I wish someone would help me...

I know exactly what you mean..if you need to talk you can message me.

Have you tried therapy to help you figure
Things out and guide you? I go to therapy,
Alanon and divorce care myself.

Abuse, shame and family of origin Are all
good subjects to discuss with a trained
therapist.

There is also a great abuse forum that is
Helpful about abuse related dynamics.
HUGS

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse

Thank you gizmo. So kind.

I have tried therapy. Towards the end I started lying to the therapist telling her I had stopped all communication with him when I was still with him. How pathetic is that?

I would find another therapist that is trained in abuse
Dynamics. Some times people can get trauma Bonded
to their abuser. If there are addiction/codependency
issues then you really need Alanon and therapy, IMO.

Talk to them on the abuse forum someone will come on
Eventually, HEAL is great, HUGS

Thank you. I will.

No one should ever be emotionally or verbally abused ever.... I am very angry and disappointed with my wife right now for what she is doing to us and the family about keeping our marriage in limbo. However I would never EVER treat her with disrespect. Watching her give birth to our two children gave me over the top appreciation for women. More than I already had.
I try to even set that example, even while we go through this troubling time, for my son.
Everything we do I make sure he holds the door for his big sister and mom, allows them to be served dinner first, and whenever I leave for the day or weekend I tell him to protect "mommy and sissy". He's only 3 but I figured never to early to start.
I'm sorry sadgirlnc you are going through that.
I have been on this site for over a week now and it's been helpful. Glad to have you all here!!!

Thank you. I haven't been treated with respect in... well, years. I don't even think I really know what being treated with respect is like. I certainly don't feel worthy of love and respect due to the constant, daily abuse...

You deserve it and are worthy of it especially for putting up with what you have been Going through.
Life is too damn short, I sound a bit of a hypocrite, but make yourself happy first.

Sadly many men only step up when a crisis is put right in front of them. Knowing this, tell him a short to the point, yet non confrontational comment about your worry that your relationship is ending and you're not sure it can be repaired. Then go distant and see if he responds positively by changing and pursuing. Note it may take some time. If it doesn't work, try other methods, there are lots of them

if the abuse is physical or chemical it will take him to seek counselling, but he has to want it on his own. In the end you deserve respect. without knowing the details of your crisis its tough to imagine the extent of your situation. you are not alone and are supported as you move forward

I've been waiting 16 years to long he won't change if you need to talk you can message me at anytime

Sjs777 there are a LOT of issues and details involved. He won't get the help he needs. He's a narcissist (diagnosed) but refuses to get help. Everything is my fault, in his mind. Even when he cheated on me, he managed to convince me that it was my fault...

Thank you tolonely