Friendship is not necessary even if children are involved. The only necessity is civil discourse. You don't have to be "friends", just civil acquaintances.

I'm in the same sinking boat. I just got through writing a journal about staying away from my current "mistake ".

Meanwhile, my previous ex and I have been talking for years on the phone. Lately it's killing me. I only remember the good times. I don't remember why we didn't marry.

Now he's involved with someone else. I don't know whether it's because my current relationship is over, or what. But when the ex calls, we laugh on the phone, and afterward I cry for what might have been.

We have to remember that they are "exes" for a reason. My ex is a nice person, unlike my current about-to-be ex. I always wish him the best but I end up crying when I put down the phone.
I'm hardly an expert, but take this for whatever it's worth.

I'm going through a recent break up (4 days ago) when he ended it he wanted 2b friends but i can't see that happening especially because i still love him and want him back, but i know that won't happen, im still trying to figure out how to move on and try 2 forget him.

I'm aiming for peace with my ex long term. Never friendship.

Peace: hostilities have ceased

Friendship: implies mutuality

I've accepted that the actions she did happened. I've also accepted that and adulterer IS who she is.

Why continue expecting better from someone who has already told you who they are by their deliberate marital treachery?

Accept they are who their actions say they are. Set your expectations accordingly.

Thank you all for your honest opinions. I'm beginning to think it's truly different for each person/relationship. As for me I don't know yet. I think both will be painful personally, but again thank you it definitely puts a lot into perspective

Nope.. My ex thought we could be friends and I told him no way in heck we could EVER be friends. Its not worth my happiness or my self worth.

no contact till you're healed. Breakups are personal and we taken them personally. There is nothing more fundamentally personal than someone who is your spouse or lover saying "I do not wish to be your spouse/lover any more". If you didn't take it personally, you'd be a card carrying idiot.

So go away by yourself and lick your wounds. And only attempt a friendship once they're healed.

Unless of course there was no pain on your part, in which case sure, fine, stay friends. I mean, if nobody invested, nobody cared, nobody got hurt there's no reason to stay away. it's just that that almost never is the case.

Stbx does not exhibit qualities or traits I appreciate in a friend - honesty, respect, common interests, good communication, generosity, a willingness to share..... Except for the kids, we have nothing in common. No thank you.

I am stuck in the same position. Reading all of these comments has disheartened me. I have kids with her, so we will have to interact, but it will be hard. I hope we can stay friends but it sounds like it will not be good. Good luck to you and to us all.

I think it really depends on both your personalities and how the relationship ended. Out of all my boyfriends I only still talk to a couple of them. One fairly regularly! The difference is I am not attracted to him. That died out when the relationship ended. So I think you need to ask your self a couple of questions...

Are you wanting to be friends because you are hoping that through the friendship you'll get back together?
or
Do you genuinely want to be their friend?

Yeah that's true... really good point I haven't thought about it that way. I wish I could say I want to be friends because there might be a chance we would get back together but then at the same time if the other person doesn't feel the same and just wants to truly be my friend.... that's what I'm afraid of