I don't expect anyone else to figure out my problems for me, I don't even think there is a solution, but I feel like I'm going crazy not having anyone to talk to about them.
We're almost to the end of the divorce - I think the courts are awarding me some money but she has six months to pay it, and so far the judge is talking about giving me 30 days to move out, and I still won't have enough money to move out with.
My wife has had a complete change of personality the past year, I know she had to have really been a decent caring person, we were together 20 years, but ever since she got the idea of a divorce, she has been the most horrible person I've ever met. Any kind of psychological or financial abuse she thinks she can get away with, she'll do it, and she's constantly doing things like to retaliate.
First she told me I would have six months after the divorce was final to move out because I guess she was hoping I'd get back on SSI and she wouldn't have to give me anything, and it would take six months to get back on.
Because I don't have an active SSI claim, there are all kinds of social services I can't get. DHS wants me to have that or they tell me they can't help me. I also can't get medical transportation from my insurance because of that, is what I was told.
I have as many as six or eight different disabilities that make it almost impossible to keep appointments or make business calls, I really need personal assistance and I can't get it. Things are so bad now I'd have to have someone take me apartment hunting in a wheelchair, which is pretty recent. I don't have a wheelchair or anybody to help me.
We have five cats and a dog that my wife abandoned six months ago. All she will do is buy food and the rest she makes me do. She won't offer me anything for this, just yesterday she told me she wasn't paying me for that when she would have had to pay anybody else.
I have terrible cognitive trouble trying to understand and fill out paperwork. I don't know why. I can read, I can write, I can understand what I read but I get a paper to fill out or a court paper and my mind is just blank. I thought it was anxiety but I've been on anxiety medication for five months now and it's not one bit better.
For 20 years, my wife has had to help me fill out and understand paperwork, she knows how helpless I am without someone to help me with that, and I think she's actually enjoying it and taking advantage of it to try to make sure the divorce is as hard on me as possible.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I injured my leg coming out of the divorce trial, took a wrong step and fell down the courthouse steps. It's been six weeks and still not fully recovered, but even then I'm too weak to stand for more than a minute or two at time and then I have go sit and rest for a couple of hours, and the anxiety and Tourette's meds I'm taking have only made it worse to the point I'd need a wheelchair to go anywhere.
In the beginning she promised me room, board, and medical transportation for six months after the divorce is final, but I had to cancel the last three doctor's appointments because I make an appointment then she refuses to help me get there, refuses me cab fare and co-pay.
She constantly complained about having to buy me groceries after promising me food, just acts furious that she has to do it. Every time I e-mail her a grocery list, I say "You know, you could buy extra items and stock up and not have to shop as often" and she won't do it. She says she wants me to shop online and have groceries delivered, but she won't give me money to shop with and obviously what's in the bank I need to be saving to get out of here if I get evicted.
Anyway, the judge is making a final decision in a few days, the courts do NOT understand half how badly I'm disabled, I cannot even make it there and I don't know how to communicate with the courts to tell the judge that 30 days is not going to be enough, and that there's no reason she can't live up to the six months she originally gave me. That was fine with her when she thought it would save her some money, I wasn't so terrible she had to kick me out in 30 days then.
All I can see ahead is that I'm going to have nowhere to live, I'm going to lose everything I own (which is just a lot of books and maybe a computer if she doesn't try to say it's hers), and I'm going to lose any animals I might have left with that I've been caring after all these months, they're the only friends I have left.
I've lost all my friends here and my family, I lost my own family some time ago but now her family won't even speak to me. I don't know what she's been telling them about me but it must have been absolutely horrible for them to act that way.
Do you know what almost seems the most twisted thing of all? I was looking for the e-mail where she said I could stay for six months after the divorce, and she left the animals with me because she wanted me to have companionship. What a load of garbage, she did it because she thought she could get free pet care. If she wanted me to have companionship, she'd stop treating me like a leper and poke her head in the door once in a while to see if I'm okay. I honestly think I could die down here and she wouldn't even care.
Maybe what's worse is that she's head of the local Social Security office. Can you imagine someone being a disability claims specialist and then treating a disabled spouse like this? I guess she hates herself, hates her job, hates disabled people and hates me? I really do NOT know what has happened to her that she has become like this.
The animals haven't been cared for well, though, I'm not able to bathe the dog or help the cat with his ear mites and she refuses to, and they are SO miserable. I called the local animal control but I don't know if they came out today, if they did I missed them because with my sleep disorder I slept through the day.
She also tampered with my mail, I'm fairly certain now. A total now of 5 pieces of mail related to the trial that have either shown up late or not at all, and I think I only got last 5 at all because about 10 days ago I mentioned I thought something funny might be going on with the mail, and next day there were two pieces of mail from the court, almost 2 weeks late, left on the washing machine. That's already made it too late to get an attorney to help me, is what it looks like.
I keep thinking that what she's doing to a disabled person here must be against the law, but every time I try to call someone to get help - I have made HUNDREDS of calls - they tell me they can't help unless I was physically abused. She's done about everything else, but not that yet, although when she found out I contest the original terms of the divorce that wanted me out with no money to get out with, she was so furious she came down 4 times that day to verbally abuse me, and the next day she was at the back door with some cut flowers in one hand and whatever she cut them with in the other hidden behind her back and pounded on the door for 20 minutes. Then she went away for a few minutes then came back and pounded for another 20, I really do think she planned to attack me.
Her and her attorney have told the judge I'm trying to drag my heels getting out of here because I don't want to move. Nothing could be further from the truth, I don't want to be here, I'm scared of her, and the physchological abuse never stops. Now she's said she's not going to help me get my medications anymore because the divorce frees her of the responsibility, and the judge hasn't even signed it yet. No point in my being here, I've begged and begged her to get some counselling - she says she needs it, and then the next minute she's angry because I said it might be a good idea. She's been complaining to me about mental problems for 10 years now but she's never done anything about it. Said she'd got conselling on the phone last July, and then she says she didn't.
It's like that with lots of things, she said she had hired housekeepers to help me with the mess, then she said she didn't and they've never showed up. She said she'd made a grooming appointment for the dog and then she didn't, and he's still just filty and covered with fleas and flea bites.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to vent. I just wish I was away from all this and somewhere safe instead of living in constant fear of whether I'm safe, whether I'm going to have food and medicine or get to see my doctor, or what's going to happen to these poor animals when I'm gone.
I don't know if anyone else on here who is a cheater as well, but I'm one of them. I feel guilty everyday for cheating on my fiance. I just need some closure and see how some other people have dealt with this guilt. Everyone may assume that I'm no good, but I'm currently trying to be a better person by journaling, going to therapy. She has given me over 3 chances and I told her we should just go...
I used to live in Florida but I ended up moving to North Carolina for a new start. I was dealing with some pretty bad depression and really needed a new start. It has helped being around more family up here but I was not able to take my kids due to my joint custody with my ex-wife. It's been a couple of months since I haven't seen them and I'm planning on seeing them soon. Makes me wonder if...