Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
What kinds of reactions do you have to people who try and control you?
Do you have the same feelings when you are your own tyrant?
My inner tyrant is always trying to tell me it's because she cares and for my own good.
How come when other people are sounding like a tyrant they don't sound like they care or have our best interests at heart?
Do you have the same feelings when you are your own tyrant?
My inner tyrant is always trying to tell me it's because she cares and for my own good.
How come when other people are sounding like a tyrant they don't sound like they care or have our best interests at heart?
or in therapy...
or have self-esteem issues...
you know the voice inside that chastises you for not behaving the way you should, for making poor choices?
maybe you dont have one of those?
Sowwy, I'm in a goofy mood again.
:D
thats awesome!
we should make t-shirts
Either way, we have control over no one other than ourselves. I dont wish to have anyone control, manipulate, or patronize me. And I wont do the same in return to others. Free to be me...and freedom for others to be themselves. Whether or not their thoughts and actions match my own is not up for debate these days, its futile.
So when I recognize when someone is trying to control or manipulate, I detach. You can detach without judgment or hatred..not easy to do but possible. Wish them well on their journey and keep on going.
My inner tyrant has toned down. I can recognize my own faults and shortcomings, be honest about them, and then do differently moving forward.
If we dont like something we can change it..if we cant change it..we can change our attitude toward it.
Yeah, I don't get criticisms as much now that I am far enough out of my last relationship I feel safer and normal again. But I find mine is demanding. It wants what it wants.
Joy, I see you as an abused submissive. You loved the control aspects of the ExS, until it got out of hand. You were right to walk away from that... but it left you still yearning to be controlled in some form or fashion. Counseling has taught you to stand up for yourself, and leave that comfort level of control behind.
This is where I see your inner struggle. You want both. You won't trust a man with that level of control again, so you have no libido. And you won't stand as an equal in a relationship, because it's not what you really want, but it's the right thing to do.
Again, I am not trying make you wrong here. Was your ExS wrong to abuse his power and control over you? Absolutely. No one deserves that type of treatment.
I don't think there's optimum productivity when there's ambivalence either...the angel and the devil on our shoulders with opposing wishes.