Child support is the easiest question to answer.

All states have "child support calculators" online. google your state, answer the questions and you should have a good, if not exact idea of what the state would assign for child support.

That's the easy part. If he works for a big company, sometimes (not always) it can be set up that his support is taken directly out of his pay...and sent to you.

If he works for himself, or a small company...it can be significantly more difficult.

Many states also have, online, how they figure out what alimony you would get. For some states it's quite significant, for others...it's next to nothing.

So...start there. Judges, depending on the state, often have wide latitude in what they order. Divorce laws are state laws, and often decided by local judges. You need to have local advice from a lawyer. But...lawyers charge by the hour, so do as much research on your own as you can.

Get all the family help you can, swallow your pride and lean on them and your friends. Move as far away as you can.
Cut all ties with him that you can, be prepared for a fight and a battle.
Be willing to start all over and leave as much behind as you can.

Thank you. I'll check into the child support calculator. I'm not expecting alimony from him, even though we've been together long enough to where I should get it.
I do have friends who are willing to help me some. One who the kids and I could stay with until we'd get approved for our own place if need be. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of family who can help. My dad passed away 2 years ago, and my mom is currently battling cancer with my stepdad.

Unless you are unsafe, do NOT move out without talking to a lawyer first.


If you feel safe in doing so, it's far better to force him out of the house. But..safety first. Talking to your local women's shelter can help you through this decision. But first...talk to a lawyer and find out the consequences of moving out.

(In extreme situations, he could even end up with full custody of the kids, with you paying child support to him.)

SO much depends on your state, and judge.

Also on things like has he ever gotten a DUI, lost a job from drinking. etc.

In most states, even one DUI is enough to really tilt things in your favor in the courts.

Without anything...it's a your word against his issues. Which is NOT to say that the judge isn't going to listen to you. Family court judges, for the most part, have heard it all...and are pretty good judges of human behavior. Alcoholics don't get sympathy.

Well apply for housing but where I live I never got on it the list was too long so that can vary. I just had to work alot. Apply for food stamps and medical then there are often services that may help with deposits for utilities , there are always churches that do food boxes. I never had family help. So relate there and basically did it on my own. I got a very small amount child support. Do your research before leaving for sure. I basically planned it all out best I could. I have 3 kids so I know it's scary and a challenge.

I never really thought about those things. No, he's never gotten a DUI or lost a job due to his problems. But I've saved text messages and have videos of him when he's been really intoxicated to keep in case I need them for proof of his character. He's told me in the past if we ever separated that he wouldn't fight me over the kids. He knows I would want them with me. But I do have a 16 year old son who is saying that he doesn't want to move because he only has 2 years of school left. In the state of ohio I'm pretty sure he's old enough to decide. Unfortunately.

Yeah I've noticed the housing around here varies by county. In the county I'm from, there was openings on the wait list, but in a nearby county, the waitlist was closed. Luckily I have somewhere we could stay while waiting. Regardless I plan on finding a job, and if it comes to worst case scenario I guess I'll just do whatever I have to in order to make ends meet. I'm pretty good at budgeting luckily, lol.

I was in a similar situation. What helped me the most was "The Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide" e-book that used to be on a site called empoweredrecovery but now it has moved. I think it is here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/doug-kelley-and-tracy-kelley/alcoholic-relationship-survival-guide/paperback/product-22062262.html?ppn=1

This had a great chapter on documenting the alcoholic's behavior. However, I disagree when it says "Don't count how many drinks they have, because that's codependent." During my divorce, I was asked this question many times. It is good you are documenting, but my attorney was not interested in my videos and only wanted written documentation. This was 5 years ago.

Please try to get a discreet, free consultation with an attorney. There are some attorneys who will give the initial consultation for free and give you their rates. Please consider all options and don't take alimony off the table until you talk to someone. I have a friend who gets lifetime alimony because that was the law in our state for being married over 20 years. You can ask your attorney about getting exclusive possession of the marital home and having your husband move out when you file. This is a scary time. Looking back, I don't know how I got through my divorce, but I did. I wish you the best of luck.