Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So yesterday my wife asks me if I'm going to rake the leaves. I told her that I was going to do laundry, go grocery shopping and watch football. She then proceeded to tell me that all the neighbors were outside raking and that I was the only "man" not doing any yard work. I simply said that I didn't care what the neighbors thought of me and that I was sticking to my plan. Well, she grabbed the rake, as well as my two daughters and spent about 4 hours outside raking. Some of the neighbors even came by to help out. I just sat on my couch, watching football and watching my yard get cleaned up for me. Did I feel bad? Just a little bit. Did I get over it? Yeah, in about 30 seconds.
You keep saying how much you love your wife... In my mind, love means wanting to help someone. So why didn't you go out and help? Even for an hour?
I was a stay at home mom too. I remember asking my ex for help, and him pretty much shutting me down or putting me off indefinitely. He'd say that he'd do it "sometime", but then if someone else wanted help, he'd help them that day.
You seem so totally disconnected from your wife and her feelings. As she seems disconnected from yours. If you love her, will you lmake the first move? More than just going to work....but being connected to her?
IDK, you never really talk to me. You just bitch about the state of your marriage. It would be easy to just agree with you, but would that be helping your marriage? Or just making it easier for you to leave?
My ex got lots of sympathy from his buddies too. But NONE of them knew my side. And those that did understood....at least a little.
Maybe half of the problem is that house? The snow, the leaves, the bills? Maybe you're each blaming each other, but maybe you each got yourselves into that situation?
I like Patti's questions -- it might be time to let go of some of the things that are working against the marriage and your family.
It's easier to rebuild financially after letting things go, like the house with the big yard, or the credit cards, than it is a family after it's broken.
That's different than what I have heard you say before. It's very clear now.
Rman, who currently works 2 jobs, hours and hours each and every day...week....was ordered to rake leaves. From what I see, it wasn't a "wow, the lawn really is covered, we should do something" or a "do you think you could", but a snotty derogatory comment on what a MAN should do was not addressed in an acceptable timeframe because his doing the laundry and grocery shopping that day simply was not enough (keeping in mind, his children are both in school and this stay home mom couldn't find an hour to grocery shop during the week while said husband was at work)....
And it's his fault?
Women do not get demanding and controlling when they don't get help. Some do, but not all.
Why???????