I'm not sure either, its rough for sure. I've been single for over a year and it sucks.

have a look at my journal regarding moving on after a split. It does get easier in time. you are not alone!

Hi, Same thing happened to me. I came home one day after 22 years of marriage and found him gone bag and baggage. It was the darkest day of my life and It left me reeling for a very long time. Twenty years later and I still carry the scars. All I can say is at this point do whatever it is that makes you feel better. If it means staying home and crying for a while that's ok. If you want to go out, do it. Don't listen to people's advice. Everyone was telling me to go out and meet someone. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. For me, it was carrying on with my my life as it always had been with or without him. The anger was terrible but after a while, it subsided to a point where I could move in a forward direction. Surround yourself with compassionate people and pour your heart out as much as you need to. Also, seek legal advice. When they walk away after 20 years of marriage, they are a different person. You can't trust them anymore.

Hi and welcome! So sorry to hear. That is really tough. Did your wife give a reason for the separation? Is it something the two of you could possibly work on, with a therapist or on your own?

Right foot left foot breathe one second at a time so you build up to one minute at a time and so forth. You grieve your marriage personally I think the death of marriage is worse than the death of person because then you're dealing with a living ghost in the death of a marriage. When someone dies in most cases anyways they didn't have a choice what was just their time but when someone leaves you you still go through the same kind of grief process and you're like questioning everything. Embrace every single one of those feelings of grief because you're entitled to you need to you have to and one day you will wake up and you'll go through a whole day and sometime during that day it'll get you just for a brief moment you have gone for a whole day without obsessing over them thinking about them you actually maybe had a real smile for a few minutes and from that point forward it's going to get better. I fought my husband tooth and nail on every turn trying to save our marriage and fought the divorce for over a year. Made him stand there and look me in the eye at court as he told the judge no our marriage cannot be saved and I thought I was going to die right there on the spot. It's been almost a year and sure there's occasions I still miss him but there's more occasions that I don't. We're still friends we still do family things together with our granddaughter. But life is moving forward and I'm ok with it and you will be too. are in this process you're probably going to do some of the stupidest things in life you never thought you would do and you're probably going to hurt like you feel like you're physically going to die you won't. And here on this site you're in the safest place in the world you can lay it all out there on the line and you have no worries because for the most part none of us know who the other one is it's not like there's a local support group where you might bump and other members and you don't have to worry about me telling anybody because like you would in a local group you can be 100% real here under anonymity that's almost an oxymoron but it's the truth it wasn't for this site right here I probably wouldn't have made it through my divorce with my sanity intact and there's so many other things in my life that I work through right here. So when you feel like your friends in your everyday life don't want to listen anymore they're tired of hearing your cries or whatever there's always friends here. So right foot left foot breathe

It does get better, get involved with new groups, hang with your pals...that is the best medicine. People loose children and go on, you can survive divorce, I have twice. Hang in there could be worse

Find yourself. Do what makes you happy. You may not know after 20 years so you can experiment.

The first months are tough. But think you have hope and a future.

My cheating husband is about to move out and after stuggling for a year we are getting a divorce. Like you, I am afraid of the loneliness, but I realize it HAS to be better than living with a man who will not do the right things to heal the marriage. The constant rejection/disappointment and lack of respect and concern is far worse than being alone. I choose loneliness with the hope I might one day find a decent man

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I’m recently separated and heading towards divorce. So I undestand the feelings of confusion, abandonment, hurt, anger, and heartache you are going through right now. Some things that have helped me are replacing routines with new ones. ie. I always called my wife after work, now I either call a friend or family member. Evenings were and still are the hardest for me bc that was our time together to talk and unwind from the day. I try to get out of the house in the evenings now- I’ll go to the park, take the dogs for a walk, go to a friends... you get the idea. At first this will be hard. And I’m not going to lie it is still hard for me most days. But creating new habits will help. Also I would suggest a counselor for yourself if your spouse is unwilling to go to marriage counseling. These helped me through most of my separation. Now that divorce has been decided I’m trying to relearn the whole concept again. The finality of it all really threw me off and has hurt me all over again.
This community is here for you whenever you need.

So sorry to read your situation. I don't think it is any easier after 4 years or 2 years. Once two people form a connection, no matter how long they have been together, it is still painful to separate. For me, it was prayer and one day at a time.

You’ve been traumatized. It’s normal but it’s not easy.

After 20years, you’ve gotten used to certain routines. Those routines are tough to break cold turkey.

Move if you can. Rearrange furniture or remodel if you can’t.

Take up a new hobby.

Basically, start changing your environment.

Therapy...essential
Friends and family.
new friends helped me....online

Eventually you will make a new life for yourself

You will find happiness again one day

just hang on through these darkest days....and talk talk talk

I don't know how we get through this , guess the only choice we have is to take it day by day. for me it is sometimes minute by minute. Married 21 years and seperated but its all my fault ( I didn't cheat) So I am also in the self hatred mode lately. I usually end up crying my self to sleep. For me its been a little over a month , and I have realized that there are days when I didn't break down and fall to my knew from the pain and heartache.