You are in a tough spot. If you are not happy and your children are being impacted negatively and it's causing and adverse affect, then, you know your answer. My ex was AWFUL to my middle son and his son, whom I raised, was neglected but, could do no wrong. My middle son was being destroyed...it was so hard. Here are the links for the newbies:

I'm sorry for your pain. We know that drill all too well and it is so sad to see someone going through this hurt. Here are the links that a fellow DS member, PGamble and with contributing members, put together. We all care. It's time roll up your sleeves and start taking those necessary steps before we MARCH MARCH MARCH. Do your part and we will walk beside you and you should seek counseling in addition to your daily strength. Godspeed.



http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/2816539-manual



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358621-stages



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358615-loveless



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358611-7steps



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358596-no-contact



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358587-forgiveness



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358584-loving-yourself



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358575-loneliness



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358567-pastas-posted



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358554-drama



http://dailystrength.org/help/crisis-resources



http://www.hud.gov/homeless/index.cfm



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/6969338-your-message



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/7880220-break-up-survival-guide/lastpage



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/8291684-survivors-bill-rights/lastpage



http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/8686330-101-little-instructions-surviving/lastpage

Here is another contribution from a beloved member that will be leaving us...Zen11...we will miss her and we thank her for so much and of course, for her parting words that she allowed me to share with you:

I have watched many come and go...and come and go again. I have read too many "good-bye cruel DS world" threads, not that there's anything wrong with that. Its just not my thing. As much as I would like to acknowledge some wonderful people publicly, I'll just keep this here and hope that some find this with sweet serendipity.

I'm certainly one who likes to give her opinion and advice, so it really was difficult to end my thread addiction. So here is my final advice (yeah, gotta have the last freakin word):

On online support group etiquette:

1. don't be an ass. I could write a dissertation on this topic alone. I will spare you.

2. yes, there is a difference between a 20 y.o.'s 2 month relationship blowing up and a 40 y.o.'s 15 year marriage tanking, but pain is pain. Have some compassion for pete's sake. Refer to #1 before responding.

3. number nabbing is a serious sport. it is not for the weak or those with dial up connections.

4. online groups aren't all that different from "real people" groups. you wouldn't walk into a party and start talking shit about people you don't know so don't do it online either. read the threads. read the responses. learn about the people in the group. refer to #1 before responding.

5. creating multiple profiles, trolling, stalking, etc. is creepy and just plain wrong. shame on you. refer to #1.

6. nothing good can come of starting a thread after midnight on a lonely Friday night while drinking. trust me on this one. okay, maybe some good. those who are sober are usually thoroughly entertained.

7. starting new threads every half hour that pretty much detail your every thought is grounds for banning. okay, it isn't, but it should be. Journal that shit.

All right. Getting off my high horse now. I should be allowed up on the soap box once and awhile considering my veteran status. :)

You should consider discussing this with him directly and both seek counseling if you both want to salvage this. Remember, your children are being impacted....I wish you luck.

I have tried again and again talking to him. You just can't. He gets furious and says for me to mind my own business. The way I feel is anything that goes on in the house IS my business and if it isn't then I should go.

I'm with Z on this...if its affecting your kids and your relationship with your kids and your granddaughter, then you probably know what you need to do. Like Z also said, if both of you really want to try and salvage the relationship, then the issue needs to be discussed and get some counseling to deal with it.

It's not fair to you for him to have his kids around, but you not get to have your kids over.

I wish you luck!

So, he is controlling and cruel to children? Seems like you may already know what you need to do. Don't let fear stop you.

A good way to put it is that he gets pissy every time one of my kids come over. And when I said something about what happened this wkend he says maybe you should have done something about ur daughter having two kids and not being married. She don't live with us so in my opinion that's different. Am I wrong?

Sorry but he's a dink. From where I come from I'd treat my partners kids just as well - if not better. And requesting that a two year old not come over? Watta jerk.

Sorry your in this situation. Do yourself and your kids a favour and leave.

She is still your daughter. My daughter will ALWAYS be welcomed...she is flesh of my flesh and I would welcome his children but, expect the same respect in turn. Boundaries....

He simply don't like anyones kids but his own. He still calls his ex's kids son of a bitches. That's just how he is.

and you married him? Did you not get to know him before committing and bringing your children into the relationship?

I am very nice and good to his kids. I took many tests online and sent texts and made phone calls to get his 21 yr old a job because all he did was sit in the basement watching porn. So I got him the job. I know that my husband would never do anything to help my kids. And, yes, he is a dick, everyone knows it.

No he made it seem like it would be soo good. He doesn't drink or do drugs, but he is an ass. I am getting to the point where I don't want him to touch me. I know that this is a bad sign.

I looked at how good he is to his kids and thought he would be good with mine, but NOT!!!!

and yet...you chose him....I hope you realize that giving and giving doesn't win you a prize....it makes you accept less for yourself. You are good to his kids....okay...he is bad to your kids.....not okay...so, what are you going to do? This is not a question for any forum...this is something you have to discuss with a counselor and/or dig within yourself and realize what is the healthy thing for you to do. It really doesn't matter how wonderful you are to his kids....it is what you are accepting into your life.

Put your sneakers on an run. He knew going into this that you had children and if he can't accept them then he cannot accept you. He is not giving up his relationship with his children why should you? Your children are going to start to resent you. Get out of there and quick.

My STBX had a son from a previous marriage and we have three kids together. His son could have done no wrong but he treated his own three children like they were his step children. He gave up a relationship with his 14 year old daughter for his sons girlfriend. Get out!!!!!!! They are selfish and you or your children don't need it. He is allowing that behavior and they know it. That pisses me off. I've been there.