Yes, I agree. I love her and I want her to love me, not to be at my feet. I thought of that as I was writing. I want a loving companion, not someone to manipulate. If she has issues and cannot resolve them in a few months then I have to move on. But Ii do feel I need to move away from her so she can sort out if she has true feelings for me that are stronger than her fears.

I also have to concentrate on getting my health back. That will allow me to not spend so much time alone and will be able to choose better, and not be so dependent on her.

I thought of what I wrote before in a hurry and I think I got it completely wrong. I want a loving companion, not someone to manipulate. If she has issues and cannot resolve them in a few months then I have to move on and find someone who I can love and loves me back. I wrote what I wrote in a hurry and now I see that is NOT what my heart wants. I am in love. That is the problem. I cried a lot these two days and could not sleep. People who know me know I cannot become the manipulator. It is not who I am. I read a few things on how to get my x back and how women dont like nice guys and because I am nice she does not like me. Well I am who I am and if she likes abusers then she is not for me. But Ii do feel I need to move away from her so she can sort out if
I also need to concentrate on getting my health back so that I don't have to spend so much time alone. Then I will be able to socialize and see more clearly if I want to continue with someone who distances herself from me when we get closer.

i don't buy your talk of love any more, gabriel. what you write does not sound like love to me at all. i think that you should let her go find an easier man to have a relationship with.

just my two cents worth.

You got a fish who's thInking of biting your bait anytime now...

Have fun. Take advantage.

Faithful777 I am sorry you feel that way about me. I know I have not slept in two days and have cried a lot. I know what I feel. I was confused from what I read on the internet on how to get my x back, how I am unattractive because i am too nice to her. But I know who i am and what I want, and what these sites tell me is to be a person who I am not.

Faithful makes people cry. He called me many different names too. I reckon he is not someone to associate with.

Thanks galvatron. You have always made me smile, when I needed it the most. faithful could have given me advice, not dismiss me. Thank you for your support. I am starting to give my support in other discussions so its not all about me. You are generous. TY

It appears that your self esteem and self worth depend on whether or not you can keep this woman, or the last one. You become frantic and start jumping though hoops and reaching when you feel them wanting distance. Sounds like an exhausting way to live.

its amazing isnt it, how we can wrap ourselves into a pretzel? and literally choke ourselves off from a normal experience of life?

i hated feeling pretzeled up. i'm so grateful i'm no longer in such a dysfunctional relationship anymore, and i can actually live my life, rather than feel swallowed up or drowned by it.

How much time we spend on trying to figure out ways to get an ex back! Advice on the internet about how women don't like "nice" guys- meanwhile places like DS are full of women with broken hearts wishing they could just find a "nice guy" one who isn't controlling or abusive or a user or a cheater. You have to remember that a heck of a lot of this advice is coming from people who have a skewed view of the world due to their own hurts. If for example you want to listen to a guy like Galvatron who thinks American women have too much freedom which allows them to cheat, a guy who has also said that women need to look at why they are making men mad enough to hit beat them, a guy who thinks getting revenge on an ex is a good idea.... well if you want to have an unhealthy life and create more issues for yourself- then sure follow that messed up advice. If you want to find peace and happiness then we need to find a way to let go (that takes time) heal and move on with our lives. There is NOTHING worse than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Waiting around for her to figure out what she wants- is really just prolonging your own hurt. This woman needs to take time to be alone! She is hopping from man to man messing up a heck of a lot of people's lives as well as her own. IF she leaves the guy she is with and comes to you, then what? How long do you think it will last until someone else catches her eye? There are reasons why you two are not together right now. Waiting for her to make up her mind? Now why should she make any big decisions when she knows she has you waiting in the wings? She can do her thing now and know you are actually sitting there waiting for her when she wants you. It's not healthy and I don't think you can say you are happy, if eventually she decides to be with you, will you ever be able to trust that she is going to stick around?

LiannaMe your advice sounds very thoughtful and good. You think that by staying as her friend, even if I am aloof and don't call her, she will not move towards loving me. If this is true, it means cutting all ties. That would be very painful and hard for me to do now. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and I have a very limited social life. If I have to leave her, I need time to prepare myself, I can;t do it today. I was happy that we were back "together" and she is happy. we were both miserable when we were apart for two days. Is there any other option?

Lianne surprises me. All I was saying was that women in America secretly want to get abused. Why, when I was super nice and loving, my ex American girlfriend left me for an abusive guy.

My american friends told me that American women don't want whimpy nice guys, they want tough abusive guys. So, next women I met, all I had to do was treat her like dirt and she was so good until I graduated from college and decided not to marry her.

The point is, American women say one thing and want something else. You have to be man enough to slap sense in to her and keep her in check or she goes all psycho and starts to look for a guy who will do it.

I'm keepin my eyes out for a tough GOOD guy

hey Gabriel, just wondering , how old are you? and where does this relationship fit into your relationship history?

have you been married before? engaged? have children? slept around?

I have had a couple of long term relationships (8-10 years) which were wonderful. I am still friends with one of them. I have never been married but I have nothing against that.. It just hasn't happened. I have no children. I don't like to sleep around. I like my life to be simple and joyful. Problems started when I got sick. I had a couple of relationships in which I was not my usual confident self. So I got into trouble. I am 80% recovered now. My age? My picture was taken in May.

were you this fixated in your other relationships?