Hi.

Im sorry your going through this. Was there any signs or trouble in your relationship if you dont mind me asking?

Thank you for the reply. Yes, there were signs. I actually thought she didn't want me around. But I thought it would change. She didn't say she wasn't happy. Never told me anything. Until last night she said she was moving out. And I feel hopeless. Along with a lot of other things I don't want to feel.

You're going to be okay.

Have you tried to call her?

See if you can reach her by phone, ask her what is going on.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this and I can totally relate to what you're feeling. My husband of 28 years moved out 2 nights ago. The pain and anxiety is almost unbearable at times. I'm lost as to what to do most of the time and just try to do anything to keep busy. I pray it will get easier soon for us both. Good luck.

GirlinCalif and LoverofLaughter, thank you for your replies. I'm trying to do things to occupy my mind. I have called and talked to family members. I called a few friends that have gone through divorces. I have tried to call my wife. She will not call back. I emailed and texted. Only once each. I asked if we can go to counseling together, if we can try to work on this. She has not replied. I feel so lost and hopeless.

I'm sorry to hear this. You are going to get through this. Do you have a close friend or family to talk with soon? I also recommend therapy but it might take a few trial runs until you find a good therapist.

ZenSandals, thank you for the reply. I just joined here today because I feel hopeless. The replies I get are truelly uplifting. I have talked with family and friends. Everyone says going to see a professional really does help. I have reached out to my company's resource network. I really do appreciate the replies, kind words, and advice I've received so far

My therapist helps me a lot. I have anxiety issues, and she and I talk by phone once a week and she helps me with new ways of looking at things, and practical things I can do to help my anxiety.

I am at a loss of why your wife would leave. I guess you kind of know? But does anyone really know what is going on in someone else's mind? No we don't.

Keep yourself busy. Writing things out in a journal is very, very helpful. To get out the feelings.

Make sure and do the basic things such as eating all your meals, drink 8 glasses of water, eat healthy, sleep well, exercise, go outside and get fresh air..... try to take care of yourself, you are going through a trauma, be kind to yourself.

There are also good books to read about break ups, podcasts to listen to. YouTube videos too.

As bad as things feel now, they will only get better each day. This is the worst of it.

I've been married for a number of years and I guess I don't understand the comments. My wife and I get along reasonably well and love each other. However, I've seen marriages with constant stress and arguing and don't understand what's so good about keeping one of these.

Talked to a younger friend who said her father and mother were very different, had significantly different interests, recently separated and she wondered what took so long. I know another couple, they have considerable financial problems, and I'd much rather suffer with financial problems alone then add a spouse regularly criticizing you.

I think in these marriages that are having problems, you need to step back. You can try to keep it together and try to understand if there are legitimate needs that aren't being met. Compromise and self-evaluation are important.
You can certainly suggest working to change, undergoing counseling or the other things that keep marriages together. But some of them aren't working, and you try to get over that along with other challenges that life throws at you.

Well Bobby I guess if you are still happily married, you wouldn't understand the comments. You wouldn't understand why I'm so confused because there never were any arguments, there never were financial problems, there was never anything. I had no idea that my marriage was even close to ending. I had no idea she was unhappy because she never told me. I hope you are never in the situation that I am. I hope you never have the feelings that I do.

Her decision to leave was not made quickly or lightly. It was made for reasons you may not understand, reasons that may or may not be true for you. It was made a while ago.

Women will not always share their disappointments, sorrows, desires, or heartbreaks with us. They keep them inside. Just as we men have something which we will keep to ourselves as to do less would be to discount ourselves as men.

I do not have advice on your marriage. I am divorced. That makes me relatively well initiated into not keeping a marriage. I have no sage advice but can share what happened for me, I can listen if you need to scream and I can tell you the truth that you may not be willing to hear just yet.

The simple truth is you may never know the reasons. You should be prepared for that. sometimes the only answer will be "I don't know". The biggest truth that you should now prepare for is that no matter what happens, whether you stay married or not, it is that if you decide you will be okay and happy, you will find that space. Hang in there. breathe.

I’m sorry that you are going through this there will be answers at some point but maybe not all the answers you need. I am going through a similar situation it’s been three months since he up and decided to leave. You will find that this is not about you, you may have played a part but ultimately this was about her. I hope you get the answers you need but be patient especially with yourself during these difficult times.