I hear you. While it's no divorce, I'm currently still living with someone after a 6 year relationship and recent breakup. It is hard. Reach out to friends and family whenever possible. Find ways to create your own space or be out of the house whenever possible. Space is the only thing that will bring me closure, I feel.

Thank you. I'm trying so hard to peel myself out of bed. I start counseling today.

Hey, me too! Right there with you sister.

I wish you luck and strength!!!

Sorry. I was there and it was hell. I used to shut myself in my room or go running and leave the house after I got my daughter to bed. It sucks. I dreaded coming home. Now he has been out of the house for a year. It is wonderful, but overwhelming to go it alone. Hugs to you!

I feel your pain. I'm going thru the same thing. I can't stand going home. There is no peace there. But I've got no other choice at this point. I keep thinking this is temporary. Hang in there!!

Unless you are apart, as in you live separate to one another, you remain in effect still together, make sense?

I'm also going through the same thing although shes moved out while we sort it all out its still really painful but its only temporary, things will eventually get better you just need to ride the shit storm until they do

I did it for 3 years. Just get out as much as possible. Do you stuff.

Thank you everyone. I had dinner with friends tonight and the support was amazing. This is going to be one hell of a ride. I guess in a sense as I'm losing the person I married or shall I say lost the person I married, I have a chance to find myself again. My eyes are big puff balls of emotion and as I faced the public tonight I felt the kindness even from strangers as they smiled.. I thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and for sharing your expiriences with me.. makes me feel not so alone.. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a day like today.. the kind that makes you feel not so sad, the kind that reminds you to live a little more than you're used to.. the kind that you deserve.

Always remember, you deserve a good life. Don't let anyone tell you other wise. I'm living the roommate role. I've moved into another room. I don't do his laundry anymore, or even do any cleaning in what is "his" bedroom now. I'm not working so I'm home all day. But I notice that I start to get anxiety when i know he'll be home soon. It's so hard to become a better "you", when the reminder of why your trying to become a better you, is in your face walking about the house. Best I can say is to, just take care of you, be cordial, and let him be in his own world. This is your life now. You can't control or change him, but you can control and change you. You have that strength within you. I'm sorry your going through the crappie part of this now. But it will end. And you'll be free to start the true healing process. (it does suck that it takes longer than you would like) Hang in there. Hugs

Thank you!

I did it for a year, it was horrible but he finally moved out 11 days after the divorce. When we were both home, I avoided going into the living room, which is where he parked his lazy a$$. I didn't have much money for going out, so I would go for a jog or do as much yard work as I could, anything to not be in the same house. I stopped doing his laundry, didn't clean his room until the realtor came over, and made dinner for the family but stopped calling him to dinner. It sucked, I felt a prisoner. Make sure you do everything you can now in terms of separating household property. Write it down and make sure you both agree. I started collecting new furniture for the eventual day when he moved out, it kept me focused and hopeful. Hang in there.

Thank you! The list has been mentioned but neither one of us has approached the other with it. So much has been built in three years of us being together. I still care and want T to eat so I have this caring nature that I don't see ever disappearing from who I am as a person at least for now. The anger stage is showing its face now and I find myself showing emotion but I've researched some techniques that will allow me to keep my cool. This is such a nightmare. Being a cancer sign doesn't help either lol not sure how to turn the caring part off and care more for myself but I'm learning. Tonight I won't be home for dinner not sure how that's going to go being I've always made the time and dedication. Last night while in the other bedroom I was called through the hallway to come into our old bedroom where they reside.. when I walked in to see what T wanted, arms were open for me to run to.. I hopped on that opportunity faster than lightening because that was never the norm. I was always the one who emotionally supported. It felt good for the five minutes that I allowed myself to cry. I know it won't always be like this so I know that I need to get out of here. I won't be able to heal and allow myself to move forward through this process. I had a little bit of hope last night but was told they needed their sleep. I got up and walked away sobbing like a child towards my now bedroom and realized that I need to be stronger next time and should I need some embracing and comfort I might want to invest in buying a body pillow for my nights lol. I'm hoping today will find me on a better path that will lead me to at least a partial smile. I'm thinking a night at the improv is in order soon with friends.

I'm a cancer sign too, and I am a very caring person, I work in education and love being with children. After being emotionally abused for decades by a passive aggressive husband, I FINALLY realized what was going on. I FINALLY was able to hear people when they told me to stop doing things for him. He never emotionally supported me, and never did anything around the house, I did it all, inside and out. It took other people's perspective for me to see that I had to stop pouring my energies into continuing the marriage on any level - and that meant stop doing his laundry, stop reminding him of his dentist appointments, stop telling him messages were on the phone for him. He wanted to end the marriage too but did nothing to actually end it, in fact he delayed the divorce. Bring up the issue of the list. It's going to happen sooner or later, better to prepare for its eventuality now.

By the way, who is "they" in the bedroom? Is T your stbx or your child? If your stbx and child are sleeping in the same room, that creates an emotional and physical barrier from you, right?