Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been married 17 years. My spouse is controlling and he uses verbal and emotional abuse. I am ashamed to say that I have stepped out on him. I confessed it to him and to God. We tried one counseling session which ended in total heartache. He is hurt and takes no accountability for his actions. My actions are tangible and you can put a finger on the date and time. His are not so easy because its been years of control and heartache aimed at me. I know that I am human and have been hurting and, unfortunately, sought love in the wrong way. At this time reconciliation is not possible. We are separating, not divorcing. Yes, there are kids in the mix. Yes, there is hurt. Am I wrong to feel some relief? Relieved to be escaping this behavior that I have become accustomed to for so long? I asked him the other day if he wanted to be married to me and his answer was, "You are the last person in the world I want to be married to, but I have a duty to be married to you." There was no love in the answer. I feel like a burden.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Welcome. I think it's healthy of you to feel relief to be apart from him.
You got together with him when you were so young. You have grown a lot since then, and you want different things for your life now, than you did when you first met him.
I think going through with the divorce would help you to move on and grow and have a great second half of your life. Please consult a divorce attorney. You will need some legal advice regarding spousal support money, child custody money, what happens with the house, half his retirement accounts money.... etc. You will be okay financially. WHEN you file for divorce.
You're going to be okay! Enjoy your freedom! Lots of much better men out there, who will treat you right and treat you great.
I do have an attorney and he does too. We have 4 children and I just don't want anything to be done in a way that will hurt either of us or the kids.
At this time I keep wavering between just making it work for the sake of the kids and it would be easier with parenting, holidays, gatherings, etc. BUT a big part of me wants a partner that I TRULY want to share life with. I also want to be able to be a part of my extended family's life without my spouse feeling obligated or making me feel bad for not spending time with him. There are so many control issues, and honestly I think this is why I had an affair. I know it was wrong. I know with all my heart it was wrong. I've also learned that I need to show myself forgiveness and grace. Thoughts?
I clicked on your blue colored username, and your profile came up, and you put that you are 37 years old. So, after being married 17 years, I figured you got together with him in your late teens.
No judgement here on your affair. I read that women have affairs because they are missing the emotional connection from their spouse. Whereas, men usually have affairs purely for the physical sex, and some attention, too. You need to forgive yourself and move on from the affair. It happened, and it was what you needed to do at the time. Can't go back in time. Forgive yourself for that and move on.
I get what you're saying about the kids, but the thing is, the kids know something is up with you two. Most children do really well with split custody. It's better than seeing their parents fight, or their father saying mean things to their Mom, etc. I know so many people that came from divorced households, and they are doing just great as adults, and have great relationships with both of their divorced parents.
I think you are realizing that you want a life, too. Not just live for him, or live for your kids wishes. And that is very healthy thinking. You are a young woman (now that I know your age from your profile, lol), and you deserve to have a great life, with a man you truly loves you, and to enjoy the second half of your life! It's not easy to go to the next step and divorce. But until you break free, you will only prolong the inevitable.
In the meantime, spend time with your friends, get involved with hobbies, get exercise, get enough sleep, eat well, make sure and take care of YOU. Keep writing it out, journal, and you will find your answers.
My kids do know something is up and they want us to just work it out. I don't think they are mature or old enough to realize that life is not always that easy. I am hoping they will see that life is better when we are apart and the stress is far less.
My oldest daughter is struggling the most and I think that is because my husband has confided in her and told her everything : (
I think she blames me even though she doesn't say so. I know she will come around one day, and I have to be patient that this day may be far in the future. My date of mediation is coming up quickly. I am scared that I am doing the wrong thing. I am scared of change, but I am also scared of staying in the situation.
I have taken your advice and spent more time with friends and family. I started to exercise and have been meditating on the Bible and keeping a journal. This has helped to center me, but from a Christian standpoint and a faith standpoint, I struggle.