I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds very devastating.

From what you wrote, he does not have depression, as in clinical depression. It sounds to me that, for whatever reason, he was unhappy in the marriage and he started an affair with that co-worker. A truly "depressed" person would not be out dating another woman. So, please do not believe the lie he is telling you about being depressed.

You are not to blame for ANY of this! If he wanted to see her, then he needed to be a man and tell you that he wants out of your marriage. Him having an affair behind your back, and still lying about it, is not the sign of someone with depression. That is the sign of a cheating husband.

So first, stop blaming yourself for any of this. None of this is your fault. He made his choices. He knew what he was doing.

Now the question is, what do YOU want to do now? You need to decide if you want to stay with a person who cheats, lies, and was willing to throw away your marriage of 10 years. Since he does not appear to want to even try, or move back in (he won't move back in because he wants to see this other woman), then what choices do you have, really?

You didn't do anything wrong. He changed. For some odd reason, he wants this new kind of life. It is not fair and it is so wrong that he is doing this. But, you can not get him to change. He has to be the one that wants to change, and he has to be the one that wants to fight for your marriage, 100% all in.

Keep going to your individual counseling. And, talk to your family, friends... tell people what is going on. Oftentimes, the betrayed spouse becomes isolated. Tell as many people as you can, because you need support right now.

It is so hard when something like this happens. You think back to the first 10 years, and how great they seemed. But, he has changed now, and it is doubtful things would ever go back to how they were during the beginning. It would be hard for you to trust him again.

No matter what happens, you are going to be okay.

I have been in your exact position before. Just last year! My husband of 10 years changed over COVID and turned into someone I'd never met before. He left our family for another woman, and although at the time I was deeply devastated and never thought I'd recover, I have. I am so thankful that he decided to go because he was extremely emotionally abusive. I'm still trying to heal but I feel a peace I haven't had in a long time. No one deserves to be abused. I have a strong support system, loving Christian friends to help me, and a wonderful counselor who have all contributed to my comeback. I know right now it seems like all is lost, but I promise you, there is joy to be had in life. Hugs to you.

Hi I understand how you are feeling. 20 years of marriage and 2 beautiful boys. Right before our 20th anniversary he told me he wanted a divorce. From that point on he became a different person. Like you said, a flip switched and he was no longer the man I fell in love with 20 years ago. I know there is someone else but trying to figure out who will just add salt to the wound. It is so painful. There are days where I don’t even want to get out of bed but I do because I have kids. What we are going through is so unfair. They gave up their families for someone else. It is the most selfish thing a person can do.

I know this is so confusing and devastating. After 8 years my ex 'changed' overnight as well, into a cold, nasty person. In a rare moment of candor he explained that he had been fake and that it took too much energy to continue. Since we had 2 kids he thought I'd never leave. But I did, and I am so much better. You deserve more.