Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I woke up this morning from a dream that things were great and we were whole again, but now I'm hating my wife. This past 3 day weekend was one of the most emotional weekends since she told me she wanted out of our marriage. Combination of Valentines Day and Presidents Day just made it really tough. We always celebrated Valentines Day and we always took a trip during the Presidents' Day weekend (this time just me and the kids without her). I dedicated 10 years of my life to being a great husband, a loving father (3 of the kids are hers from a previous marriage. I didn't mention this on previous posts because I didn't think it mattered) and an all around family man.
I worked so she can be a stay at home mom while the kids were young. I supported her in all her ventures. I was there for her physically and emotionally when her grandmother passed away. I attended the kids' talent shows, recitals and games when their own biological father didn't. I provided her a comfortable, easy going lifestyle, going on 2 vacations a year (one as a family and the other just the 2 of us) while I worked my ass off. Then, when she decided it was time for her to get a full time job, guess what? I got her an interview, in which she landed the job. I thought we were going to combine incomes to get a bigger house and live the life. Now she's just going rent a home with it.
After all this, she said sorry, she appreciates all I've done for her, but she no longer loves me in a romantic way and wants to end our marriage. We've been civil for the kids but the emotional roller coaster that I'm on is just getting the better of me. I'm trying really hard to be nice and not fly off the handle, because 1, nothing good will come out of flipping out and 2, she said that she still wants me to maintain a good relationship with the kids ever she/they move out. I don't want to give her any reason to think I'm emotionally unstable and take the kids away.
It's just not fair how she can just turn it off just like that. And to think, 3 days before she told me she wanted out, we spent a very romantic weekend get away, kid free. We acted as if we were on our second honeymoon.
Sorry for venting.
I worked so she can be a stay at home mom while the kids were young. I supported her in all her ventures. I was there for her physically and emotionally when her grandmother passed away. I attended the kids' talent shows, recitals and games when their own biological father didn't. I provided her a comfortable, easy going lifestyle, going on 2 vacations a year (one as a family and the other just the 2 of us) while I worked my ass off. Then, when she decided it was time for her to get a full time job, guess what? I got her an interview, in which she landed the job. I thought we were going to combine incomes to get a bigger house and live the life. Now she's just going rent a home with it.
After all this, she said sorry, she appreciates all I've done for her, but she no longer loves me in a romantic way and wants to end our marriage. We've been civil for the kids but the emotional roller coaster that I'm on is just getting the better of me. I'm trying really hard to be nice and not fly off the handle, because 1, nothing good will come out of flipping out and 2, she said that she still wants me to maintain a good relationship with the kids ever she/they move out. I don't want to give her any reason to think I'm emotionally unstable and take the kids away.
It's just not fair how she can just turn it off just like that. And to think, 3 days before she told me she wanted out, we spent a very romantic weekend get away, kid free. We acted as if we were on our second honeymoon.
Sorry for venting.
I believe her, but do know there's a possibility of her lying.
I asked a male friend of mine why my husband wants me to stick around if he is in love with these other women. My friend told me that I was a safe haven to my husband. Someone to come home to and be safe with, no matter what he did.
It made me strong and I took the divorce papers to his parents house where he has been staying - that was just this morning and I actually feel ok about it
IF she is in fact lying and cheating, I hope to hell Karma will be a real bitch to her as she is being to me at this moment. If she's tellng the truth, then I hope she finds peace, happiness and does find what it is she's looking for, even if that means just being alone, relationship free.
Thanks everyone for your support and advice, truly much appreciated.
I am still going thru the healing process 2 years later. The emotional roller coaster will swing from sadness, to anger, to relief, to freedom, back to sadness, anger, to releif, etc. The roller coaster of emotions will start to slow as mine has started to slow but it takes a long time to get over a divorce. It isn't easy. It is also hard when you are the only one who cares.
Divorce is definitely a life changing event. it can be especially hard if you weren't the one who wanted it. It is very sombering and can really bruise the ego.
The best thing is to try to completely break away from her and minimize the contact with her as much as possible. I iniitially minimized my contact with my ex because I was really hurt by her. But now I minimize the contact with her to not get caught up in "Drinking the Kool Aid" or letting myself get reminded of the ridiculouse ending of our marriage.
Stay healthy, eat right, exercise and get good sleep. Lean on friends and family. Also, take time to do something that you enjoy. Now is the time of be selfish. Obviously, not too selfish. But focus on yourself and let the healing process begin. Let the relief and calm come into you.. This comes quicker as soon as you really let her go and minimize contact with her.
She is not your friend, odds are 50/50 that she has already found a new friend.
Prepare for the worst, get tested for stds , find a few people Taft you can confide in, get an attorney
Reality and truth can be very unpleasant but you should know the extent of truth band reality that you need to deal with
I hope the best for you
After 14 years of living together we thought ...oh why not make it official
5 years later she left me
This whole "I'm no longer in love with you" BS is just that BS. Not that this helps you at all, but love is a choice and one you obviously made everyday.
My ex pulled the rug out from under me and we had spent the two prior weekends doing fun family things one of which included going to her fathers in a different town. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
Our exes made the choice not to love us, they didn't just fall out of love. This whole belief around there being fireworks all the times is nonsense. Love is a choice that takes work.
Never stop being the good man you are. We all have a lot to offer. Learn from this, and just be authentic in your life and to your life.
Feel what you have to feel even if it includes hating her. I know this feeling, I just see my ex now and the anger swells up inside me. I can't stand her and I certainly do not like her.
I wish you well, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you will come out of this ok!