I have been with my husband for 10yrs( married for 8) and we have 2 kids. I know that relationships take work and commitment but have always felt like I put way more into it than he ever did. We come from different cultures and his family speaks another language. I learned his language so much so that pepole are taken aback at how well I speak it. I've always tried to immerse myself in his interests and do things that I wouldnt ordinarily have done on my own. For example, I learned how to ride a bike because he's an avid cyclist, I do more outdoorsy stuff like mountain climbing, camping etc because he enjoys it. I expet to his to be reciprocated but he has never really tried any of my interests. He's a teacher and IMO school hous are about the most predictable hours there could be but he wouldn't make it home for dinner (won't get home till about 9pm stating that he was riding his bike). I understand having a hobby but should it really take you away from having dinner with your family every night of the week? I talked to him about it and the resolution was he would get a bike trainer and train @ home. We'll he's used it maybe 3 times in about 4yrs. Next big issue was him always putting me on the back burner when it came to hanging out with his friends. He spent our 8yr anniversary getting drunk with his friend and completely stood me up with the plans we had made. The latest thing was that I noticed that he started to withdraw. Intimacy basically wentry away and whenever we did try he couldn't get aroused. I tried talking to him about it to see if there were things we could do to try and spice things up (we went to a lifestyle club) but nothing has worked. I started to get suspicious when he would dress differently and actually started paying attention to his looks. Getting haircuts, buying new clothes etc. Yall have to understand that my husband had been and white tee shirt and jeans kinda guy so much so that I actually used to be an inside joke of ours. This all started when he took his current. He started to get really weird about his phone and about money and really defensive whenever I tried to talk to him abut it. I know it was wrong and I had never felt the need to before or ever, ever in a millions years thought that I would be one of those wife's who reads her husbands texts but it was driving me mad. I found that he had been texting a female coworker A LOT. A lot more than he texts me which is not the issue in and off itself but the content of the messages didn't sit well with me. They texted about everything from her dog to her weight, yoga, music than hey liked, sending each other recommendations on songs, how she likes wine (he incidentally suddenly started drinking wine when he had been a beer guy). There were inappropriate jokes with inappropriate responses and flirty texts and lots of winking emoticions when his text replies to me were usually single word texts. He did talk about how marriage is a lot of work and sometimes he wished he had his "freedom" back. I know many married pepole feel like this at sometime during theit marriage and if he would have expressed this to his guy friends over a beer or something it wouldn't phase me. But why a coworker? One that he proceeds to tell that she is gorgoeus and whatever guy she ends up with is lucky. Now if this was his character, it wouldn't have bothered me or if he this way with everyone then I would chuck it up to him just being him but he is not usually a chatty texted or overly friendly with people. He self describes himself as a loner who never really cared about making friends or whether people like him or not. His words. So when did he get all chatty and flirty. I confronted him all out it all bound wit out mentioning her name, he knew exactly who I was talking about. Which leads me to believe that he already knew something was off with their relationship. I asked him if he would be OK with it had it been me texting a male coworker in the same manner and he agreed that he would be uncomfortable with it which leads me to question what his intentions were with her. He said they have never done anything but I have a difficult time trusting him as other things have happened in the past (a condom wrapper in our bathroom when we never use condoms.... his explanation? He was using it with my vibrator on himself. Seriously?) Anyway the confrontation over the texts grew into a big thing he left the house at 3am yesters and has not been back since. As mentioned before, we have 2 sons. Im at a loss. I don't deny that I have faults and I'm in no way saying that this is all on him but if I have no value what it is that I'm doing wrong or not doing since we can't ever have a conversation without it getting ugly. I think he jus stopped loving me which I guess happens but when I've asked him about it he says otherwise but his actions just don't match. One thing I am guilty of is talking divorce but I kinds feel like I have run out off options. He refuses to go to counseling, we can't talk, he having what I would describe as an emotional affair but just wants to leave everything as is and pretend like we're fine. A little more background on us....he was an illegal immigrant and just recently received legal resident status through our marraige. I feel terrible for thinking it but I can't help feeling used. I hate the idea of what divorce will do to our kids (ages 8 and 5) but like I have no more options. I dont know, I feel better venting. I've not really had and outlet for all this because my sister whow I would talk to about this is getting marríed this weekend (he's told me he's not going) and I would hate to burden her with this. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Any suggestions?