first of all....DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!

my marriage was the same as yours....just not 20 years.... 6 1/2.

i have a 3 year old, almost 2 year old, had a miscarriage in january and pregnant again in march(baby HE wanted to get his baby boy,i had severe morning sickness for 5 months actually called hyperemesis and was hospitalized a few times, and baby may have down syndrome),cooked, cleaned, paid the bills...you name it. i did it. never did he offer to help me with the girls the make me less tired so by the time i'd finally get my shower around 930pm i was totally exhausted!

this is one of the biggest "excuses" he can come up with....lack of affection. well you'd have gotten it a lot more than 3-4 times a month had you been more understanding of this pregnancy and of my needs as well.

HUGE LACK OF COMMUNICATION ON HIS PART!!!!

In the last year of our marriage 9 times. Before that we probably averages 12 times a year. months w/no sex, and months with 2x. I would have liked more than this. And, at first was disappointed. But, I learned to accept her lack of intamacy. In the end, she claimed I was at fault... wtf... I would have gone for every night if she had wanted...

I wasn't going to answer this post because it is embarassing, but I figured what the heck. When we were first married it was definitely weekly not sure how much. As the years went by it did gradually decrease. I was the problem, low sex drive, but I honestly feel this was a symptom to a larger problem that wasn't being addressed. We were growing apart also and he did not want to address that. I felt we didn't do enough to keep that physical connection there. Not focusing on another relationship right now.

If you must know.... Everyday, three times a day...

ok, so I wish I had it 2-3 times a week. Sex was great when we had it until the end.

Going to hide after for the shame of admitting this.

Sad to say we maybe be lucky to have it every month to month and a half - only time he make it to bed was then also. I felt abandoned since the sofa became his bed the nights he did come home early .... which he thought early was close to midnight.

I never was too tried and the sex was like two strangers in the end. I was too trusting to figure out something was not adding up and just figured I needed to be understanding. I figure he worked and went to school and should get better once he was done and graduated.

A year ago, when we were happy, we were making love almost daily and the key is, it was making love. The last few months, since our relationship has grown cold and is on the brink of ending (I got the "we gotta talk" call today), sex is just that, sex and its once a week, maybe and its not enjoyable. Its a physical act, no emotions. He treats me so bad and then wants his need fufilled. I resent him for it and dont enjoy it at all. My own fear makes me "satisfy" him so he wont cheat on me. Sad, but true.

I was lucky to get sex once per week...

hot n heavy in the beginning.. crazy sex.. but now, new baby, life gets in the way.
Poor excuse but lots of us are in the same boat. Sometimes I feel irritated that he wants sex, but when we have it, I feel great again, I feel close to him and its wonderful. Then back to life the next day. Tough cycle to break.
Don't think it has anything much to do with loving someone, more about time management....

In the beginning several times a week but towards the end of the relationship maybe once or twice a month.

Women and men are different when it comes to sex. I am convinced of this fact. My ex wanted 'sex' frequently. I would like to make love when I feel like making love. Sadly, I often submitted when I had NO desire to have sex with him. It NEVER occurred to me that there was anything UNHEALTHY about doing that until after my divorce. I met a beautiful man who made love to me. Our time together was spectacular, memorable and beautiful. Then, when I was feeling a bit down one night, we began to make love. I did not want to at all. I was sad. I was lonely. I was not feeling sexy. Suddenly, this man stopped and said "You don't want to do this do you?" I cannot tell you how he knew that. I was playing my role as usual. He refused to go further. He held me and he pleaded with me to never make love unless I absolutely wanted to do so. In fact, he said "I won't do this. This is rape. You MUST, you MUST tell me when you don't want to make love. You must." That was a moment in my life that gave me wings. I felt free. I felt loved. I won't submit again unless I feel that it is right. But, I MUST communicate to my partner. I cannot just leave him wondering is it him.

So, go ahead and slam me men out there (MOST of the men out there). PLEASE admit that a warm, hallowed out pumpkin would suffice if need be. Some place warm and moist and with enough friction to bring the male to ejection. Sex is physical for men. Sex is emotional for women.

PLEASE don't get me wrong. I FULLY understand and have experienced men who make love passionately and sensually and with care and consideration for their partner. But, those same men most likely don't have the energy to do that EVERY time. They simply want to pump the warm moist place and enjoy. Meanwhile, women (at least those past or close to passing child-bearing age) are looking for something quite different in bed. Furthermore, they are quite capable of imagining their ideal lover and reaching a climax all by themselves (or with BOB).

It is a very distinct difference in men and women. Men are arroused by tactile stimulation and visual stimulation. Women can go to their imaginations but prefer a man who notices that she is actually THERE!!


Porn... porn threatens many women. We KNOW what our husband is watching. We KNOW what those women look like and what they are willing to do. We often blur the understanding that our husbands would not want to be married to drug seeking, nymphomaniacs. Can you blame women for feeling threatened? Women watching porn is a much less prevelant phenonomen. Would men enjoy sitting around while their women "bobbed" to men on the web. Not likely.


Gosh, what am I trying to say? TALK. Talk to your spouse about this very delicate topic.

I am just going to add that sex is a wonderfull thing.
That love may have nothing to do with.
Scientifically woman have a greater capacity for sex and you know whats than men.

I dont even think that I can understand all the complexities of a woman or a relationship.

What we have in life is what we want in life on some level.
We choose to expereiance what we do.
I want a great sex life and sex once a day.
Or more.
I want ot make love,,,
I want to have sex
I want to be bad,
All with one woman!
That is my sex Ideal!

Who knows if ti wil work out but I think about it alot. I have been seperated since last november .
I hope the next woman I am with will understand.
I say go for the best life you want . Choose it and keep chooseing and you will get there.

his sex drive was almost non existant all the way through the 6 years together. I guess we made love about 20 times is all, 3 times that he initiated. I stopped trying, being rejected was just too hard, so it was easier not to bother. We separated 5 weeks ago and hadnt made love in over a year

Like most of you, this is a sensitive subject for me....

Like most of you, my relationship before we were married was like rabbits. Usually a couple of times a week, sometimes once a day.

Then, like most of you, it fell off.

Like some of you, it was all but non-existent in the end. I think we had sex twice in the last year we were together.

We had lots of issues. Incompatibility, problems with communication, hurt feelings, she cheated, etc.

She wanted to be pursued. I did for a while, but I got tired of it never being enough, or good enough, or not knowing what she wanted. With all the precondition, I got really frustrated.

I wanted sex about once a day, and at night. I'm no good in the morning.

Yes, men and women are different. After reading this thread, I'm almost surprised that men and women ever have sex at all, much less make love. Right now, I'm very apathetic towards the whole issue; I want sex, I just don't want to jump through all the hoops it would take to have sex with a woman.

Don't mean to be a downer, but I'm more than a little depressed about the whole subject. As some say down here in TX:

"I jus' don't wanna mess wid it!"

frequently.

You hear so often that women are the ones, typically, not to want to have sex. I just wonder, why women are blamed for this. Why wouldn't a woman want to have sex if it were a good experience?

In my so-called marriage, before children we had sex a lot. But I remember now, that we accomplished that by having me do foreplay all by myself because it was too much trouble for him, and he had this rule that I was not to touch him or initiate. That worked for a while, at the rate of about 3-4 times/week. After the first child, and his unwillingness to consider my needs at all in terns of rest and getting a break or some sleep, things cooled some, but the sex life was still active. After he removed some fulfilling things from my life, namely friends he thought I spent too much time talking with, and the job I loved that he thought wasn't highly paid enough, I found it harder to open up to him or care what he wanted. Around this time he started to go elsewhere.
Yes, I had the energy to go to a job I hated, look after the kids singlehandedly, keep my feelings inside with no one to listen to me, and get dinner on the table, yet was too tired for sex. I guess I was just a bad wife.