Aw I am sorry. It's frustrating. My situation is different and not quite as long. But I feel pretty broken. I know it takes time.

You're not stupid for trusting someone who should be trustworthy. Lonely sucks, but it's better than bad company. Unloveable - no...you know better than that. While I lay here not sleeping, i recommend you get some rest...a good night's sleep makes for...well, I don't know, I'll try to get some sleep and get back to you.

How long do you have to pay this worthless piece of shit support? That royally sucks he doesn't even work..? It's been 15 months for me post split after 24 years when my ex wife split, and there are still good and bad days, not nearly as horrible as the first 6-8 months though, it's just gonna take time. I find I do much better the less we have to communicate. Take care and hang in there, it'll get better.

Oh and you're not stupid lol! I get the lonely and tired part and it's easy to come down hard on yourself but just reading these posts in here you see how common this cheating bullshit really is. Visit www.chumplady.com if you haven't, great website for us "chumps" who've been cheated on. Believe me I should have seen it too with my ex, all the flags were there I just never thought she would do it but she did...but I'll be ok and so will you!

You are powerful, amazing and capable. Your girls love you. The man you were with quit, not you. I am sorry to hear where you are. Do you have any legal remedies so you can stop paying for his life? Does he take care of the kids during the day? How did you end up paying for him?

You are incredibly strong to keep it together for your demanding job, provide for, guide and love your daughters while simultaneously burdened with the drain of undeserved spousal support, and the emotional roller-coaster that is betrayal and divorce.

If you were talking to a best friend who was going through and doing all of this, would you tell her she is stupid? Not in a million years.

Unfortunately, loneliness and fatigue are part of the process. We are all going through that. While it is easy to judge ourselves and be our own worst critics, please focus on what you are accomplishing. Don't add beating yourself up to the mix. Nothing you did made him cheat on you - that was his decision. Take pride in the strength, resolve and competency you are exhibiting and the stability and love you are providing for your children. Take a deep breath, and take it one day at a time.

Prayers and hugs to you. Know you are not alone, and the people here care and are very helpful at helping us see reality, uncover manipulation and speed us toward recovery and a brighter future. Sure it will take a long time, but it is there for us.

Oh sweetie, let me tell you, you will never figure him out. You could of been the best wife ever, always there for him, cooking, cleaning, raising the kids, need I say more but it didn't matter.
You are not stupid at all you were being the responsible one in the relationship and he just took advantage of it and still is. How long do you have to pay him? and on what grounds are you having to pay him? if you don't mind me asking. Keep checking the laws in your area for any changes that may effect you. If he is claiming he is disabled and cannot work for whatever reason maybe you can prove him wrong. I don't know your situation but hang in there. You cannot compete with the internet these days and you are better than that anyway. People kid themselves everyday falling in love with someone they chat with. it all changes when reality sets in. it's ok hunny, she'll be paying him support next or maybe he'll get remarried and you wont have to anymore. I'm sorry you are in this situation but you are the better person.
Have you seeked any kind of resolution to your situation?

I'm almost at that year mark.. and I find myself still on that emotional roller coaster of wanting to just stay in bed and cry some days.. I totally understand.. heres my take on it.. we glorify our ex's lives.. and it just brings us farther and farther down this rabbit hole.. you have to try to keep your mind focused on you and your girls, set some goals, make some plans to get you and the girls out and about, trips, picnics.. try to focus on making your life fun and enjoyable!

I keep reverting back to thinking of my exh, living it up in our home.. his cushy job.. and his new B of a girl having sooo much fun going out and doing whatever they want because I have the kids.. buts its ALL IN MY HEAD.. and I KNOW its not as wonderful as I'm making it out to be.. last time I dropped off the kids, his place was a disaster, laundry piled up, kitchen piled up.. and his lazy ass was sitting like usual watching the tv..

Moving forward is tough.. but you can do it :) you deserve to be happy, and your kids deserve to be happy too.. keep the focus where it should be, on the 3 of you.. make yourself mentally stop taking steps backwards.. and everyday try to move closer to a goal.. you can be happy again, just stay focused on the positives in your life, your babies, and your future.. he's NO LONGER holding you back.. you have alot of great adventures ahead of you, start packing up his emotional baggage and send him on his way for good!..

we're always here to listen.. keep us posted on your progress ((hugs))

I wish that you were not going through this. I know there are things which have happened that have been painful and hurtful.

I hope that you can begin to see the good things in your life and accept the bad things which have happened. Do not beat yourself up for the way things have happened. You are not the one that wandered. The universe has something better for you. It will take time, focus on being vulnerable with yourself and allowing yourself to go through emotions as they come.

Thank you so much everyone! I have been so focused on doing right by my girls. I have been so lonely. And, I expect I will be lonely for a long time. The thought of dating makes me sick. But, the girls are doing great. And I hold onto that.

Thank you so much everyone!!

On the finances, I am in better off than it could have been. He was a stay-at-home Dad who spent all day for the last 4 years having an affair. But, in the divorce, it doesn't matter. It is a 50-50 split for all assets regardless. I could have been on the hook for spousal support for 7-15 years up to 50 per. Cent of my salary. Luckily he felt so guilty he didn't push for that. I am only paying for 3 years. It feels crazy unfair. But, it could be much worse. And, I get decision making over the girls.

It is as good and as "civil" as it could be. But, I just get so. Tired of being the grownup all the time...

Please don't ever feel stupid. It's not your fault, and no one should ever have the power to make you feel like that! Look at all the good you've done for your girls! And don't ever consider yourself unloveable! It will happen! In the meantime love yourself! It's important! I understand being tired, and I understand not wanting to be the grownup any more. We all do. Just take it an hour at a time, a day at a time. It will help.