I can only tell you what I do, and it might sound a little unorthodox, but it was part of my training...to have a conversation between the opposing sides. What you resist, persists, right? So the more each side digs in their heels, the more entrenched and polarized a person can become, especially if, in my case, its between doing what I need to do, and doing what I want. I'm hoping as the two of them get to know each other better, each others motivations, maybe they can be more friendly, less oppositional, maybe even co-operative.

You mean like a compromise? I can see how that would work... that's sort of what I did today. I mean, at first I told the tyrant to just shut up because it was annoying me, but I realized the tyrant has a point, too... like some people on this thread

forum*

Maybe that's why when other people are tyrants or controlling around us it doesn't ever feel like they care - because they aren't often willing to have a conversation, it's usually their pronouncements/criticisms/demands, our defensiveness (or not) and that's it.

I find it a bit confusing that you equate a conscience to a tyrant just because that voice tells you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear.

I wasnt ever talking about conscience.

Does that help with the confusion?

feel free to throw in your definition

Soon, sometimes it is a tyrant. It's like I said before, though. Sometimes the tyrant has a point...

"you know the voice inside that chastises you for not behaving the way you should, for making poor choices? "

that is commonly known reference to a conscience, is it not?

Interesting, I think people can have a conscience without chastising themselves.

I think its more connected to compassion and empathy than criticism and demands.

But maybe your experience of conscience is different?

I'm with Soon, in a way...an inner voice is a conscience....and recently, I have chosen to call this inner voice my "higher power" I don't think God is active here...He doesn't "take people home", He doesn't "give people strength". Bad things happen to good people because people have free will. But everyone has that inner voice saying what is right and what is wrong...I think maybe that's God nudging us in the ribs to get us to pay attention. All of us can and do ignore the voice at times. Free will. But sometimes the voice screams in warning...sometimes the answer is so blurred that the voice can't be heard...

Sorry if I crossed a line, or broke an unwritten rule...I'm not a religious person, but I think God is here...as an observer, an advisor, if we choose to listen.

Yes, my experience with conscience is different, because obviously, I listen to it before I make poor choices so that I do not get chastised.

Whereas on the other hand, you disregard any possible warnings you may have and choose to make poor decisions because you do not care about yourself and could care less about your own good.

And I think you do this because you feel a need to be punished somehow because you crave punishment.

To some degree everyone wants "some" control... And, that isn't saying that is or is not bad... What is bad is what you try to control.

In life all you have control of is YOU. No one else can control YOU. They can try... They can abuse and violate you... But, you have control of you...

And, that is good...

You do not have control of anyone else... The moment you try to extend your control over others with out their express permission... you are controlling...

You give your Boss at work permission to control you to some degree in return for money... You may divide home management issues with your spouse in order to get things done more effectively... These are times when you have willingly given control over... And, this is ok..

But, we all have our own perception of how the world "should" work... When it doesn't go the way we want it to... We feel either "out of control", or as if "we are being controlled". (either of which may be true...) Or thirdly we could just go with the flow...

What we do when the world isn't going where we want it to determines how controlling we are...

If we try to change what others think, feel, or do without their freely given permission... we are being controlling. One of the most insidious ways a person can be controlling, is to call the other person controlling... well... because I'm not in control... they must be... And, I don't like to feel controlled...

I really like what one of my counselors said to me... One of the key things they look for when trying to establish who the primary controlling person is, is the phrase "He/She is so controlling." He said this is because the people who use this phrase are usually the ones who most feel they have no control... (that being control over you...) A non-controlling person usually says something more to the effect, "I feel like I am losing control over myself", or "I feel like I can't do the things I would like to do.", ...

I am sure it's not a hard fast rule... But, it made sense...

anyway... I'm rambling...

basically... you control you... you don't control anything else...

And I agree with what TD said

wow... this thread took another turn while I was rambling...

LOL...


I've never heard the term inner tyrant either...