Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So a week and half ago my husband said to me ' I love you but I'm not in love with you' and that he needed space to clear his head, and I didn't do anything wrong, it's all him. He went and stayed at his sisters place. He agreed to go to see my therapist that I've been seeing, who suggested that we both work on ourselves before we work on our relationship. He has agreed to see a therapist also, has an appointment in a couple weeks. Meanwhile, I have no other answers and I have been going through extreme anxiety, not eating, not sleeping etc. We talked last night finally. He said he needs more space, would like to continue the separation for longer, maybe both of us should see other people. He took his ring off. I am devastated. This all came out of the blue, I had no inkling he has been even thinking all this. We have been together for 16 years, married for less than 1. He tells me he married me because he thought things would get better, that for years he's suppressed his emotions. There was an instance three years ago that he was depressed and had an affair, we had counseling and were in a much happier and better place. He was young when we got together, he was 19, so I'm assuming he wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side? I'm currently staying with my 21 yr old daughter, while he's staying at home with my 16 yr old daughter. I'm just not sure how to go about coping with all that's been thrown at me. I can't imagine my life without him, but it's like he's a different person now. I'm not sure if I could go through this a third time, as this has broken my soul. We are not fighting, and he says he still loves me and the kids and will do anything for us. I just don't know how long I should give him to figure it out. I'm just so sad.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
We can't force anyone to be with us. We can't change someone's mind. I learned this the hard way and after much experience in relationships.
All you can really do now is focus on yourself. What are your next plans, what do you want for your life... with or without him in it.
You are a valuable person who has a whole life ahead of you that will once again include happiness and fulfillment. This is a tough period right now and it's all so uncertain and confusing. But in time you will emerge from all of this stronger than ever. Take care of yourself by eating, sleeping, exercising, self care. Find other things to do that take your mind off this situation.
I get the daily, hourly struggle of imagining everything in life without him, wondering what he’s doing, searching for what you did wrong or could have done differently. But what I’m leaning in going through this same journey...and maybe coming to terms with, is that this is him. He is the one with unrest in his heart and feels the need to run. It is NO reflection on you or your relarionship.
He will go, see that the grass is not greener and come back, but when that happens, you are going to have transformed into an even better more beautiful version of yourself and realize you never deserved this or him.
Please keep well and look after you. Feel all the feelings you need to - feel the void, done fill the void as it will just come up again and be harder to deal with.
Sending you so much love
So how do we move forward through our new normal? Well, we take it one day at a time. Be kind to yourself, you are hurting. Listen to our hearts and minds about how we really feel. Sit down and reflect on how you feel. Sit with that feeling. You feel abandoned or rejected maybe. Sit with that, feel that, find what it means to you. Journal in writing about how you feel. Start making a plan to move out of living with your 21 year old unless this is equal partners in a place, both paying rent, etc., and you have legal papers giving you full or shared custody of the 16 year old who can live with you. Figure out your budget, one step at a time. How you cope is just one day at a time. It is wise to assume he is a changed person and may not be the person you want to stay married to.
Think of this as not just being rejected but your opportunity to reevaluate your marriage and his personality. Your opportunity to heal yourself. Staying with someone who has the issues he has that you have described may not facilitate your own well being. You love him but that might not be enough. We can love but not be willing to be in relationship because this person is not good for our own wellbeing. Stay strong, be your own best friend now.