I'm hopeful and anxious. I hate being so unsettled. My cheating H and I are considering reconciling, but it's still very uncertain. My big kids have been gone most of the summer since all of this has happened, but they are coming home Saturday. I hope I can provide them with stability, when I'm none too stable myself right now.

I'm fine because I don't care... You did it just for the "shock" reaction, I knew it.

I feel like I've been run over by a bulldozer. I'm tired most of the time, achy from working, mentally exhausted from worrying and sick to my stomach at what's around the corner.

Hugs to you, (((((Rman)))))

(((((((((((((RMAN))))))))))) I feel stuck sometimes, and happy sometimes. I feel so happy to be able to truly enjoy my life on my terms, and especially my relationship with my children. But I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water sometimes. I get tired of doing everything alone.

there are about 1 million things that I'm happy and grateful for, my daughter rocks, I have a great job and great friends, my family is in good health, so why the fuck am I such a debbie downer??? Because I let some douchebag get me that way, but this soon shall pass...

Better than yesterday that's for sure. Kind of amazing what happened involving a totally unexpected theraputic source. A woman I was in a relationship with that I had hopes for left me. I see more clearly the reasons why now. What I want to do now? Continue to heal...continue to be the best father I can to my children...continue to have faith that a loving partner is in my future because I deserve it.

Love this song by GBV:

Hold on Hope

Every street is dark
And folding out mysteriously
Where lies the chance we take to be
Always working
Reaching out for a hand that we
Cant see
Everybodys got a hold on hope
Its the last thing thats holding me

Invitation to the last dance
Then its time to leave
But thats the price we pay
When we deceive
One another/animal mother
She opens up for free
Everybodys got a hold on hope
Its the last thing thats
Holding me

Look at the talkbox in mute
Frustration
At the station
There hides the cowboy
His campfire flickering
On the landscape

That nothing grows on
But time still goes on
And through each life of misery
Everybodys got a hold on hope
Its the last thing thats holding me

What are feelings?

TD...you know...like that funny feeling you get "down there" when you see a pretty girl...you know...feelings...

TD... Rman is correct.

See, I told you.

Grateful- I can support myself and my son with a good job
Lonely - Tired of always being 'strong', like I am over 'it' - I'm not, but you know people in your life only have so much room for your sadness and of course after a year I should be just fine...right?
Scared sometimes - do I have the ability to take a chance someday, belive again?

I want to go home, but I dont know where that is anymore.

I feel a little sad. I have my ups my downs. I was down for so long and then finally up and now, after having to see him again, I feel sad, like I miss him, like I wasn't enough. And if I wasn't enough for the one person I truly loved, the one person who meant the most to me, the person I shared myself completely with... how could I do it again? I am sure I will, but I don't see it right now.

Torn in two. Confused.

You're right though: Humor is essential. Sometimes you have to crack a joke or you'll go crazy. Thank god I have funny friends and a lot of Katt Williams DVDs.

I have my days. Some good, some bad. Unfortunately lately I've been having more bad than good.

Me too, Rman. Big hugs, even though I am not on your friend list... lol