have everything you need, listen to the sounds (birds, cars, heater, fire, coffeemaker) notice sensations in the body and the textures touching you and how emotions make your body feel -- that is mindfulness. It is something one has to learn, we aren't born with this skill...
Venting is okay, sadness and anger are okay, keep coming back here... I do! You sound like a great person. It will get slightly easier each day, but in 5 months time you might still feel some sadness/anger about this and that's normal. In my opinion STRENGTH is being able to be honest and accept what one feels. You sound strong.