Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I don't expect anyone else to figure out my problems for me, I don't even think there is a solution, but I feel like I'm going crazy not having anyone to talk to about them.
We're almost to the end of the divorce - I think the courts are awarding me some money but she has six months to pay it, and so far the judge is talking about giving me 30 days to move out, and I still won't have enough money to move out with.
My wife has had a complete change of personality the past year, I know she had to have really been a decent caring person, we were together 20 years, but ever since she got the idea of a divorce, she has been the most horrible person I've ever met. Any kind of psychological or financial abuse she thinks she can get away with, she'll do it, and she's constantly doing things like to retaliate.
First she told me I would have six months after the divorce was final to move out because I guess she was hoping I'd get back on SSI and she wouldn't have to give me anything, and it would take six months to get back on.
Because I don't have an active SSI claim, there are all kinds of social services I can't get. DHS wants me to have that or they tell me they can't help me. I also can't get medical transportation from my insurance because of that, is what I was told.
I have as many as six or eight different disabilities that make it almost impossible to keep appointments or make business calls, I really need personal assistance and I can't get it. Things are so bad now I'd have to have someone take me apartment hunting in a wheelchair, which is pretty recent. I don't have a wheelchair or anybody to help me.
We have five cats and a dog that my wife abandoned six months ago. All she will do is buy food and the rest she makes me do. She won't offer me anything for this, just yesterday she told me she wasn't paying me for that when she would have had to pay anybody else.
I have terrible cognitive trouble trying to understand and fill out paperwork. I don't know why. I can read, I can write, I can understand what I read but I get a paper to fill out or a court paper and my mind is just blank. I thought it was anxiety but I've been on anxiety medication for five months now and it's not one bit better.
For 20 years, my wife has had to help me fill out and understand paperwork, she knows how helpless I am without someone to help me with that, and I think she's actually enjoying it and taking advantage of it to try to make sure the divorce is as hard on me as possible.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I injured my leg coming out of the divorce trial, took a wrong step and fell down the courthouse steps. It's been six weeks and still not fully recovered, but even then I'm too weak to stand for more than a minute or two at time and then I have go sit and rest for a couple of hours, and the anxiety and Tourette's meds I'm taking have only made it worse to the point I'd need a wheelchair to go anywhere.
In the beginning she promised me room, board, and medical transportation for six months after the divorce is final, but I had to cancel the last three doctor's appointments because I make an appointment then she refuses to help me get there, refuses me cab fare and co-pay.
She constantly complained about having to buy me groceries after promising me food, just acts furious that she has to do it. Every time I e-mail her a grocery list, I say "You know, you could buy extra items and stock up and not have to shop as often" and she won't do it. She says she wants me to shop online and have groceries delivered, but she won't give me money to shop with and obviously what's in the bank I need to be saving to get out of here if I get evicted.
Anyway, the judge is making a final decision in a few days, the courts do NOT understand half how badly I'm disabled, I cannot even make it there and I don't know how to communicate with the courts to tell the judge that 30 days is not going to be enough, and that there's no reason she can't live up to the six months she originally gave me. That was fine with her when she thought it would save her some money, I wasn't so terrible she had to kick me out in 30 days then.
All I can see ahead is that I'm going to have nowhere to live, I'm going to lose everything I own (which is just a lot of books and maybe a computer if she doesn't try to say it's hers), and I'm going to lose any animals I might have left with that I've been caring after all these months, they're the only friends I have left.
I've lost all my friends here and my family, I lost my own family some time ago but now her family won't even speak to me. I don't know what she's been telling them about me but it must have been absolutely horrible for them to act that way.
Do you know what almost seems the most twisted thing of all? I was looking for the e-mail where she said I could stay for six months after the divorce, and she left the animals with me because she wanted me to have companionship. What a load of garbage, she did it because she thought she could get free pet care. If she wanted me to have companionship, she'd stop treating me like a leper and poke her head in the door once in a while to see if I'm okay. I honestly think I could die down here and she wouldn't even care.
Maybe what's worse is that she's head of the local Social Security office. Can you imagine someone being a disability claims specialist and then treating a disabled spouse like this? I guess she hates herself, hates her job, hates disabled people and hates me? I really do NOT know what has happened to her that she has become like this.
The animals haven't been cared for well, though, I'm not able to bathe the dog or help the cat with his ear mites and she refuses to, and they are SO miserable. I called the local animal control but I don't know if they came out today, if they did I missed them because with my sleep disorder I slept through the day.
She also tampered with my mail, I'm fairly certain now. A total now of 5 pieces of mail related to the trial that have either shown up late or not at all, and I think I only got last 5 at all because about 10 days ago I mentioned I thought something funny might be going on with the mail, and next day there were two pieces of mail from the court, almost 2 weeks late, left on the washing machine. That's already made it too late to get an attorney to help me, is what it looks like.
I keep thinking that what she's doing to a disabled person here must be against the law, but every time I try to call someone to get help - I have made HUNDREDS of calls - they tell me they can't help unless I was physically abused. She's done about everything else, but not that yet, although when she found out I contest the original terms of the divorce that wanted me out with no money to get out with, she was so furious she came down 4 times that day to verbally abuse me, and the next day she was at the back door with some cut flowers in one hand and whatever she cut them with in the other hidden behind her back and pounded on the door for 20 minutes. Then she went away for a few minutes then came back and pounded for another 20, I really do think she planned to attack me.
Her and her attorney have told the judge I'm trying to drag my heels getting out of here because I don't want to move. Nothing could be further from the truth, I don't want to be here, I'm scared of her, and the physchological abuse never stops. Now she's said she's not going to help me get my medications anymore because the divorce frees her of the responsibility, and the judge hasn't even signed it yet. No point in my being here, I've begged and begged her to get some counselling - she says she needs it, and then the next minute she's angry because I said it might be a good idea. She's been complaining to me about mental problems for 10 years now but she's never done anything about it. Said she'd got conselling on the phone last July, and then she says she didn't.
It's like that with lots of things, she said she had hired housekeepers to help me with the mess, then she said she didn't and they've never showed up. She said she'd made a grooming appointment for the dog and then she didn't, and he's still just filty and covered with fleas and flea bites.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to vent. I just wish I was away from all this and somewhere safe instead of living in constant fear of whether I'm safe, whether I'm going to have food and medicine or get to see my doctor, or what's going to happen to these poor animals when I'm gone.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
I don't get any of this though. I get it that sometimes people in a divorce can't stand each other, but what did the animals ever do to deserve this? She's made their lives a living hell with their constant suffering from neglect, then she has the nerve to stand there and pet them like she actually cares about them when she obviously doesn't any more from the way she's treated them. They've been our friends for years, they've been very much like they were our own children. I don't know understand how someone could turn into a completely different person like that.
I don't think I have to be a psychiatrist to know that she is obviously very badly mentally ill to do all these things, but she seems to hide it from everyone else or make excuses or lie, and I don't know how to get her help. I've talked to people about that but I still don't know to do to help her. That's the hardest part, we were together 20 years, I gave my life to her, but she's sicker and sicker all the time but still won't anyone help her.
She has been in Charge of your life, from what you are saying, for a very long time and she Is just fed up.
I have a few disabilities, so I can understand your struggle.. but I have to work full time because I have no other option right now.
This is going to be a complete change of life for you..
what you could look into is a state-assigned case worker who could possibly take over the role your wife has been performing for a while.
I truly hope things work out and you will be able to manage.
And if 6 pets, feeding and caring for them is problematic, than perhaps relinquishing them to a shelter is necessary.
Really, I have asked her for as little as possible - spend a half hour picking up some things from the store every two weeks instead of cooking for me every night, and so forth, I've rarely gone to the doctor because it's usually been a waste of time. There hasn't been that much paperwork for her to help me with. She really hasn't been asked to do much for me. I just sat and let her get away with overbooking her social calendar and letting things slide even when years later important things she said she'd do didn't get done.
It's only the past few years I've been this bad off, Five years ago I was going to for hikes with her, and then I caught some kind of lung infection that was going around and have never recovered, so I sat and tried to study medicine for my sake and also for the sake of the medical problems in her family. I studied medicine on our wedding day, hoping I could give her the gift of a healthy husband. I did anything within my power not to be ill and still do. Caught more lung infection after last Christmas, but it's the combination of health problems and medication that's really left me incapacitated lately.
I would have like to have learned to do more including cooking and helping pay the bills, but she's never had the patience to help me learn things, just "Never mind, just get out of my way, it's easier to just do it myself than to show you", then complained because I didn't learn new skills. Complains about having to shop for me after promising me room and board but would not do one thing to make it easier for either one of us. Wouldn't give me grocery money to shop for myself, and refused to reimburse me when I did.
Just seems wrong she won't even take my trash out, I took her trash to the curb for 17 years rain or shine, I did all kinds of chores and yardwork while handing over SSI money that went on the house payment.
Saturday she came down to get things she didn't need with both of the kids with her like she needed two bodyguards, tried to start a fight, refused to bring me my packages from the porch, told me I was lying when I said I couldn't get them myself (Why would I ask her if I could do it myself? It's not worth the misery) and neither of the kids would offer after I've been 20 years caring for my step-daughter's animals, did her and her roommate's laundry for years, and I've given up all kinds of things to let their mother give the kids money hand over fist. Was one of the few good things that happened lately that a taxi driver brought the packages when he brought my groceries that I'm not supposed to be having to pay for.
Later that same day she took the dog away without asking me or telling me, I thought he'd escaped. Pretty sure it's purely to retaliate for my reporting suspected animal abuse. She dares me and goads me into making reports to the authorities, then punishes me. She's trying to act like she's caring for them but she isn't, the last two days she put food out for the cats but won't bring it in at night so it's attracting raccoons. I had to break up a terrible scrap last night between the raccoons and the cats and I suppose it will be a nightly thing now. I can still care for them excepting giving them baths and cleaning the mites out of the cat's ears, that's always been a two-person job the way he fights, same with giving him baths - takes one to hold him and one to wash him.
It's just that she abandoned them for eight months, then refuses to pay me when she'd have to pay anyone else, and that still the only time she'll care for them herself anymore is if she can turn it into some way to retaliate against me - and I'm still expected to move out of here and live on even less than an SSI check, never mind all the additional expenses now because of the shape I'm in. Really would have liked to work with my doctors more since the new ones have been more willing to try to help, but I've had to cancel one appointment after another because she makes sure I don't have transportation after promising I would.
It's been like that since her dad died and her personality changed and this divorce idea popped up a month later after I hadn't been out of the hospital an hour having had to get a breathing treatment because of another infection. Demands I move out, constantly threatens me with immediate eviction until I don't know whether to take her seriously any more, and not once in that whole time or even now has ever made a realistic offer of assistance to get me out of here. I could have been gone months ago, but she won't lift a finger even to help get me out of her hair. just keeps trying to start fights and playing cruel games.
The first offer she made me was that I could stay until six months after the divorce was final, which would still have had me having to pay for all the expenses associated with moving out of my first SSI check - that's not even rational. Offered me nothing in the divorce except a couple of pieces of furniture and insisted I wasn't entitled to anything, and is furious the courts disagreed. She's obviously in desperate need of counselling and help with anger management, but she's not going to seek any help willingly.
I know that when my mother ended up in an abusive/exploitative situation, I couldn't get a minister to check in on her, all of the clergy I contacted acted like they didn't want to get involved whatsoever.
I don't if I'm not going about things the right way, or what exactly. Can anyone help?
It is important to understand first that churches are different, and within those churches the people have all kinds of varying personalities, different priorities and different schedules. I had a neighbor who needed help and he asked another neighbor who went to a local church. Two days later, a pastor visited him. My case was different. I asked churches around for help when I had an accident and did not get it for some time. I understand now that churches have lean budgets and their paid staff have very loaded schedules. They cannot afford to pay someone just waiting for occasional walk in cases. Some churches in my town were not helpful at all, but the one that helped me had volunteers who gave me rides and got groceries for me. I just kept trying until I got help. Today I get counseling from at least three churches, one even as far as 25 miles away. They are very helpful so every once in a while I volunteer some of my time not only to give something back but to maintain these good relationships. A few of the churches I called have ancient telephone answering machines, and in some, a person got my message and misplaced it. So I learned to be more forgiving because some of them are really financially strained. Based on my experience I would just keep trying.