I'm so sorry about your husband passing. And now this with this guy. Yes, you are suffering loss after loss.

Do you have a therapist? Did you talk to any therapists after your husband died? Any other groups of support that you could talk to (grief support, church, etc)?

I think having people to talk to, even by phone now, will help you get through this tough time. Reach out to friends, family. Talk by phone. Writing in a journal really helps get feelings out.

Hang in there, take it day by day, you have your grandson... it is going to be hard, you have been through a lot, and my thoughts are with you.

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know this is very traumatic. To lose someone by death and now to lose someone through a breakup.
Please reach out to a professional counselor.Someone that will allow you to vent and who will give you needed support in this rough time.
When I went through a deep depression for about 2 years due to my marriage ending I was able to get help from my counselor.
Know that there's always another layer to your life even when we experience losses. I still believe that you have great things, and accomplishments ahead of you. Don't Isolate reach out. Join a meetup.com Try to remember who you are outside of a relationship. Many blessings!

I'm sorry you're going thru this. The first relationship after the death of a spouse or divorce is one that nourishes our broken hearts...and we are coming into it already fragile and weary.

So the lost of it, is a very painful one. This man obviously cares very much for you. It wasn't only a romantic relationship you lost, it was a friendship.

Caring for an adult disabled son...is very tiring, draining, and demanding. At 63, with older age, that gets tougher. My ex's mom who's in her 80s now, still caretakes for a 45 year old downs syndrome daughter.

She's had to make alot of sacrifices. Much of that was a personal social life. Her ] social life consisted of taking her daughter to Special Olympics functions and family gatherings...but it left no time for herself. It's noble and a big sacrifice.

She ended up reconnecting with an old friend, and they had a friendship and he wanted more...but she said at her age, and the time demands of her daughter...she just couldn't interrupt what was their normal routines. I also think when you are so use to taking care of someone else, you end up forgetting about your own needs/wants. You feel selfish when you do things for yourself. It happens quite alot for caretakers.

So what I'm saying is...I wouldn't take it as...he didn't think you were good enough or worth his time. It's just that he's had to make a choice. Especially with the long distances you guys have to commute to see each other.

Taking care of a disabled person already has built in stresses...adding stuff like a social life...can add more stresses. However, I think he cares about you.

Perhaps give it some time...and respect his wishes. Then maybe in a few months or so, just try to reconnect again and offer him a friendship. Maybe one in which you guys can still talk on the phone, email, text?

Perhaps try to figure out a way to still have a connection (if you really want to) that meets both of your needs and is not to stressful?

Sending you light and love.

Thank u for the caring words. We have talked briefly a few times, but I could tell he we were lost for words. It’s been a few weeks, I have talked to a therapist and she said I’m grieving like I did with my husband but this man is alive and it’s hurts more.
I know time heals but I found love again and never thought I would and it’s hard to let go.
I miss him!!

Grief and the stages of grief are not limited to death. I know that isn't easy. But remember that one of those stages is acceptance. You will get through this. But I know it's easy to say, but it would be a good idea to decide if you want to rip the bandaid off and just stop contact or if you are still BOTH invested in making it work.

The phrases "One day at a time" and "time heals all wounds" is often used to help those grieving, but its better to break it down I think.

Sure, in time, it will pass. But in this moment, its torture, especially when your mind is relating this loss to equate that of someone close to you dying for a second time. But, if you are both choosing to part ways, attempt to distract yourself so that time has a chance to heal those wounds. Find an activity that will take up say, 2 hours of your time. Okay, you get through that, then think of something else (Cleaning, walking the dog, laundry, playing with your granddaughter, talking on the phone to friends etc) and take 30 minutes. Okay, you got through that. Bit by bit time will move forward and the wound will have a chance to knit. In between, talk to your support system (friends, family, therapist) and (in my opinion) it helps to supply the release of emotions so you can make it through that next interval of time.

I hope this helps, Best of luck.

Thank U, I’m thinking we should break off communications but that’s hard too, I’m still hanging on to hope. I will say each day I think it’s best we end it. Our future not good, living in different states, yet in time I could possibly move?’ I still love him and he is alive, my husband is gone. I never thought after my husband passed I’d find love again, and I did, it was wonderful..thank u

I'm so sorry for all the loss you've been suffering. Others have been giving wonderful advice on how to cope right now. I know one of the hardest parts is having so little closure - questioning whether it's really over or not, still being in love. Maybe try both? No communication for, say, 3 months. But plan a conversation at the end of that. Maybe the distance will give both your emotions a chance to calm down, and make the best decision at the end of that. Praying for healing and peace for your heart.

Thank u.., we r trying to call each other less often. After a week of not talking is hard. I know we need to go for a month with no contact. I’m so trying. Last 4th of July we were together and all I do is think of those memories and cry. I am going out later on today with friends On our friends boat. The owner of the boat ask if I would go to dinner with him next week. My friends say I should go, I feel like I’m cheating if I start going out ? I don’t think I could ever be interested in another man anyway?!

Hello..I am very sorry for both of your losses. This seems so overbearing. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You never know why things happen or why we continue to feel pain after pain. I went through a deep depression for two and a half years after my breakup. I felt like my life would never be the same.. I really thought he was the one, after my first husband beat me up all the time...... but it was at the lowest point of my life that I was able to aspire to something greater..Giving my life a whole new meaning and Purpose.. I would love to speak with you.
https://calendly.com/motivatedtowin/30min