I'm a 53 year old man and I've been married for 19 years.  We have three children.  My two daughters are 17 and 14 and my son is 12.  I work in computers and my wife was a school teacher.  When we got married we decided that I would continue to work and she would be a stay at home Mom. 

In 2015, my wife asked me for a divorce.  She said that I did not show her Love and that I was not supportive of her.  She said that she feels that I am not supportive of her, that I don't take care of her, and that I don't really know her.  For example, she will work through being sick and say that she doesn't feel that she can allow herself to be sick because I will not be there to take care of her and take care of the house. 

We worked through the divorce for about a year.  We told the kids about it and saw a lawyer.  We had worked out a plan where we would sell the house and downgrade the familiy into a smaller house.  I would live with them for awhile until the family got settled and then I would move out into something small for me.  We did not have the finances to allow us to split and have two homes right away.  In any case, the divorce never happened.  As we worked throught the details, we reconciled and decided to call it off.  Things seemed happy for awhile.

Until they were not.  In the years since 2016 we have had our ups and downs.  I went to a therapist to discuss becoming a more supportive husband.  Eventually, my wife told me that the sessions were no longer needed and I stopped going.  (Finances were also tight at this time as well)  Since then it's gone up and down, but has taken a downward slide since her Mother passed away last year.  During that time, I took care of everything in the house and the kids for the month, while she was at her Mother's side. After that, we were good for awhile again.  However, things got bad this past summer and have been on down ever since.

If you asked my wife about our "ups and downs" she will say that it's all been downs.  It's only been that she hasn't been complaining during the "ups".  She will also say that the household that we have built for our children has been all her doing and I've had nothing to do with it.  I can never seem to make her happy and everything I try to do is criticized.

Of our three children, I have a good relationship with the younger two.  My older child and I have a tough relationship.  She was a difficult child for me growing up and I have had to raise my voice to her a few times in the past.  Despite trying to earn back her forgiveness for those times, she still has much bitterness toward me.  Additionally, she has a very close bond with her Mother.  She sees her Mother's unhappiness and blames me for it.  About two months ago, she was talking back to her Mother and I tried to intervene to help.  During that discussion my daughter turned her anger on me and told me that she hates me.

So, fast forward to today.  I have a daughter that, despite helping her with homework, helping her with her car, driving her places, will take any opportunity to villanize me.  I also have a wife who has been depressed  for months now and blames all her sadness on me.  If you had asked me in 2016 how I felt about the divorce, I would have cried rivers because of the Love I had for my wife.  Today however, I just don't know.  After years of being told that I'm not good enough and that I don't try enough and that I'm the cause of all the problems in the house, it's hard to say if I'm in love anymore.

I feel I'm at a crossroads.  I think it's clear that I'm considering a divorce.  In 2016, we were looking at a 50/50 split and having joint custody for the kids.  This time I'm considering just giving her full custody and letting her have the house and most of the funds.  I'm thinking it might be better that I just distance myself as much as possible from the family.  I just feel crushed right now.  That I'm unnecessary and not needed in this household.  Not just that, I feel that my presence is toxic to my wife and daughter and that they would be better off with me gone.