Again, we're talking behavior vs character. What you do is different than who you are. If I bake a cake, that doesn't mean that I am a cake.

A cheater is a cheater. A person who engages in cheating can change the behavior, if the source of the behavior is rooted out.

Baking a cake does not affect those around you, and is not destructive, unless you are a habitual cake baker, and it cuts into work, and participating in other human activities.

I honestly think you are a closet caker. It's okay you are among friends.

What if... the source can never be rooted out, and the person is just strong enough to not choose that anymore?

Some people bake cakes that are very destructive and send others to emergency rooms. LOL

We all get weak sometimes. How many times have you heard someone say, "I had a moment of weakness?"

In rehab, of all sorts, one of the first things taught is to take care of a plant for 6 to 12 months before trying to work on a relationship. It's not really about the plant. It's about the person.

PS There's nothing in the closet about me! Thanks friend.

Life is change. Here we go again, the simplistic trying to make life black and white. Once = Always. Right.

About 30 odd years ago, in a relationship that was completely unresponsive to my expressed needs, I was tired of being neglected and stonewalled. I lacked the sense to move on.
Feeling very taken for granted and undervalued, I fell deeply in love with another person, and for many years (nearly 7) I recall, this third party and I bore each other companionship and friendship of a seemingly appropriate nature. I didn't know about emotional affairs. I believed I could stifle the inappropriate feelings. I truly thought I could deny them away.
Things got worse in my household, and that unbalanced me. I could mention that the infidelities were many on the part of my partner, but really, I did what I did , regardless. there are no excuses, but there are REASONS.
The third party continued to supply what was missing in my life.

I finally fell off the wagon and the EA became physical. Afterwards, I absolutely detested myself. I made full confession, although I was not discovered, wasn't even suspected, and my mate of the time remains one of my closest friends to this day. He has been a huge help through this nightmare I am living through now.

A few years later, the swine I am tied to legally now and I were living in Mexico, in an expatriate community, and I was among the younger women in the community, a fact which led to endless propositions from VERY engaging and attractive men. I had decided I was NEVER going to cheat EVER again after that one lapse years before, and had gone into this current marriage with complete commitment.

I was completely loyal to my stbx for the entire period he was my partner, and I am still celibate as I await my divorce. He repaid my loyalty and devotion by taking up with an ancient prostitute and siphoning my assets to that old whore.

Knowing that outcome, that my husband would shit all over me .... would I have taken all those other opportunities that surfaced constantly all those years together? Do I regret staying on the straight and narrow when the devotion was expended to someone completely unworthy of the honor? The answers are NO and FUCK NO.

I did the wrong thing, many years ago, and I made my peace with with it. I have never been seriously tempted to wrongdoing again in all those years.

Yes, people DO change. My sin was a deviation from my consistent lifelong norm of decency and kindness, and the person I cheated on believes that he had it coming. He mentioned that lately, somewhat to my surprise.

Life is not simple. Even decent folk fuck up. It is what you do about your mistakes that define you ultimately.

Return to the mindless repetition "once... always'' if you like. But it won't be true and it won't enhance your judgement.
And it won't keep you safe from betrayal.

My father cheated and then, he spent the next 30+ years making things right for my mother. My mother never forgave him and threw it at his face constantly.

I've never cheated but, I don't believe on the concept of once a cheater, always a cheater. Some do make mistakes and do not let this become a pattern or SOP. On the flip side, there are those who are serial cheaters. There is not excuse to either side but, I do believe in a mistake made and a remorseful effort.