Hi,
I can relate to your feelings, even though my situation is different. No matter what the situation is that brought each of us to this site, we pretty much all have the same emotions, experience the same pain, frustration, etc.
When things finally fell apart between my husband and I, it was easy for me to jump and point fingers. After all, didn't he always tell me what a good woman I am? How he wished he could be more like me?
So when I went to counseling, I was all set to find out just what a horrible person my husband was. Quick to talk about how 'he' destroyed our marriage.
It didn't take long for me to see that it was in fact BOTH of us who contributed to this destruction. Trust me, it was not easy to admit to my faults and it is even harder to keep looking at myself and realize all the ways in which I went wrong.
I still fall into the trap of 'he did this, or that', but for the most part I can now focus on myself. I, too, did all of those things for my husband. He had only the clothes on his back when we got together. He now makes over $60,000/year, we have a nice house, he drives a $47,000 truck, we have no debt other than the house and the trucks. He was ailing from arthritis when we met, to the point where he could barley get up.
I put together his employment package, did his application on line, took the employment package to someone who knew someone within this coveted company and he got the job.
I did all of our finances and handled every aspect of our 'marriage'. It took me 3 years to get him into treatment for arthritis. He is now for the most part pain free and the deformities have slowed, if not stopped.
Our credit scores are in the 700's (from the low 400's) and we have money coming out of our ears so to speak. We have stocks, insurance, you name it, we have it. He was never involved in any of that - it was all me. And now he decides he does not want this marriage anymore.
Of course there is a lot more that goes with that, but my point is, take a step back and look at yourself honestly. It is very hard to do, trust me, but if nothing else, it will take your mind off her and the situation you are in. This I know for a fact!
I still find myself curl into a ball and just sob for what used to be. And that is ok, too.
I don't know if this helps at all, just know that you can come to this site and let it all hang out. I am finding that it does help.

Ours had ben rocky for a while but ours basically ended day before valentines and I felt the same with the timing! It was very rough. I was off looking forward to valentines off and ended up miserable. he decided he doesn't love me well he does because I am the kids mom....I mean wth just 2 weeks ago we were working on things and he loved me! I don't understand not knowing how they feel or in his case I had to pry this out of him because I felt a distance. I mean where is the respect! I also feel it isn't fair at all.

It sounds like you have been such a stand up wonderful hubby. I am sorry you are going through this. Vents are needed and that's what the group is for so vent as much as you need too. these are not easy times. HUGS

You don't have to apologize for venting here. That's why we're here. You're feelings are perfectly natural. How could you not feel somewhat bitter when you invested so heavily in your relationship yet your wife chose to walk away? You're situation is especially tough since she is still living in the house with you. The healing process is an emotional roller coaster. Things will start to look up over time.

serenitys, ours was just like that. A few months ago we went and bought all new furniture. A little over a week ago we went and bought rugs for the hallway. We were intimate one day, the next day he changed his mind.
He at least moved out (lives with his parents 7 houses down). I think it makes it easier than when he was still here, with us living side by side as perfect strangers.

It's okay. You can vent all you want. We here at daily strength understand what you are experiencing. It's okay to hate here. That is part of the process.

meant her.

Thanks everyone for your input, it really does mean a lot to hear from you all. I wished that we all lived near one another and have 1 big get together. I bet that would be both fun and sad at the same time.

Anyway, she just texted me, "Dogs are out of food, please stop by Petsmart and pick up that large bag." I wanted to say, "Get it yourself, you lazy ass!" But instead I said, "Sure, I will grab it on my way home from work." I'm such a wuss...

That doesn't make you a 'wuss', it makes you a better person :-)

It would be neat if we could get together. Lol your a nice guy. I commend you for feeling as you do yet able to take care of needed things. I am in an angry stage too so I feel your pain:(

You are right man. It's bull ____ how we give and give and provide and all we get in return in total garbage.

in my experience this cant be a out of the blue thing. Did you see warning signs leading up to this?

Once again you write my story. Even my waves of emotion that overwhelm me have started to include hate for what she is doing to me and our precious children. My 2 oldest are from her previous marriage and I've been the main father in their lives. They know what is happening and are very conscientious of my feelings. They have told my wife they want to maintain a good relationship with me. Ironically, our oldest is planning on proposing to his girlfriend tonight. Our two youngest have no idea what is happening. They have an innocent absolute trust in their parents and this family. I believe the faith in us is so strong they will trust when they learn that we couldn't possibly be doing anything that would threaten the family. Occasionally I see care in my wife's eyes for me, but more and more often I've heard contempt in her voice.

I have many of the same questions that you do but probably suffer more from denial and codependency than you . I feel for you and hope for peace for you and your family.

Thanks again everyone for your replies. This is such a crappy thing to go through, especially when your entire life was dedicated to marriage and family. Literally every single day was for my family. I didn't see it as a sacrifice, because I loved doing things for my family. For her to end it is just mind boggling.

@terrondt, if you consider the rare disagreements that I thought every married couple has once in a while over the past 10 years as warning signs, then I guess I would have to say "yes." But nothing to the extent of ending a marriage.

Dude, do you think she had or is having an affair?

My guess is unfortunately she has her eyes on someone this is usually the case. My ex wife swore up and down she didn't but that was total BS as it usually is, started on Facebook of course. She had her iPhone welded to her hand for months..