Yep it is a moral issue. Either you have morals or you don't!

That has been my experience , but I have heard and talked to others that have made an error in judgment and then did not let it happen again. I think it depends primarily on the person that we are talking about.. If one has pathology as my ex does, then he will likely be a repeat cheater. Hugs, Kimmee

I agree with you Kimmee. This has has been my experience with my ex. I don't think he'll ever stop cheating.

Ummm...depends on the person.

You know who I don't trust? People who pee in the pool. Once a pool pee-er always a pool pee-er.

The answer to your question is "no". Why should everyone have to wear a scarlett letter for something they did once upon a time. No matter who you are we've all done something we wouldn't want to have used as a stigma against us. People cheat for different reasons and yes nothing good can come from it....but once you calm down and move on with your lives I hope you don't allow these actions to weigh you down.

Geez I hope not, that would totally invalidate everything I have worked on the last year.

I am on the fence on this one. I have been shown that cheaters repeat the process but I would like to believe that people are able to learn from their mistakes and not repeat them.

I have way too many opinions on this matter because of the emotional cheating that goes on as well as the physical. So, I will have to say that I am on the fence as I tend to read a book before I judge.

I would have to agree with KECARL..

I dont know Im on the fence with this one.

I cheated on a term paper in 1999 at UMD, e-mailed my professor in 2002 to confess and he upgraded my stats to an A-... I only earned a B by cheating...

Not all but most from my experience. My ex cheated which I rationalized was due to his alcholism. He got sober and 12 yrs later left me to rescue another addict ( while cheating before he left). I was so blind sighted because through our counseling years earlier we learned that it takes approx. 7 yrs to be able to trust. Not one month before my ex was helping a friend of ours who was emotionally cheating on his wife. I was so proud of him as our friend told me what he had shared and how it is never worth it to break your marriage vows. Of course he now has remorse and would love to turn back time and try again but after twice being burned I value myself too much.

People don't usually learn from their mistakes, only to not get caught making them again. They learn from other people.

Hmmm?

Yes. I believe once a cheater, always a cheater. It's a character flaw, not a temporary lapse in judgment. The excuse for the behavior may change, that's temporary, but the behavior will always rear it's ugly head again.

If a person cheats, it's because they have made it ok in their own hearts and minds. That's why they will cheat on the next man or woman also. When someone says, "He/she will not do me like they did their ex." They are deceiving themselves. When I hear that I want to yell, "It's not about you fool, it's about him/her!" Eventually, that thing has to be addressed properly. Character is what you have when no one is watching. The cheater has to understand what makes them think it's ok, in those alone moments. When that happens and is processed properly, the action becomes what they did, not who they are. I'll give an example:

For the last five years of my marriage, I had no sex life. My ex had a very active sex life. It was not in me to be with another man while I was married. My ex had me jumping through hopes, trying to stop his behavior. He was (is) also a drup addict. His excuses were:

"I only do it when you're home and I can go off alone, so you don't see me." to "I only do it when you're away from home because I need you with me." to "I only do it on weekends." to "I only do it on weekdays, because I know I'll have to get up for work." It went on-and-on-and-on!

He never came to understand himself. That's why he hasn't changed. He's now with a woman he used drugs and cheated with. Guess what, he still disappears for days and is cheating on her. And, she was everything he said he wanted.

So that means all former drug addicts will do drugs again?
All former drinkers will drink again?

Come on kids! Think!